Things I Won't Be Doing This Holiday Season

The Holiday Season means ridiculously cold temperatures, here in Minnesota. It also means a level of chaos unmatched by other times of the year.

There are things I do to manage the chaos. Or, things I don't do. These are the three biggies.

1. Elf On The Shelf

If you do this, more power to you. Personally, I don't have the energy.

I can't remember to move the elf around, or have to have him do things to amaze the kids. I don't have that much imagination, and I can barely remember to get all my kids up in the morning, so there is no way I'm going to remember to move an elf around.

And, to be honest, I find the idea a little creepy.

I don't even tell my kids that Santa looks at whether you're naughty or nice. I mean, I want them to behave because I'm watching. Not some weird little elf.


2. Crazy Wicked Spending

Even if we had the budget to buy our kids really expensive presents, we wouldn't. Or hey, maybe we would and I'm kidding myself. But we don't.

The holidays to us mean a few carefully selected gifts for each child, and quality family time together. We want them to get gifts that they will enjoy and be excited about, for sure. But not something outrageous. If we make a big purchase, we want it to be for the family, not just one child. So, we make those at other times of the year.

And we don't go broke over the holidays. Well, no more than usual, anyway.

3. Over Commitment

There are so many activities, parties, and things to do around the holidays, it can start to feel more like work than like fun. We want our holidays to be a time that we enjoy together, not a time when we've promised to do too many things with too many people.

I think picking your commitments carefully is really important in order to avoid holiday chaos.  Not to mention, this California transplant likes to avoid going out into the cold as much as humanly possible.

***

I've seen the moms on Pinterest. They have Elf on the shelf ideas to share with the world. They're baking every kind of cookie known to man, and several kinds of fudge, too. And then they're putting it all into gift baskets for friends and neighbors, while their kids are in homemade holiday outfits, and sipping fresh cocoa next to intricately decorated fresh trees that they've chopped down themselves.

If this is your family, you are a better woman than I am. And I say that without any jealousy. After all, I'm really hoping for one of those gift baskets.

I put up my fake tree, and let the kids decorate it. I figure the ornaments the dog eats are fewer I have to pack away when the season is over. The kids will get cocoa, but it will be from a packet, and they'll get it if they shovel my driveway first.

But on Yule we'll open presents and spend the day in pajamas watching our favorite holiday movies and enjoy just being together.

Because not losing my mind this holiday season is my gift to myself.

That and a healthy helping of Irish Cream in my coffee.

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"Mom, You Have Too Many Babies"

Tonight I pointed out that the living room could not be left as it was, pillows and snack trash on the floor, video games out, and other such things. Nope, the kids were required to clean up after themselves.

I've decided I'm not paid enough to be a maid.

And tomorrow, I said, we would be doing a general clean up for the weekend, that we could get done quickly and easily if everyone would help.

Quinn (6) looked at me and said, "Mom, you have too many babies."

"Um, yeah, I don't really have any babies anymore kiddo. You guys keep growing up, even though I keep telling you to stop it."

"But mom, there are a lot of people in this house!"

"Well, I can't argue that logic. But, how many is the right amount? How many babies should I have had? Which ones should I give back?"

"I don't know," he said. "Who would you give them back to?"

I thought about it for a minute. "The baby-giver."

"But mom, I thought we lived in you! We can't have lived in you and come from a baby-giver too."

And here I thought they didn't really listen to me.

He wasn't really judging our family size, it turns out. He just wanted it noted that he finds our family a touch on the large side.

And he's right, of course. But it was a bit of a relief when I realized it. I can handle being judged by strangers who balk at big family. But one of the kids? That would be a bit much. I mean, if we didn't have a big family, he wouldn't be here. After all, he was number 5 from me, and number 6 shared. So, in the grand scheme of things, he should probably be grateful.

Quinn really says most of the best things around here. If we were a sitcom, he'd be the quick-witted middle child. And I'm so glad he doesn't want to give any of the kids back. Not only because we can't, but because there's not a damn one of them I could imagine my life without.

*****
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I Don't Love Them More

I see this quote go around every so often in my Special Needs circles.  I can see why it's popular. It feeds into the idea that our kids are great, and it's a "feel good" kind of quote.

Maybe it's just me being contrary, but...I disagree with it.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids more than my dog loves getting her butt scratched. And that's a lot.

But I never saw that they were perfect. Nor did I ever mind that they were imperfect. I don't love them for being blonde or brunette. I don't love them for being tall or short. I don't love them for being boys or girls.

I love them for being themselves.  All they ever have to be for my love, is who they are at their core.

When I found out that Liam had an encephalocele, I didn't love him more. I might be more protective, in some ways, but he's not more special because of it. He's special because he's Liam.

This for me, goes hand and hand with the quotes about Special Needs moms getting special kids because they're stronger, or better, or more capable. That is just plain not true. We're just putting one foot in front of the other like any other mom. And we all struggle. This is the hardest job you ever do. My challenges may be different than another mother, but we all have challenges.

