I'm Coming Back

You have neither whined, nor complained. This makes you, my wonderful readers, either better than my children, or too busy yourselves to take me to task for my absence.

Maybe both.

But I will be coming back!

The last two months as school has wrapped up and I have become busier in almost every aspect of my life (can you believe they've elected me Vice President of our PTO?) I have not had time to write here. And since I didn't want to be half assed about it, I just decided to set this blog aside, hoping it would wait for me.

It did. Or at least maybe it did. Hello? Anyone out there still?

But today is the last day of school. Reagan is graduating from High School on Monday. And there is so much to talk about!

So, I am coming back. And I hope you'll still come by and see what I have to say.

I promise, if it's not "worth it" exactly, I will at least find a funny story or two. Promise.

*****

I Have A Few Teeny Peeves...

I love blogs.

I love writing mine, and I love reading other people's.

Other people are fascinating. They live interesting lives in really cool places.

Some blogs make me feel like I'm hanging out at their kitchen tables, watching the drama of their lives unfold.

I kinda wanna ask them for some popcorn, because they are amazing, and I never want to leave.

But then, there are blogs that, no matter how interesting they might be, I can't read. I have discovered a few themes.

These, are my blogging pet peeves:

1) Music.

I don't care how amazing that song is, or how inspirational the blogger thinks it will be when I hear it. Nothing makes me shut down a blog faster than music.

See, I read blogs on the down low. When my kids are sleeping. When I'm trying to get them to do their homework. When my husband and kids are watching a little evening television. I don't want to hear their music.

It would make me so happy if people let their content speak, and shut their music up.

2) Denied access:

This one I get a lot from the Top Mommy Blogs. I'll go to check out a blog that is publicly listed in order to get traffic. And when I get there, the access is denied, and the blog is only open to invited readers.

Then why list the blog? Or if it's just recently gone private, how about the author unlist it. That is a waste of my precious time. Unlike all the other frivolous stuff I do on the internet.

3) Fonts

It sounds like a small thing, but it isn't. There are fonts (sans serif) that are easier to read on computer screens. People should really try to use those if possible. Seriously. It's so helpful. Especially for old people like me.

And, I know it's supposed to be cute to mix and match fonts, but if I'm trying to read what a blog is about, and there are no fewer than 7 different fonts used in the description alone, I not only don't want to read that blog anymore, I want to burn it with fire.

That's reasonable, I think.

4) No Paragraph Breaks

A wall of text serves no one. You lose your place when reading it. It's sort of like when someone starts talking and they never really take a breath.

Wall of text people actually make me a little sad. I just know that their story is going to be crazy and amazing, and I just will never be able to read it. Because it makes my eyes explode. Which I'm told is bad.

5) Too Much Information Blogs

Look, I like a good girlfriends blog. I love to feel like we just sat down and had a coffee or a glass of wine, and went over all the shit that's going down in our lives. I want to empathize, commiserate, and share.

That's a good time.

But if I feel like I just walked in to someones house, and have read all of their bills, looked through their trash, and found them doing naked yoga with all twelve of their cats watching....

Actually, no, that's a pretty good time, too. But I just can't join in for the naked yoga. My mom reads my blog. (Hi, Mom!) And she'd know.

So that's my list. Just a few teeny little peeves that drive me to distraction.

What do hate to see when you read blogs, or other things on the internet?

*****
I hope my blog isn't currently peeving anyone off. If it is, however, feel free to drop me a line, and let me know what I'm doing wrong. If, however, you like it here (and I hope you do), please click the banner below to register a vote for me. You can do it once a day, and really, why wouldn't you? You're the best!

It's Kind of Like Getting A Radical Haircut....

If you hang out with me via blog, you might notice something different.

Not a little different, but "Whoa!" kind of different.

You've probably noticed that I have completely rebranded my blog and gotten a new design. A professional one.

She was amazing to work with, by the way, and a glowing review post of Tara (from Exclusively Yours Designs) is coming.

This needed to happen. At least for me.

It's sort of like when you're fed up with your long hair in everything and you go in for a pixie cut. It's a huge change. The difference with this is that when it was done, I didn't cry because I didn't look like myself anymore.

No, this was like finally seeing more of me infused into the very design of the blog. I'm thrilled with the results.

There's a new Facebook page, too, so if you liked MuseMama on Facebook, please like Motherhood by Moonlight over there, too. In a while, I'll deactivate the MuseMama page.

Currently, I'm in California for a couple of days, visiting family and the few friends I could squeeze in a visit with. And we decided to bring Liam. He's been so amazingly adorable, we couldn't bear to be parted from him.

Now we have a three year old who is not in his home. But he loves my parents piano! So, that's...something.

I'm off to do a little tweaking of things so they all fit the new blog. And maybe take a dozen tylenol for the headache this sweet kiddo has given me.

But please, let me know what you think of my new do!

*****
Thank you for all the support you give me, just by reading. But please, if you have another second to spare, please click the banner below and register a vote for my blog. Thanks! You're the best.

Ask Me Anything

Sometimes we have to get some good ideas from other places. And I think this is a good idea.

It one came from Debra of She Who Seeks, and you can read her post here.

