The Mom Ideal vs. The Mom Reality

Today was Brennan's first day home from Kindergarten. He had a couple of times that he asked to go back to school, but he didn't seem too sorry that the answer was no.  All in all, it was pretty successful as days go.

We came home from walking the dog, this morning, and I saw a friend of mine across the street. She and I got to chatting, and she brought up The Thing.

The Thing I haven't really mentioned.

Mom to mom, she acknowledged that with Brennan not going to Kindergarten this year, I lost those few days a week with a couple of hours that would be mine.

Now, the reality is that time would never really be mine. It would always be spent doing housework, or volunteer work, or other such things that I do because I'm awesome/bored/crazy/pick your adjective. But the ideal would be that I had a few hours where no one was following me around.  I might even pee alone.

I know what you're thinking. "Shut the front door! Pee alone?  Who does that?"

I know. It would have been amazing.

But, eh. What are you gonna do?

Did I want that time? Um, does a one-legged duck swim in circles? Of course, I wanted that time.

The ideal is that I was a mom who never once considered the fact that that time went "poof" right before my eyes. But I'm not an ideal mom. I'm a real one. But reality is also that it couldn't be a factor in my decision. What I want is secondary to what Brennan needs. What any of the kids need.

My time will come....someday. And who knows, I might even complain then, about how I don't know what to do in the toilet alone.

Maybe by then I'll be so old I'll need one of those Life Alert things in case I fall off.

Noticing that I've now lost that time, doesn't mean I won't appreciate one more year of having my sweet guy home with me. I actually really appreciate people reminding me of that bonus. After all, this time goes by too fast. He wants to be with me right now. He wants stories and snuggles, and chocolate milk with lunches. He'll be off on his adventures long before I'm ready.

Kids are sneaky like that.

So, I'm going to enjoy this year even if I always have help in the bathroom. Maybe it's not always ideal, but I think I'd rather have reality anyway.

*****

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