That may be one of the reasons I decided I didn't want this to be a Special Needs blog. It's something we deal with, but I'm a mom first. They're kids first. We're a family first. And whether you're trying to get your six year old to love reading, or stop spinning in class, we're all trying to figure something out, and we can all use a little help from our friends. Even virtual ones.

So no, I didn't love any of them more for being imperfect. I loved them all for being imperfect, right from the start. Because we're all imperfect. Perfectly so.

*****

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To My Son On His 5th Birthday

5 years ago, today, we met for the first time. It was a really special day. It's a shame you can't remember any of it. I mean, I'll bet you don't even know how awesome I looked after I'd been in labor for hours and your dad and the nurse had to catch you. I'm just going to tell you that I looked fabulous. Almost as good as you, in fact.

Of course, that's my Brennan. You just can't wait for things. You just had to come when you wanted to, doctor be damned. You haven't changed much, in that regard.

You were born into a big family, and sometimes I wonder if that was the best or worst thing I ever did to you. I hope you know that you are surrounded by love, every day. Even if sometimes the people who love you, are taking your toys.

Right now you are somewhere between being a little boy, and a school boy. You like to call it being a "medium" boy. You are still all snuggles, and sometimes fall asleep on the couch in the afternoon, after explaining to me that you don't need a nap. I love all the snuggles you give, and your charming smiles. I hope they don't go away too fast, as you discover the fun of being a Kindergarten Kid.

Right now, your favorite color is pink. And what you wanted for your birthday was a doll stroller. Which you got, by the way. Along with a new doll who drinks from her bottle, coos, and even makes sleep noises.

You love her so much, you've named her Margaret, and have spent all evening fussing over her. Seriously, all evening. You actually intimated that I might not be holding her right. And child, let me tell you, I've held a few babies. I've got this. It was hard to convince you to hand her off to someone else so that you could blow the candles out on your cool Batman cake.

I think you're going to be an amazing daddy someday.

I have hopes for you and dreams for you. But really, they don't matter. What matters to me is that you find your hopes and your dreams, and that you follow them, whatever comes. I hope you know that you have a small army of brothers and sisters, not to mention your dad and me, who will be in your corner always. And someday, I think you'll have an amazing partner, too. If they love you half as much as we do, we will love them, and will consider them family.

You have a wicked sense of humor, and you love to make us laugh. You do, too, all the time. I think you're going to make lots of friends when you start school in a couple of days. Just remember, be a good person. Be nice to people. Treat them the way you want to be treated. Some people will love that, and will look out for you the way you look out for them. Some people won't, but that will be their loss, and not yours.

You have a temper, and sometimes an attitude. Try to remember not to let your attitude keep you from the things you really need. Like when you're so mad about being hungry, that you don't want to eat. Seriously, it doesn't even make sense. Stop it.

But keep loving people the way you do. You have a big heart, bigger even than your smile.

I'm so glad I have been your mommy. Let me tell you, Medium Boy Brennan, five years have gone by way too fast.

I love you, I love you, I love you. Happy Birthday, Monkey.

(And because I've been blogging for a million years, here's a link to his birth story, for anyone interested)

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Does this look like she's wrapped in a giant hand? No? Just me?

Some days are just...long.

I'm tired. Actually tired. like I need sleep, tired. I'm also exhausted like I haven't stopped moving since I got up this morning. Probably because I haven't stopped moving since I got up this morning.

Then I'm mentally tired because...do I even want to get into Liam breaking our only TV and all the frustrations that come along with that?  I really don't think so.

I'm just kind of done today. And they don't care.

Because they're kids.

Anyway, I kind of hit my limit today, and I'm not surprised with how long it took me to get there, I'm disappointed that I didn't hit it sooner.

I'm done. I have not been on my game at all.  Not with making sure the kids were doing everything they were supposed to, not with the housework, not with the dog, not with our finances. I've been on top of nothing.

This is why I'm not an "expert" blog.

But today I'm over it. The reason I've spent all day moving is because it is time to knuckle down.

And I had three open houses for five kids. They went swimmingly, by the way.

So tomorrow is a new day, where I will be up bright and early, and my children will likely not be that happy with me, because playtime is over.

That said, I'm going to feel so much better. And maybe once my brain has unclouded itself, I'll be able to write something much more interesting.

*****

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Gratitude First

I'll bet you know that people can be assholes. I'll bet you've experienced it at least once in your life.  Maybe even twice.

Sometimes, I've met them in person.

"Are they all yours?  Well, better you than me." they say.  Not like I have a beautiful family and am so lucky, but more like I have a visible case of herpes.

Thanks, Rude Stranger!

I should start handing out cards to them.  They'll say things like: They're all mine. I know what caused it. I still do that. I love them. I'm not sorry they're all here. No I'm not having more, stranger I've never met before. And yes, I delivered all but one of them vaginally.  Would you also like to see my scar?

Seriously, the things people think are their business are mind boggling.

But I've found another area where people are assholes: When you have kids who are disabled.

People on the street will stop and ask you "what's wrong" with your child. People will stop and stare if your child is acting unusually in public. People might try to guess diagnoses. And they talk about some diagnoses as if they're shameful. People will ask you what therapies you're using. And did you know that their sisters-best-friends-cousin totally used this special diet and CURED their child's Autism?  Yeah, you should try that.