So, if you've always wanted to know something about me, or my family, this is your chance. Want to know what my morning looks like? How many groceries we buy? Have questions about my faith? How about how we're raising the kids?

Here are my rules:

1. I'm not going to limit you to just one question, but I'm not going to answer fifty. So be reasonable.

2. I will answer anything, either in a comment if it's short, or an upcoming post if it would take longer to answer. But I won't answer if it gets super private about me, or if it's about private aspects of my kids' lives. I'm recognizing that, as they get older, they need to have their privacy respected. I'm sure you can understand.

And that's pretty much it. So, if you want to know, go ahead and ask!

*****
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Sometimes, Changes Are Needed

Thanks, Charles Darwin. I can always count on you.

Let's face it, I'm clearly neither the most intelligent, nor the strongest. But I am adaptable. In fact, I may be one of those people who outright requires change to be kept interested.

I love my family. I love what I do. I want to talk about it a lot more than I have been. Maybe it's because, as a personal blogger, I have a mild narcissism problem. It's possible. I won't deny it. But it's more than that.

I'm a talker, and I love people. Those who live in my house can really only stand to hear me for so many hours a day (I really can't blame them). And they have already heard the stories I'm not sick of telling yet.

That's where my blog comes in.

But it's getting stale, and it is seriously time to shake things up a little bit. So, I'm getting a little plastic surgery here. A complete facelift, a new blog title and tagline, and an new domain name.

I'll make sure that this blog just forwards to the new address and all. I don't want to lose anyone, and I don't want to lose what I've worked for here. But I want to get excited about writing again.

And for all my bloggers whom I have not been visiting lately, I will be back. I miss my blogging friends, and reading you guys makes me better. In fact, you can tell when I haven't been reading other people. My blog starts to completely blow.

But with everything we've been doing, I've had to learn some new time organizational skills. Who knew I really can't do it all and still sleep?

*****
If you think sleep is for the week, and it's time for me to get back to work, or if you just think my blog is okay, please, click the link below which registers a vote for me, would you? Thanks. You're the best!

The Blogging Thing

Thanks, Ryan Gosling.

I once heard someone ask how many blogs I had, anyway? And the truth is really, just a couple. I have this one. This one has just seemed like a few because I've changed the host a few times, and when it started it was called Our Homeschool, and clearly it's not anymore. But it's been the same blog, with the same posts.

Then I had a blog I wrote with some friends. It was dealing with religious issues. If you didn't know, I'm kind of obsessed with super fundie Christians. The crazy is a train wreck I can't look away from.

That blog was an answer to that movement. And after I'd been writing it for a while, I realized I was really done with the whole faith. After I left the church, it hardly seemed appropriate for me to continue to write there.

I have another blog on which I answer a woman in Florida, who writes a super crazy blog of her own. I forget that one for months and years at a time, only to rile her all up when I remember it and post something. She seriously hates me.

But this blog, this one is my baby. This is the one that has followed my family through all the ups and downs, births and losses. This is the one that I have poured my heart into. Sometimes with really encouraging results. Like, yay, people hear me and even share the same thoughts sometimes! And other times it's a bit discouraging. Like, hey, I really poured my heart out in that post, and all I hear are crickets. That kinda sucks. 

But this is the chronicle of the family I've made for myself, and the journey I've been on in the process. So, even when there are crickets, I'm going to keep writing.

So, my goal is to write every day. Even if it's just little. Even if no one reads it. This is my outlet. Clearly, though, it hasn't been happening this last month.

ThenI realized that I'd shifted my whole schedule. I'm working out more, and focusing on different things in the evening, and it just leaves no time for blogging, which I'd been doing at the end of the day.

So, I'm switching things up. It's now my goal to write in the morning or afternoon. You know, before anything really happens, so that my blog posts can be as boring as possible. But at least they'll be written and I'm thinking that's better than silence at this point.

To everyone still reading, thank you. And to my friends who've known me a very long time, but feel like they've come to know me better by reading here, thank you for telling me that. It's funny. You put these words out there, and you really can't tell where they go. Hearing from you that you like what I write, or like knowing me in the way you have from reading this, means so much to me.

And now I'm thinking I might have ten minutes to lie down before my kids come home with their after school insanity.

Maybe. I don't think the odds are good, but I'm still gonna try!

*****
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Where Do My Ideas Go?

I need a tape recorder, I think.

I keep having great ideas for blog posts, and I know that just as soon as I sit down at the computer, this amazing thing is going to flow right out of me!

Then I actually sit down, and that absolutely genius idea I had in the car on the way to Target, is gone.

Not just gone like nothing was there. It's like a Black Hole of an idea, where the absence of it is pulling me in with it's gravity.

The idea didn't just go. It was swallowed.

Is this Mommy Brain? Midlife senility? The long term effects of sleep deprivation on a woman?

I have no idea. All I know is that I had something decent to write and now all I have is the nagging frustration that I can't remember that thing.

To be fair, I've forgotten other things as well. I can even forget to pee if I'm kept busy enough. At least that one never gets forgotten forever.

Life is a vast field of experiences, thoughts and ideas. Maybe some we get to pick up and carry with us, and others we only get to look at. And some we pick up and set down along the path, and then we realize we forgot the idea for our blog posts.