Well, thank you, again, rude stranger on the street, for explaining to me how I should be treating my child's Autism, something I don't treat like a disease.  I sure do appreciate how you know so much when you have zero personal experience at all.

I have a friend whose son has a rare form of Dwarfism.  And get this, people will stop and take his picture on the street. I want anyone reading this to imagine being out with their child, and someone stops to take their picture without so much as introducing themselves. Imagine having to struggle every day between the desire to protect your child from unwanted attention, and the desire to give him a normal life and teach him how to cope with the fact that there are assholes, just walking the streets like normal people.

But here's the thing, Rude Stranger, We have a ton of gratitude that you have missed entirely.

Here's what I wish the really Rude Stranger could understand:

We're grateful for the people who care about us, and our kids, both with special and typical needs.

It's not "too bad" our kids are disabled. We know, having lived in this community, how many people wake up every morning with aching arms and hollow hearts. We're grateful that our children are breathing this morning. Everything else, is gravy.

There's nothing "wrong" with them. They may have different things that they will struggle with as they grow up, but we have learned that they are their own kind of perfect. And we are happy for every little thing they do, even if it seems simple by your standards.

We may struggle sometimes. We may at some point cry for the children we didn't have, and the experiences we won't get with them. But at the same time, we became mothers we didn't know we could be, and have incredible children for whom we are grateful each and every day. Even if sometimes, by the end of those days we are tired in a way that would make a first-time mom with a newborn feel downright well-rested.

You don't need to feel sorry for us, or for our kids, who often find more joy in something simple, than we can in our whole day.  No, no pity needed at all.

What we could use though, is to hear that you see the beauty in our kids. That you love their sweet smiles as much as we do. That you appreciate their gestures of friendship and affection.

We could use cheerleaders who get excited with us for new milestones reached.

And most of all, we could really use you remembering that these are our babies.  Because, Rude Stranger, when you say something thoughtless, or even downright unkind, our children might not notice at all.  But we do, and we ache.

We also want to punch you in the throat.

I'm grateful for all the amazing things my kids did today, even if it was a rough morning. And I'm grateful that I'm surrounded by thoughtful caring people, and not assholes. And that the Rude Stranger is not an everyday occurrence.

Dog Days of Summer

I can't speak for all of mom-dom, but the moms at the PTO meeting tonight seemed to all express the same feeling. We love the nice Summer weather, but are done with Summer Break.

There are a million things I love about my kids, and about our time together without the pressures of school and schoolwork.  But here's what I got today.

• Ciaran interrupted every load of laundry I did. He kept the washer from rinsing, stopped the dryer, took things out, or put things in. 
• Brennan, when displeased with his morning cereal, upended the bowl all over the table. That led to him still eating the cereal (that I would have happily exchanged with another, if he'd asked nicely) just now with no milk, and after a time-out. Mommy's not going to let a tiny tyrant dictate breakfast. Seriously.
• Quinn has been a tiny puppet master with his fingers in every plan for mischief. And is using the floor as his garbage can.
• Liam spent most of his day hitting me, or his siblings.

I want to spend our days dancing in the kitchen, reading books, playing games, singing songs, and generally enjoying the Summer. Instead, I'm counting the days until they're all in school again, in separate classrooms. 

It can't come soon enough.

Maybe today we just weren't on our game. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe we just need a sit-down where I remind everyone of how important it is to be kind to each other. Not just nice. Not just polite. Although those are both important, too. But kind. 

I'm feeling very torn between excitement and sorrow that these days are fleeting. I mean, I know I can't get them back.

I wanted today's post to be full of gratitude. After all, we have a washer and dryer to clean the many clothes we own. We have breakfast to eat, every morning. We have siblings to hit and play with. We have a kitchen to dance in. We have books to read. We have games to play. We have a family. I am grateful beyond words for that.

But right now I'm just glad they've gone to bed so I can remember that they're cute when they sleep.

Tomorrow, right?  

Spectrum Saturdays: Autism on Vacation

Bridget just peered over my shoulder, "Whatcha writing about?"

"Vacationing with Autism," I answered, like I'm totally sure of that title.  "Don't you want to vacation with Autism?  'Cause it's cool?"

"No." She looked at me as if I'd grown a second head.  To be fair, looking at me that way is common because A) she's 10 an B) I'm sometimes a little weird. Of course I think I'm a delight.

But we do, vacation with Autism, I mean.  We do everything with Autism.  And we wouldn't have it any other way.

That said, taking a child with Autism anywhere you've never been before, is somewhat...anxiety producing.  Will they love it?  Will they hate it?  Will they scream?  Who the hell knows?  It's a toss up. So, imagine my incredible surprise, when Ciaran fell in love with our vacation house.  The boy seriously could not have been happier there.  He ran in the grass, he took walks, he went to the clubhouse.  He swam in a damn lake.  Like a fish, too.  No one was more surprised by that than me.  
There are a few things I planned, in order to make the trip a little easier for Ciaran.