But there's tomorrow, I think. And I'll have another idea then. Maybe I'll ask Siri to make a note for me. She's way better at remembering things than I am.

What did we do before? I don't remember.

*****
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A Shameless Plea

I have a whole lot of kiddos on my couch right now. They're watching How To Train Your Dragon. Next week, should we all make it to next week, we'll watch How To Train Your Dragon 2, Revenge of the Winged Puppy, or whatever it's called.

These are some of my favorite moments. When all of the kids are quiet and nice to each other, equally excited about something fun.

I'd sit with them, but sadly there's no room left for me. So I'm at the kitchen table, pondering my blog.

There is so much to write about. I just don't know what people will want to read. I try to write for myself, about things that interest me, or things my family is doing that I want to remember.

But I'll admit that I'm happy when people read it. 

And people get weirdly excited about posts I thought were no big deal, while seeming to skip over posts I though were really fun. I'm not sure I totally get that. 

There are other blogs out there. Some so much more well written than mine, some far less well written. Some with moms who are experts, which always surprises me when some of them seem to have been moms for all of about 12 minutes, but hey, maybe that was all they needed. Me, I'm still learning.

So, instead of telling you about my exceptionally boring day, which mostly involved me, data entry, and a close personal relationship with a box of kleenex, I will instead leave you with a shameless plea to click the banner below which casts a vote for my blog. I have fallen from number 13 and it's making me feel downright unloved. 

Also, if you've ever had a burning question about me or how I do things, feel free to ask. I'd love to have some posts I don't have to think so hard about.

I'm Not That Kind Of Blogger

Said Anne, never ever.

I had a whole post I was writing. It was a lot about nothing but me, still trying to make my life seem more interesting than it really is. Because my house on a Sunday is not the wild party house you think it is. And you do think it's a wild party house don't you?

Then I remembered what I actually wanted to write about today (but had forgotten, because I apparently have the memory of a goldfish).

So, I've been reading this mom blog. It seems pretty popular. She has a really slick page, and a lot of followers. She writes in a way that's accessible and easy to read. You feel like you have a little view inside her life. And, like me, she also has a big family.

I liked it!

So, I started commenting on things there. I think it's a touch annoying that any comment you post doesn't link to your blog or webpage, because I have found so many interesting people through comments they've left elsewhere, and I love the idea that comments create connections and conversations beyond that one post or blog. But, whatever, I'd still rather be part of the conversation there, than not part of it at all.

But, she never responds to the comments.

I don't get it. I could understand if she was getting hundreds of comments. I mean, I'd be shocked as hell if the Bloggess answered her comments. That would take all day.

But this blogger is getting a handful of comments on each post. It would take her a few minutes to answer.

Granted, she is not obligated. And if she doesn't want to talk to her readers, that's her choice. Or maybe she's insanely busy and really just doesn't have the time. I don't know, and I'm not going to judge it.

But it makes it feel less like a conversion with another mom about the funny things happening in her life, and more like I've bought a ticket to the show, and am expected to leave when it's over.

I guess I'm just not a fan of that style.

Cecily Kellogg of Upercase Woman used to always respond to my comments. With an email. She took the time out, every single time I commented, to answer me. I'm pretty sure she did it for all of her comments, and she had a lot of them. It had to have been time consuming. But as someone who read her faithfully, I appreciated that she took the time to interact with me.

So I started thinking about what kind of writer I want to be. 

I want to be the kind of writer that you feel like you're having a cup of coffee with (or a glass of wine, whichever) and I'm telling you about how Ciaran tried to be Handy Manny today, and hammer nails into my walls.

So we had the good discussion of how Handy Manny learned how to do that, and he knows how to use tools and what to nail together. But right now, you're an 8 year old boy, so how about more imagination, and fewer actual household projects, please.

After which he then just proceeded to use a hammer without nails.  Promting me to do something kind of like this:



And then I could tell you how I had to move the dog's tie out, because she's literally eating the home she wants to live in. I kid you not, she's chewing the shingles on the house. It makes me do that thing above. Again.

And then I'd make a joke, and we'd laugh, and you'd tell me about your dog, or your kid, and we'd laugh again. Because as much as I don't want to be here talking to myself, I don't want to be just talking at the nice people who read what I write. That's just not fun for me.

What do you think? Do you like blogs that are more conversational, or just kind of a check in and be done kind of thing?

*****

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Confessions of Blog Envy

I have always thought that I wasn't particularly clever with Blog Titles. Not for posts, and not for my blog, either. I read through other people's blogs and think, "What a great name! Why can't I think of stuff like that?"

I remember especially thinking that when I came across Mrs. B's, Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom.  I mean, seriously, what better way to say, "Hey, we're here, and we're just another part of your community. Get to know us!"

(By the way, if you liked COAPSM, and are sorry it's gone, you can continue to follow Mrs. B at her new home here)

I have thought a lot about re-branding the blog.  Maybe something catchier, maybe something more interesting.  But, let's be real, I couldn't even come up with a terribly interesting tag line, how am I going to re-brand the whole blog?  To be fair, it's hard to explain who and what you are in just a few words.  Really, really hard.  That said, I still suck at it.

The whole thing is really frustrating.  Because it doesn't matter how good your content is (and I am completely incapable of judging my own content) if there is nothing about a quick view that grabs people's attention.  And people know absolutely nothing about me from my blog title and tag line.  Excuse me for a minute while I bang my head against this wall here.

.....

Okay, much better.  But here's what I noticed after finding Mrs. B's blog.  There are a lot of blogs that start with "Confessions of".  Which is not a criticism, at all, just an observation.  It made think that we bloggers apparently have a lot of things that need to be confessed.  And, what should I be confessing?  My failure to answer e-mail sometimes? Although I'm totally on top of it at the moment.  Maybe my cheese addiction? My love of Doctor Who?  What have I got?  In the end, much like my name/tagline brainstorming, I'm coming up empty. Which blows.

The thing is, I don't really care if I'm widely read, or really popular.  I mean, really, I haven't been popular since....ever. The joy that I've always found in blogging, was an ability to connect with people.  It's the sharing of experience, both unique and similar, that weaves us together as a community.

A community of parents, of mothers, of women, of people, all over the world.  I love seeing what makes us the same, and what makes us different. How do we approach parenting? Stress? World events? It's knowing other people's stories and experiences, that brings increased meaning and insight to my own. What we have here, in the ability to self-publish, comment, and share this way, is really special!

While blog envy is not something new for me (one day I have to come up with money to get someone to design something better for me), what I'm hoping at this point is, that instead of obsessing on the layout, or look, or title, or tagline (not that I'm going to completely stop, if I'm being completely honest with myself), maybe I can delve deeper into how what I read elsewhere, informs me. I'm fascinated by how we, as people, connect and interconnect. Blogging is kind of a fascinating platform for that.

In other news, do you know what empty yogurt packages smell like after they've been shoved under a bed for a while?  If you don't, I'm officially jealous of you.  I've talked about it before, but kids are gross.

The Plain Truth

I went for so long, thinking I had nothing to write about.

Now that I've decided that my writing muscles simply must be flexed, I find myself somewhat overwhelmed by the number of things I want to say. Sometimes I honestly don't know where to start. But there's this thing that's been on my mind, and I decided just to lay it out there, because it's been bothering me.  And maybe some of you have experienced it, too.

When I started blogging in 2003, I wasn't even sure what blogging was.  I treated it like an online family diary.

Over time, I met people. We shared the stories of our families, and formed relationships. There are still people that I am friends with to this day, whom I have never met in real life. But they saw me through Sarah's death, and the following pregnancy. They've seen my through Autism diagnoses, and Liam's pregnancy with his encephalocele. They saw me step back and re-evaluate everything I believed, and then step onto another path with a completely different faith.

That's kind of a lot.

I will admit, there are a few posts that I wrote long ago, that I've deleted. I can't fathom what caused me to post them in the first place, and with where I am now, they feel like they were written by someone else entirely. I'm not trying to hide who I've been or where I come from, it's just that I feel so negative about them, that I don't want them here anymore.

But I'm mostly a pretty open book. I may not share every single private detail of my life, nor would anyone want me to. But I don't lie about myself. I can't figure out what good it does anyone. If I were to be dishonest about myself, the connections I make through blogging wouldn't be real. Nor would the insights that I gain from writing these things down. I wouldn't just be false to the two of you who read this (Love you, Mom!) but I would be false to myself, too. And, naively, I tend to think that other people feel the same way about it.

So, color me shocked as hell when I find out that someone I invested time and energy into, is a big-fat-faker.

It's not a new story, I know. As long as there has been an internet, there have been people making things up on it. Sometimes, though, it really hits home. A few years ago, a friend who I'd met through a message board but had developed a real-life friendship with (we took our kids to the zoo together, spent time in each others homes, talked often, and I thought we were close), faked her own suicide online. I was devastated. I really thought she had died. I called her home and left a message, trying to get details for her funeral. When she called to tell me she was alive, my first feeling, was total relief. Then I was mad. Really mad.

We are not friends anymore. I can forgive a lot of things, but I'm not going to allow my friendship and my feelings to be abused that way again. Which is good. It turns out she's on another website making things up now. One of her wild stories even got published on Slate, before they took it down, realizing that it was not likely true.

When I was pregnant with Liam, I reached out to a local Minnesota Mom and blogger whose son had been born with an often fatal health issue. I had followed her and her beautiful family, thinking of them, praying for them, commenting on her blog, especially when her son was having problems. I thought, with all the love and support poured out to her during her pregnancy and her son's health problems, she would pay that forward. I mean, that's what people do, right? I thought she'd give me some advice, express some understanding, offer some support, something. She did none of those things. She ignored me. I'll admit, I was hurt. I was scared and thought she'd have insight on how to get through it.

I've recently found out that she was found to have not been totally honest. Apparently her way to get through it was to milk it for all the attention (and money) it could get her. And when things got boring, it seems she made some things up entirely to keep it interesting. Her blog doesn't even exist anymore. Her son's problems were real, and I'm not sorry for the energy I spent on him. But I'm frustrated that so much goodwill and time was spent on her, when she wasn't being honest with her audience, and wasn't willing to share generosity of spirit that she had been shown.