• We took the Wii.  Since he's obsessed with it, and it's hard to keep an Autistic kid from whatever he's perseverating on, we just included it in our vacation.  It's not always possible, but when it is, it's worth it.
• I brought some toys I knew he loved.  In fact, I let him pick them out.  
• I planned meals that I knew he'd eat.
• I planned some things for him to do in the car, none of which he did, because...who knows.

One thing that we've been having an issue with, and was a vacation concern, is bedwetting.  I tried just giving up on overnight pull-up type things for bigger kids.  Nothing was working for him.  They were too big, too small, and they all leaked.  Why bother spending money on these things if you're still going to end up with a wet bed in the morning?  And maybe he was just wetting the bed because he thought the pull-up meant he could.

Giving up on pull-ups was a big, fat, failure.  But since the pull-ups were a big fat failure too, at least I wasn't out the money for them.  But we were going on vacation, staying in a vacation house that wasn't ours.  I did NOT want him wetting the bed there.  I went to the store to really look at the options, and I found GoodNights Tru-Fit Underwear. (Full disclosure: I bought them with my own money, and have received nothing from Kimberly Clark for this quick review.  They don't know me at all.)  These things are great!  They're like real underwear, but with a PUL pouch inside for a pad insert.  The pouch stays close to the body, is waterproof, and is gusseted to keep the wet in.  But outside they look like any other brief underpant.  They worked!  There were no leaks, no mess, and Ciaran loved them.  He liked wearing underwear to bed, and he liked not waking up in his own urine.  Who can blame him?  I'm not a big fan of it, either.

There are a lot of things that are hard for Ciaran.  But he took genuine, deep joy, in being away for this vacation.  He literally cried when it was time to come home, because he was so happy there.  And while that didn't stop me from running around like a crazy person this morning, packing up my giant family while trying not to spook the stray dog outside our house, it did make me really happy to know that he'd enjoyed our getaway as much as I did.  Autism can not keep us from living our lives.  We may have to make accommodations to make things easier for our kids, but we are not going to hide away from the world.  

Well, tonight I'm going to hide away from the world.  I'm exhausted.  I need a vacation from vacation now!

Family Lughnasadh, On Vacation

This year, Lughnasadh finds our family, on vacation.  I had such plans.  Really I did.  It's fun to celebrate Lughnasadh with kids.  I was going to pick up corn husks from the local Mexican Market, and some twine and yarn, and we were going to make corn husk dollies, and corn wheels.  I was going to bring things from our alter, so that we have a really nice celebration, even away from home.

But this is me.  Naturally, I forgot to do any of those things.

Maybe I should explain, because some people might not know what Lughnasadh is.  Pronounced Loo-nah-sah, it's the first of three harvest festivals celebrated as the Wheel of the Year turns.  The Irish myth that the word comes from, tells how the God Lugh held a festival in honor of his mother who died of exhaustion, preparing the land to be farmed.  What a good son, right?  For centuries the festival has marked the first harvest of the season.  The weather is warm, the earth is providing good food, and people are happy. Of course, over the centuries, any celebration will change some. You can read more about how we celebrate it now, here.

Anyhow, as I said, I had plans of bringing things with us to make corn wheels and corn husk dollies and then having a small circle to celebrate.  Maybe with some fresh baked bread.  But as I tried to remember to bring everyone underwear, (which I did by the way, SCORE!) I forgot to acquire or bring anything we would need for a celebration here. Fail.

The great thing about an Earth-based religion, of course, is that we don't really need any of those things. They're tools, not necessities.  All we need is ourselves and the land.  Later today we will go outside (remembering bug spray this time) hold hands, and thank the Gods for the many gifts we've been given.

There's another theme in Lughnasadh, besides bounty: Sacrifice.  I mean, the festival originally commemorated the great sacrifice that Lugh's mother Ethniu made clearing the land for the people to grow food.  One of the things that I think is important for Lughnasadh, is asking my children to think about what sacrifices they can make.  I like them to think in terms of service.  What can they do for others?  How can they be helpful?  What can they do to protect the Earth we live on? I want my kids to start looking at the world and find ways to make it better.  I mean, that's a good plan for everyone, whatever their faith, right?

For us, it is our last day here in this incredibly lovely part of Minnesota, in a house we have loved.  We feel very grateful.  That we get to celebrate Lughnasadh here, is a fantastic bonus.

If you'd like to know more, or are looking for some resources, here are a few things to check out.  Please let me know if you think there is something I should add.  And I'd love to hear how you and your family are celebrating, if you celebrate.

Lughnasadh Links:
Make corn husk dollies
Make corn wheels
Children's story for Lughnasadh
Pooka Pages Magazine for kids: Lughnasadh issue


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A Day At The Beach

The kids swimming @ Father Hennepin State Park 

Today's adventure was heading out to Father Hennepin State Park.  A day was planned for playing in the sand, swimming in the lake, and maybe walking one of the beautiful trails.

All of these things happened, but in true Basso style, not exactly the way we'd planned.  