So, if you decide to read this blog, I can tell you a few things. I'm sometimes going to be funny (I hope). I'm sometimes going to be serious.  I'm sometimes going to be sad. But I'm always going to be honest about who I am, what I'm thinking, and what my experiences are. This is it, right here. This is me. In all my stretch-marked glory.

If you'd like to get to know me, I'd definitely like to get to know you.

Ordinary Pagan Mom?

Courtesy of Magical Graphics

Finding a new blog theme was hard.  Like I explained yesterday, it was pull my hair out, cry, and yell at inanimate objects hard.  But it made me think about what I want my blog to be about, and what I want it to mean.

I started this blog as a homeschooling mom.  It's complete focus was on our schooling and what we were doing.  I wanted people to see how much was involved in homeschooling.  We were doing so much!

Then the blog morphed.  It became a mommy blog, and specifically one with a Christian focus, as I was quite devoted to my faith.

I have tried to explain to people why I chose to leave the faith.  I wish I could point to one thing, like what happened when Sarah died, but really Sarah's death started me down a path I didn't even see at the time.  There were so many things, and so many reasons.  But make no mistake, it was a choice.  I found myself becoming more angry, resentful, and bitter.  I wanted to love the faith, and I had to leave before I stopped.  I see Christianity as a path I neededto walk. I had to explore it.  I had to learn things about myself that I would not have learned otherwise.  When I left, I was unsure of where I would end up.  I read a lot, and found myself drawn to Paganism, but not for the same reasons as I had when I was younger.  I wasn't choosing Paganism to rebel, but because I wanted a faith that I felt honored the Divine that moved through all living things, that allowed me a path to participate without the need for anything or anyone else, and provided me with the freedom to express my faith as best as I understood it and without having to judge the rightness of what anyone else believed. (How's that for a run-on sentence?)

I have fought with myself over how the blog should progress from there, and subsequently, I've found myself writing less, as I'm not sure of my own direction.  Do I this to be a Mom Blog?  Maybe, but I want to acknowledge that I'm more than that.  Do I want this to be a Special Needs Mom blog?  Maybe, but I'm more than that, too.  And I'm of the opinion that my kids need me to be the person who helps teach them to navigate their world more easily.  Which is what my regular needs kids require as well.  Is it humor, drama, serious, deep?  I think it's all of those things.  It's life.

The biggest question was, did I want to sort of re-brand myself as a Pagan Mom Blog?  Well, first of all, there are others out there who are doing that far better than I could, and who are far more knowledgeable. They also tend to be geared toward other Pagans.  I hope other Pagans read me, but I hope non-Pagans do, too.  I have been concerned about talking about faith and religion too much.  First of all, I don't want to be overbearing.  I've seen it, I've done it, I never want to beat anyone over the head with my religion ever again.  Second of all, I didn't want to alienate anyone.

So, that second-of-all thing I wrote, is kind of a big deal for me.  I've been sitting with it a while, and it's only finally working itself through to some conclusion.  And here's what I've finally decided: I hope that anyone who has questions about what I believe, would ask me.  I'd even be happy to do a post answering questions about what I believe.  I'd like people to get to understand that Pagans are everywhere, and we volunteer for the PTO, we're your nurses, mechanics, teachers, therapists, and more.  I want people to see that we're not to be feared, and we're not a bunch of crazy weirdos.  At the same time, it's not my job to make everyone comfortable all the time.  Some people won't like it, some people won't like me, and that's okay.  I can live with it.

After all that, I still am not entirely sure where this blog is going.  I'm just hoping you'll come along for the ride.  Again, feel free to ask me anything.  I'm largely an open book.  I'm also playing with my tagline.  Tagline writing is hard.

Excited! And Not.

I can get excited about a lot of things. Such as:

• School is starting in about six weeks.  This means I've survived half of the Summer, and we haven't all lost our minds yet.
• We're going on our first family vacation ever, next week, to a resort by a lake, and we are pretty gosh darned happy about it.
• Liam is starting to jump, and so, while he's currently screaming at his siblings for no apparent reason, I'm going to focus on the positive here, m'kay?  Jumping is a big deal developmentally!

But you know what I'm not excited about?

Changing my blog design.  Seriously, it makes me nuts.  Like pull my hair out by the roots, cry, and yell at inanimate objects kind of crazy.  But I did it anyway. This is the new layout.  If you hate it, please, lie to me.

I need to do this every so often.  I mean, granted, there are like two of you out there who read this, and even you go away when I neglect if for a long time. But while Facebook is great for keeping up with my mom and such, this has always been the place where I've written down the most important events in my family's life.  I want to write here.  I need to shake things up a little bit, sometimes, and get inspired.

Here's the thing with blog design.  It used to be free.  But now everyone is selling their designs on Etsy.  That's a giant pain in the ass.  Also, the thing with blogging these days, especially mommy blogs, is that they are Picture. Perfect.

I kid you not, from what looks to be a professional photo in their sidebar (as opposed to my iPhone selfie with a nice Instagram filter) to the perfect images of their impeccably dressed children, running on the beach.  These are perfect women, with perfect lives.  Or at least that's what a casual passer-by might think.  Okay, maybe it's just what I think.