We got a bit of a late start.  It turns out that packing to take nine people to the beach, can be a giant pain in the ass touch complicated.  Towels, sunscreen, bug spray, towels, sandwiches, bottled water, sippy cup, clothes, swimsuits, and so on and so forth.  It took me so much longer than I thought it would.  Some moms make it look so easy.  They carry Marry Poppins' carpet bag, or something, and everything is in it. Paper cut?  They're on it!  I don't have one of those bags, and I'm not quite that organized.  Those moms have a can opener and a corkscrew.  I probably forgot diapers.

Bridget, Reagan, Karina, Ciaran, Quinn, & Piper

We got there, and the kids were off!  That made me a little nervous.  See, you have to understand, growing up in Orange County California, I have a lot of experience with beaches.  Seaside beaches. It can be really dangerous. I can't tell you how nice it was to have teeny tiny waves, and water that was downright warm compared to the frigid waters of the Pacific.  Lakes are a lot nicer than I realized.  

Reagan, Karina, Piper, Bridget, Ciaran and Quinn all loved the water.  There was splashing, playing, swimming, and tons of laughter.  I tried to get Liam in, but he was really afraid of swimming, so I didn't push him too hard.  He had fun trying to taste-test all the sand on the little playground on the beach.  Which is fair, really, I mean, you can't know where the best tasting sand lives until you've tried samples from all over.

Walking Trail @ Father Hennepin State Park

Brennan, who seemed to be feeling much better today, just shut down at the park.  He wasn't going to be happy on the playground, in the water, or anywhere at all.  And shame on us for breathing.  How dare we!  So, I wrapped him in a towel after a failed attempt to get him to go swimming, and there he stayed until almost the very end.

After lunch, Karina and I took Liam for a walk on one of the gorgeous walking trails that wind through the park.  We were just going to do about a half mile round.  Now, while we were smart enough to bring bug spray, we were not smart enough to use said bug spray.  Oops.

So, the farther we got down this winding trail through the forest, the more the mosquitoes came out as if a buffet had been served.  It had to be a funny sight to see Karina and I smacking each other, trying to get all of them off.  We ended up cutting the walk short after I smacked half a dozen off of Liam's legs.

Mommy & Liam play on the beach.

Bassos are apparently delicious.  At least if you're a blood sucking insect.

Bugs, by the way, are why I'm not a fan of camping.  I know, bad Pagan. I love the woods, I love nature!  I just don't want to live in it.  Not without some walls, or something to keep the dirt and bugs out.  I know, I am in so much trouble if the zombie apocalypse comes. 

After a couple of hours, the kids wore themselves out, and we came home for a late nap and some relaxation.  We are looking forward to one full day more here on vacation, then back home to the Cities on Saturday.  It's coming too fast.  

We love our vacation.

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Vacation Cravings

Photo From Richmond.com

Today has been largely a day off from active vacationing.  Brennan came down with a fever last night, and it has continued on today with a very tired boy spending most of the day in my bed.  Our trip to Father Hennepin State Park has been postponed until tomorrow, and we've spent the day hanging out at our wonderful vacation house.

I have spent this time watching Bizzare Foods with Andrew Zimmern, and Man Vs. Food, on the Travel Channel.  This is why I can't have cable.  I can literally watch this stuff all damn day.

Did you know that there is a huge Cambodian population in Lowell Massachusetts?  The only place with a bigger Cambodian population is Long Beach California.  That's where I grew up, and I never knew that.  Nor did I know what amazing food they have.  I kind of want to eat all of it.  Right now.

Did you know that June Bugs can be food?  I didn't.  Still not going to eat them.  But, wow, right?  Who knew?

Did you know that stinging nettles can be food and that they have a lot of anti-inflammatory properties?  I didn't know that either.  I'm going to stop treating them like a weed in my garden, and start harvesting them.  I'm not kidding.  I've even found soup recipes for them.

Man vs. Food proves to me that there are some ridiculous things that people shove in their mouths, but still makes me hungry.  Just not for some of the things he's challenged to eat.

Obviously I can't eat all of that food.  It would not be good for me in any way.  So, I had to find a way to satisfy my need for some good food, without going crazy.  I made some Chicken Paprika with Sour Cream Gravy for dinner, courtesy of I Breathe I'm Hungry.

Not that I haven't relaxed my eating standards somewhat on this vacation, I mean, it is vacation, and as Karina likes to tell me, "treat yo'self" (she'd be a terrible diet coach, by the way).  But it's nice when I'm craving really savory wonderful food, to have such an easy dish that I could make that so easily satisfied those cravings without being crazy bad for me.

In another, totally unrelated story, Brennan had a weird dream this afternoon where spiders were crawling on him, and instead of helping, I just threw mail at him.  I'm apparently not a nice mom, at all.

Another Day In Paradise

Small town Minnesota

Today was a very laid back day, here in vacation-land.  This Mama got to sleep in, and her husband brought her coffee and breakfast in bed.  A girl could get used to that kind of thing.

We relaxed for most of the morning.  I drove into town to get a few groceries.  I went across the street to grab some cash at the bank.  Next to the bank was a giant fish.  Why? Who knows.  I'm going to assume it has to do with the local fishing.  Whatever the reason, it was most definitely something I stood and marveled at for a minute or two before going in to get my cash.

In the afternoon, we headed to the clubhouse here at the resort.  Dominic completely kicked my ass in a game of pool.  I was never really good at pool.  Strangely enough, not playing for a decade did not improve my game.  Then we taught the kids to play air hockey and ping pong.

Can I just say that the Basso kids are really hard ping pong hitters?  I think we spent most of our time chasing the ping pong ball all over the room.

After nap-time, we played in the hot tub.  Then we had dinner and after that, the kids played with some kids who are staying next door.

Now we are curled up on the couches and chairs, while watching The Dark Crystal, and eating the last of the s'mores.

Reagan made a joke tonight about watching Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal, and how he and Karina are sharing their childhood with the younger siblings.  I don't know how old he thinks these movies are, or how old he thinks I am, but uh, I'm pretty sure these movies are me sharing my childhood with the lot of them.  I'm also relishing every day here.  When we go home, my teen will head back to his computer and friends, but for right now, this week, he's ours.

Brennan is running a temperature tonight.  We're hoping he feels better by tomorrow.  We have a trip to the one of the local State Parks planned.

Something Else I Never Thought I'd Do

Soo Line Trail Sign

There are so many things I never anticipated saying when I became a mother.  "No parkour in the bathtub!", "No, do not grab your brothers penis!", "Do not pee on your brother!", "Do not pee in the front yard!" and so many more.  In fact, when it comes to things I never thought I'd say, for some reason it seems to always end up having to do with my boys and their genitalia.  I did not know that this was such a thing with boys.  Maybe it's not if you only have one or two.  But I have five.  That's a lot of...testosterone.  Anywho, today on another beautiful day in Onamia Minnesota, we decided to head out for a walk on the Soo Line.

The Depot Library.  

We parked at the Depot Library, and got out.  At which point, I realized that Ciaran needed to pee.  He stood, hopping from foot to foot, doing the well-known, yet never specifically taught, pee-pee dance.  I looked at the tiny library, hoping against hope, that there would be a bathroom inside.  And maybe there was, but we never found out.  It was closed.  And of course, Quinn and Brennan had to go too.  I looked around.  Playground with a couple of little kids, huge wharehouse type building, wilderness, there was no place that I could see that might have a bathroom.

Bridget, Piper, Karina, Reagan, and Quinn walk ahead.

So, I said something I've never said before.  "Come on boys, form a circle, everyone pee in the middle, but not on your shoes or each other."  A minute later, three of my sons had formed a circle and were giggling wildly while peeing in the middle, not on their shoes and not on each other.  It's funny how, sometimes, it's the little things that make you grateful.


Not that there were many people around, maybe one parent over at the playground, but no one seemed to notice their exposure.  Though the parent at the playground might have been chuckling a little.  We went on our walk and it was lovely.  We could have gone farther, but the gravel road was proving hard for the stroller.

The afternoon was spent hanging at the house, and swimming in the hot-tub.

After the kids went to bed, Reagan led us in a Dungeons & Dragaons encounter.  Which, is the only thing he really wanted to do on this vacation: play games with his family.  That's pretty great, too.

Have I mentioned that I love vacation?

The Best Vacation

Dominic and the kids get settled in to watch Labyrinth

We are on vacation this week.  A week at The Villiage at Izatys.  It's idyllic.  An hour and a half away from home, it wasn't too long a drive, and the kids did great.  The only thing I forgot, was milk.  So, not bad.  This week was an incredibly kind gift from my parents.  The only thing that would have made it better, would have been if they could have come, too.

Away from home, many of the same things are required as when we're in our own house.  For example, I've done six loads of laundry since we got here.  But I've done them here, surrounded by trees and a golf course!

I've learned that vacations are magical.  Piper and Bridget, have been nice to each other.  They're talking, as if they're friends and really like each other.  It's so sweet!  Now, it's not that the girls don't normally like each other, it's that puberty and girls very close in age...it's complicated.  It's been a relief to have them getting along so well.

Vacations are exhausting.  Brennan (4) just had to sleep.

This morning we hung out.  We played outside, and the girls did a painting project, decorating a cupcake shaped piggy bank.

This afternoon, Dominic and the kids walked down to the Club House and found out what there was to do there.  We'll go back another day and really play there for a while.

Since the pool is closed this year, we all got in the hot tub, which for the younger kids was like a small warm swimming pool.  They thought it was perfect.  Even Liam got in, though he mostly sat on my lap. Then we ate dinner.

Now we're all sitting around, watching Labyrinth, while eating popcorn and smores.  This may be my favorite part, so far.  We have plans for a trail tomorrow, a state park later in the week, and a couple of other things.

I Love Vacation.

Stress Free Travel With Your Kids!

First of all, let's be clear, you aren't here because I'm the impeccably dressed better-than-you-mom.  If you're here, it's because you know that watching me try to navigate the world of parenting can be at times, hilarious, and watching me makes you feel better about yourself as a mom.  I mean, really, did you hear your three-year old this morning yelling "Penis" as loud as humanly possible?  No?  Then, parenting win for you, I say.