And good for them!  I'd be perfect too, only I'm too busy magic erasing crayon off the walls.  And I'd look professional too, except I need a good filtered selfie so you can't see my wrinkles.

I'm comfortable.  I kind of want my blog to be comfortable, too.  I think I got as close as I can without paying someone hundreds of dollars to custom design something for me.

Anywho, the dog is barking that plaintive bark that sounds like a lower pitched version of your smoke detector warning beep.  You think she's done and then, nope, another bark saying, "please let me out so that I can eat the pork chops off your plates."

That probably means I should go eat dinner.  Keep reading, please, it makes me write more when you read it.

And you can comment.  I totally like that, too.

What Is Wrong With People? Pagans & Copyright

It's a theme I've wanted to tackle for a while.  Maybe not Copyright, per se, but the whole idea of "What is wrong with people?" which is a question that I ask at least on a weekly basis.  This may have be a recurring theme.  Today, for the first time in months, the kids are in school except for the youngest two, who are both napping, and the quiet in my house makes me want to do a happy dance. Or, you know....blog.

So, now that the motivation to blog has hit, and I'm finding myself, yet again, asking the important question of "What is wrong with people?" I thought I'd address it.  Or at least the version of it that is on my mind today.

We all know that taking things that don't belong to us is wrong.  We don't wander through Target, putting things in our carts, and then walk out without paying for them.  Someone made that thing.  Someone deserves to be paid for their work.  It's not ours.

It's the same thing I explain to my kids when they have taken food from the pantry.  That food belongs to someone.  It is intended for someone.  And if you eat it, they can't.  The pantry is not self-filling.  I have to go out, and pay for that food.  I buy as much as we need to eat for the week.  And I can't make meals work, if I'm missing key ingredients.  It doesn't belong to them.  It's really simple.

Why should that be any different on the internet?  If I want to share something that someone else has written, I will quote it and provide a link to the primary source material.  I will give credit where credit is due.  This is common sense.  It hasn't always been easy to do with pictures.  But now, with Google image search, it should be much easier.  Still, I'm not here to judge honest mistakes which do get made from time to time.

But someone who creates nearly 100 blogs, and is blatantly ripping off other sites, passing their words and images off as his own?  That's not a learning curve issue or an honest mistake issue.  It's plagarism.

It does bother me, that two prominent Pagan bloggers were called out for this behavior, but what really got to me was their attitude about it.  If I do something wrong, I need to fix it.  I need to figure out where my error lies.  And if I've done something wrong unintentionally, I need to apologize for it.  What I read from one of the bloggers was that those who were trying to get her to stop plagarizing, were just "jealous bitches".  In fact, this kind of attitude seemed to be the way for both of them.  It was either "not a big deal" or really, the fault of other bloggers and writers who werecausing  trouble.  What kind of attitude is that?  I can think of no faith that would embrace that outlook.  But since Paganism is a faith that recognizes the divinity that moves through all of us, and connects us to the world around us, and each other, it should never be an us vs. them mentality.  We are all in this together.  I mean, seriously, "jealous bitches"?  What is wrong with people?

I love to see my friends succeed.  Both in real life, and online with blogs and websites.  A win for them, is a win for me, too.  As we Pagans become more visible, we become better understood.  So, when people read our websites and blogs, I want them to see people who operate with integrity, humility, and a great reverence for one another as human beings.

Of course, there is always a price to be paid by those who step up and call for action when talking about it has been unsuccessful.  Kallan Kennedy of The Secret Life of the American Working Witch has paid this time.  She has become the diversion.  The one to cast the blame on for insisting that something be done.  She calls herself a "nobody" in the blogging world.  But she is a must-read for me, and I'm proud of her for standing up for the writers who were being stolen from.  Give her a read.  She's totally worth it.  And she has a kick ass blog design.  Seriously, if I were to steal anything, it would totally be that.

Unnecessary Comments

I get it. I do. It's a dog eat dog world out there, and to get your product or service noticed, you need great ways to get public attention. Like blogs.  I mean, why not?  Leave a comment, make a blogger feel noticed, and increase your own visibility, all at the same time.

But I think maybe the spam commenters I get, need help finding their target audience.  So, I thought I would share some things I don't need and why I don't need them.  Are you paying attention, Spam Blog Commenters?

I don't need medication to help me with my erectile dysfunction.

Really.

I do appreciate that you likely make a fantastic product, and I hope it gets to the right people!  It's just that personally, I don't need it.  You know, not having a penis and all that.  And considering the vast majority of my readers are moms, I don't think they will either.  Thanks for thinking of me, though.

I don't need a wife from the Ukraine, Thailand, or whatever other country you have some waiting in.  I'm sure that you have a bevy of amazing young women, just looking for love and their very own green card.  And it is true that sometimes I wish that I had a wife.  You know, if only just to help get crap done around here.  But, while marriage between women is legal here now in Minnesota, it turns out I'm actually already married.