We have taken family trips to California for many years, with decreasing regularity as our family has grown.  But we stay with my folks, and mostly visit family and friends.  It's not a "Family Vacation", if you see the difference I'm going for here.

I was beyond thrilled when my mom and dad told me that they'd made arrangements for us to stay at a local resort, for an entire week.  It's so nice.  We'll be in a house.  A house twice as big as the one we live in.  Full kitchen, spa, four season room, everything.  It's right on a golf course.  It should be lovely.

It's only an hour and a half drive from here.  Not bad.  But I have to pack us for the week.  Clothes, toiletries, toys, household items, groceries, everything.  There is so much to do, and it's possible that I'm losing it.  Or, at least I would be if there were anything left to lose.

So, what are my tips for stress free travel?

• Realize that there is no such thing.
• Purchase wine, if you drink it. 
• Make lists, because it's very grown up, isn't it?  It works, too, so that's nice.
• Make some more lists, because the more kids you have, the more you'll have to remember.
• Drink some wine.

Let me reiterate: It's not stress free.  But so what?  Life isn't stress free.  Maybe the goal shouldn't be to not have any stress, but to manage it better.  

Tips for managing it better:

• Delegate.  Let other people do the things you don't have to do yourself.  The kids cleaned out the van for me in preparation for grocery shopping and packing.
• Let some things go.  It won't all be perfect.  I haven't even checked the van to see what kind of a job they did.  Maybe it was crappy.  But I didn't have to do it, so I'm choosing not to care.
• Know that this will pass.  This is both a blessing and a curse.  They may scream for the entire 90 minute drive out to the resort.  It will pass.  But Reagan will be a Senior in High School this year, and my days of all of my kids being kids, is drawing to a close.  You have to hold on to it while you can.  Because it will pass, and you'll never get it back.
• Don't yell.  I'm already a believer in not yelling (even if I'm not always perfect at it in practice), but it doesn't help and only stresses everyone else out.  Drink a glass of that wine you bought.  Aren't you glad I recommended buying wine?

I plan to take pictures, hold my babies, laugh, snuggle, and explore the great outdoors.  I plan to do all of these things while heavily coated in sunscreen and bug spray.  Because this is Minnesota, and the mosquito is our state bird.  

If you can travel with your kids, enjoy it, and be grateful for the luxury.  It won't be stress-free, but sometimes it's the crazy stories of those things that happen while preparing and traveling, that make the best stories in the years to come.  And I love me a good story. 

Dog Parks & Daydreams

River 5 months old

Have I introduced you to River?  River is our dog.  Really, she's still a puppy.  She's only seven months old.  A black Flat-Coated Retriever mix, she came to us in February at only 10 weeks.  Did I tell you that she was adorable?  She was.  Super-freaking stinking cute.  And little.  Much more little than she is today.  Which was good.  It made cleaning up her messes and teaching her to go potty outside in 30 below temps, easier.  Because who wouldn't want to do everything for her sweet face?

She's got the hang of going potty now, and rarely has an accident.  As a mom who has been changing diapers for seventeen years, that makes me pretty happy.

I actually planned on an adult, short-haired dog.  Not too big, not too small.  Something with a known personality, that I could eventually train as a service animal for Ciaran.  That may still happen, but it's a way down the road.  Right now she's busy chewing.  In this picture, she's nibbling my toes.  Tonight, she nibbled the pizza I was going to make for the kids.

Let me rephrase that.  She pulled the whole pizza down off the counter and ate all of the toppings off of it.  It was spectacular.

The kids ate corndogs.

I had dreams of what my dog would be like.  We would spend hours playing fetch, and running after my beautifully dressed and immaculately clean children, as they rode their pristine bicycles.  I don't know whose life I was daydreaming about, but it certainly wasn't mine.  My kids are largely covered in dirt, wearing clothes they picked out themselves (think stripes and plaids) and River, being a puppy, may be possessed by some kind of running, chewing demon.  I'm not sure.

So, today I took her to the dog park by the airport.  Acres upon acres of grass, woods, and even a pond to swim in.  Also, today, for no additional charge, an insane amount of wind.  That was fun.  And it turns out, my dog, much like my kids, is selectively deaf.  "River, come!" was largely met with "f*ck you, lady, I'm at the dog park! WHEE!"  as she ran, scampered, and fell over other dogs.

If I wanted to be ignored, I could have stayed home. But I will still likely take her back.  Maybe when there's less wind.  It did seem like a pretty cool place, if you're a dog.

The house is finally quiet tonight, as even my sweet dog, (who miraculously regained her hearing when we got home and I shook the box with the biscuits inside, imagine that!) seems to be sleeping.

My real life may not match my daydreams exactly (shocker), but I have to say, I love the dog.  She's a complete goober, and so, fits in pretty darned well in this family.  And her name is River.  Named for both River Song and River Tam, she was destined to be a geek.

Our History

What this blog is for, has changed in the nine years I've been writing it. For a while it was a log of what we were doing as a homeschooling family. For a while it was following where I was in terms of my life and faith. But all along it's been a place where I've recorded the stories of my family. What makes us...us. There are a thousand things our kids do that make us crazy, or make us laugh, and the truth is we'll forget most of it. But every so often I can look through back posts here, and remember moments that would have been lost forever if I hadn't written them down.