It can get isolating, being a stay-at-home-mom.  You're busy all day with kids, laundry, housework, and other such things.  So, I love that you want to help me escape into fantasy, Blog Comment Spammer.  The thing is, when I think of fantasy, maybe I'm thinking of handsome men in kilts, and not the BBW porn links you're sending me.  Once again, I think this may be all about knowing your target audience.  I don't think the 35 year old mother of seven, is it.  At all.

I thought about making a list of the unnecessary porn link types I've gotten, but then I remembered who the five people are who read my blog.  I don't think I want them to know that I know what those terms mean.  I don't think I even want them to know that I know what porn means.  Hi, Mom!  So, lets's just go with No Porn.  The internet is full of it.  I'm sure I can find it if I need to.  Okay?  Thanks!  I'm sure my mom will thank you, too.

So, I speak English.  Sometimes even coherently.  I speak some Spanish too, but it's mediocre at best, and only when you speak very slowly.  Seriously, if you speak Spanish to me, talk to me like I'm a toddler.  That's how I roll.  So, Spam Commenter, if English is your second language, I appreciate that you've tried.  Learning another language is hard.    But your ad has to be somewhat coherent.  If you lack any kind of sentence structure and I can't figure out what you're trying to sell me, I don't think you'll be very successful.  Especially if I figure out that what you're trying to sell me, is a language program.  Because if that's as good as you get, I think I'll pass.

Really, I don't need a new business, lady, porn site, car, perscription for Ambien or pill to make my member larger.  But again, thanks so much for asking.  And, by all means, if you have some comment spam that can send me someone to do my laundry, I'm willing to talk.

Facebook Is Killing My Blog

Despite all of the advances in connecting social media outlets, I think Facebook is killing my blog.  Once upon a time, like 10 years ago, I started this blog on this brand new site I heard about from Tenniel of School@Home.  What a cool idea it was, to track what we were doing as a homeschooling family.  I wrote about our adventures, our struggles, and the cute things my kids did.  It has become, over the years, pretty special for me.  It kept track of those little things that I would have otherwise forgotten.

So much has changed for us in almost 10 years.  We're not a family of four anymore.  We don't practice the same faith.  We don't homeschool.  And I don't write things down here as often.  I post my quirky anecdotes on Facebook, chat with friends on Twitter (okay, maybe not Twitter so much, I forget it's there). People comment and discuss much more so then they ever did on my blog.  And my life disappears into cyberspace.  Those events I post there will not be so easy to look up and recall.

This blog has taught me a few things:

• People on the internet can be mean.  Especially when they can be anonymous, and you are a stranger that they never have to see.  
• If you write things down in a public place, people will think that means that your life is their business and they should have some say in it.  
• People can be very judgmental and never left the third grade bully mentality behind.  

Luckily, blogging has also taught me that the world is both big and small simultaneously.  It has taught me that there are people who can connect with you, share with you, and support you, even if you've never actually met. And it has taught me that raw honesty has it's place.  Overall, this blog has been a much more positive experience than a negative one.  Honestly, it also really helped me to confront (if not yet conquer) the idea that I can't make everyone understand or like me.  

Today Brennan woke up with a fever.  So, I'm hanging with my three little boys on a cold January day.  I have an Asian Pork dish simmering in the crockpot, and housework calling my name.  I'm going to try to keep this little diary of our lives going for a bit longer.  I'm kind of attached to it.  Even if it is sorely neglected at times.

Our History

What this blog is for, has changed in the nine years I've been writing it. For a while it was a log of what we were doing as a homeschooling family. For a while it was following where I was in terms of my life and faith. But all along it's been a place where I've recorded the stories of my family. What makes us...us. There are a thousand things our kids do that make us crazy, or make us laugh, and the truth is we'll forget most of it. But every so often I can look through back posts here, and remember moments that would have been lost forever if I hadn't written them down.

 Reagan is 15 years old now. A Sophmore in High School, and an awesome kid. We banter a lot. It would look odd, I think, to people who don't know us, but we make each other laugh almost constantly when we're together. He's not ashamed of me. In fact, we're actually really close.  His idea of a fun evening is hanging out with his friends and playing video games.  So far he is not paying me back for the kind of teenager I was.  But I'm sure someone else will...

 Piper is 10 now. When I started this blog, she was still a baby. She's sensitive and has some of the issues with socialization and organization that we found with Reagan at the same age. She's got such a big heart, though. I struggle with wanting to protect it from everything, and trying to trust that it's big enough to survive the world.

 Bridget is 8. Her birth was a blog post in February of 2004. My first blog-baby. She's kind of sensitive, but a lot tougher than Piper. She gets so sick of being the little sister. She's smart and capable, but we're finding we have to push her to really make her reach for her potential. She has an awesome teacher this year who will not let her get away with anything.  Between her and me Bridget is going to learn and accomplish a lot.

Ciaran is 6.  My rainbow baby is sometimes the one I worry most about.  I know that there are plenty of functionally Autistic adults.  But I can't see the future, and Ciaran is, in so many ways, still a mystery to me.  I can't get behind his eyes the way I can with my other kids.  I do a lot of following his lead and hoping he'll show me what I need to know.

Quinn will be 5 next month, and he's desperate to read.  We've started Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons, and he loves it.  He's kind of bossy, but also very loving and sweet.  I think sometimes he feels he has to be the responsible one, since Ciaran isn't.

Brennan is 3, and he's our family joker.  I vote him most-likely-to-become-a-stand-up-comedian.  That kid will do anything to make you laugh, and if you do laugh, he'll do it again and again, cracking himself up in the process.  His smile is infectious.  He sometimes gets away with more than he should because the cute is too much.  But it never saves him when he wants it to.

Liam is 16 months old.  Wow.  He smiles and laughs and is addicted to patty-cake.  I am his monkey, and when he sees me he starts clapping and won't stop till I do it with him.  Me?  I'm a sucker and now do patty-cake probably 100 times a day.  There are things he's not doing.  Things I'm sure we'll need to work on.  But he's here.  He's here and he sees and he's not having seizures like a lot of babies do after encephalocele removal.  So, anything he does means more to me.  Each new skill is a triumph over the fact that he shouldn't even be here.  They say that only 1 in 5 babies with an encephalocele makes it to birth and that 75% of those are profoundly delayed.  But without the surgical techniques which have been developed over the last century, and without the shunts which were only invented in the 50s, an encephalocele would be 100% fatal, and if not the 'cele, surely the hydrocephalus.  So, he doesn't walk yet, and he's not talking.  But he plays patty-cake with me, and sometimes that alone makes me want to cry for joy.

Dominic has lost about 45 lbs. in the last few months and is working really hard on becoming healthy so he can stay around and help my with our crazy circus.  I'm so grateful and in love with my husband.

This is a snapshot of my family, and where they are right now.  I wonder how it will change, even in just a year...

 

A Mother's Worth

I've mentioned before that I have blog envy. It's not just the pages that look so well put together and kind of adorable (I mean, have you seen The Secret Life Of The American Working Witch?), it's also the ability to pull off a level of creativity and wit.  Once in a while I read an old post of mine and think I almost had it, but it was likely driven away by pregnancy brain or the state of chronic sleep deprivation I've been in for the last decade (Thanks, Kids!).

So, what do I write about that is valuable enough that I will want to read it again, even if no one else does?  Should I write about how Brennan has apparently flushed his Little People Superman down the toilet and I have no idea about how to retrieve it?  Should I write about how Liam has decided I'm his patty-cake monkey and I must dance for him (or play patty-cake in this instance) on demand?  Oh, and demand is frequent.  Should I write about me?  And do I exist apart from this crazy family I've made?

Sometimes it seems like the other women I know are leading these incredible lives.  They're selling products that they're passionate about, starting companies, writing blogs and books and the world is taking notice.  They're interesting people.  But me, I'm just here, in the house, making sure my daily list of chores are done and everyone has clean clothes.  Don't get me wrong, I know there's a specialness in that.  I know that to my kids, I'm really important.  But if I can't find what makes me special and important aside from them, what will I do when they grow up?  Who will I be without them?

There have got to be some things that I'm good at apart from being their mom.  Especially since, some days, I'm not even sure how successful I am at that.

Huh.  I had thought this blog post was going somewhere more positive than this.  I must need more coffee.

What Is Wrong With People?

I hear a story at least once a week these days.  Someone has been harassed for breastfeeding, or a politician is saying something ridiculous, or someone who is disabled has been discriminated against.  And I seem to always go off on a little rant which ends with, "What is wrong with people?".

Some days I'm so encouraged.  Kindness seems to pour from people, sometimes places where you'd least expect to find it.  Then other days it seems like the world if full of incredibly short-sighted and thoughtless people.  It is honestly making me crazy.

I'm thinking of doing a weekly series of "What is wrong with people?" where I can vent about the latest thing that's making me crazy.  After all, that's a good reason for a blog, isn't it?  I should talk about other things too, I suppose.  Now that the kids are in school and I have almost 20 whole minutes in my day which are quiet, maybe I can do more blogging.  I'd like that.  Lately I've been wanting to write but have been burdened with an overabundance of things I'd like to talk about.  I can't narrow it down and decide.  So, I don't write at all.  I'll work on that.

Being A Writer

I don't think of myself as a writer. I have 1000 things I want to write about, and more than a few stories to tell, but I've never given myself that title. I'm not sure if I really need to change my perception of myself, or maybe I'm really not a writer, and I just happen to be someone who writes.

There's something satisfying about the sound of my fingers clicking away at my keyboard, making words appear on the screen.  But then, real writers know how to do much more than that.  They know how to take a boring subject and make it interesting by virtue of their talent and skill.

And a Mommy Blog Writer?  Well, they inspire,  make you laugh, encourage you, or share the latest tips and tricks to make life easier.  I don't know if I do any of those things.  Especially not the last thing.  While I've learned so much as a mom, I haven't learned a lot of short cuts.  Most of what I've learned as a mom tells me that the most important things take time. It's the getting up in the middle of the night, the hour long nursing sessions, it's consistency when teaching a new skill or making sure that an unacceptable behavior isn't continued.  Motherhood is not an easy job.

Still, if I'm not a writer yet, I think I'd like to be.  I think I'd like to keep working at this and honing whatever talent I may have into a bona fide skill.  I'd like to a writer.  Or at least a better Mommy Blogger.