 Reagan is 15 years old now. A Sophmore in High School, and an awesome kid. We banter a lot. It would look odd, I think, to people who don't know us, but we make each other laugh almost constantly when we're together. He's not ashamed of me. In fact, we're actually really close.  His idea of a fun evening is hanging out with his friends and playing video games.  So far he is not paying me back for the kind of teenager I was.  But I'm sure someone else will...

 Piper is 10 now. When I started this blog, she was still a baby. She's sensitive and has some of the issues with socialization and organization that we found with Reagan at the same age. She's got such a big heart, though. I struggle with wanting to protect it from everything, and trying to trust that it's big enough to survive the world.

 Bridget is 8. Her birth was a blog post in February of 2004. My first blog-baby. She's kind of sensitive, but a lot tougher than Piper. She gets so sick of being the little sister. She's smart and capable, but we're finding we have to push her to really make her reach for her potential. She has an awesome teacher this year who will not let her get away with anything.  Between her and me Bridget is going to learn and accomplish a lot.

Ciaran is 6.  My rainbow baby is sometimes the one I worry most about.  I know that there are plenty of functionally Autistic adults.  But I can't see the future, and Ciaran is, in so many ways, still a mystery to me.  I can't get behind his eyes the way I can with my other kids.  I do a lot of following his lead and hoping he'll show me what I need to know.

Quinn will be 5 next month, and he's desperate to read.  We've started Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons, and he loves it.  He's kind of bossy, but also very loving and sweet.  I think sometimes he feels he has to be the responsible one, since Ciaran isn't.

Brennan is 3, and he's our family joker.  I vote him most-likely-to-become-a-stand-up-comedian.  That kid will do anything to make you laugh, and if you do laugh, he'll do it again and again, cracking himself up in the process.  His smile is infectious.  He sometimes gets away with more than he should because the cute is too much.  But it never saves him when he wants it to.

Liam is 16 months old.  Wow.  He smiles and laughs and is addicted to patty-cake.  I am his monkey, and when he sees me he starts clapping and won't stop till I do it with him.  Me?  I'm a sucker and now do patty-cake probably 100 times a day.  There are things he's not doing.  Things I'm sure we'll need to work on.  But he's here.  He's here and he sees and he's not having seizures like a lot of babies do after encephalocele removal.  So, anything he does means more to me.  Each new skill is a triumph over the fact that he shouldn't even be here.  They say that only 1 in 5 babies with an encephalocele makes it to birth and that 75% of those are profoundly delayed.  But without the surgical techniques which have been developed over the last century, and without the shunts which were only invented in the 50s, an encephalocele would be 100% fatal, and if not the 'cele, surely the hydrocephalus.  So, he doesn't walk yet, and he's not talking.  But he plays patty-cake with me, and sometimes that alone makes me want to cry for joy.

Dominic has lost about 45 lbs. in the last few months and is working really hard on becoming healthy so he can stay around and help my with our crazy circus.  I'm so grateful and in love with my husband.

This is a snapshot of my family, and where they are right now.  I wonder how it will change, even in just a year...

 

A Mother's Worth

I've mentioned before that I have blog envy. It's not just the pages that look so well put together and kind of adorable (I mean, have you seen The Secret Life Of The American Working Witch?), it's also the ability to pull off a level of creativity and wit.  Once in a while I read an old post of mine and think I almost had it, but it was likely driven away by pregnancy brain or the state of chronic sleep deprivation I've been in for the last decade (Thanks, Kids!).

So, what do I write about that is valuable enough that I will want to read it again, even if no one else does?  Should I write about how Brennan has apparently flushed his Little People Superman down the toilet and I have no idea about how to retrieve it?  Should I write about how Liam has decided I'm his patty-cake monkey and I must dance for him (or play patty-cake in this instance) on demand?  Oh, and demand is frequent.  Should I write about me?  And do I exist apart from this crazy family I've made?

Sometimes it seems like the other women I know are leading these incredible lives.  They're selling products that they're passionate about, starting companies, writing blogs and books and the world is taking notice.  They're interesting people.  But me, I'm just here, in the house, making sure my daily list of chores are done and everyone has clean clothes.  Don't get me wrong, I know there's a specialness in that.  I know that to my kids, I'm really important.  But if I can't find what makes me special and important aside from them, what will I do when they grow up?  Who will I be without them?

There have got to be some things that I'm good at apart from being their mom.  Especially since, some days, I'm not even sure how successful I am at that.

Huh.  I had thought this blog post was going somewhere more positive than this.  I must need more coffee.

News?

Liam is 16 months old. I know, right? It's crazy how time flies.  Just a year ago I was struggling with a tiny newborn who wasn't gaining weight, and hoping he wouldn't need a shunt placed.  Now he's this chunky little guy on the verge of walking and who has decided that my primary purpose in life is to play patty-cake.

So, here's the news....I'm not pregnant.

Maybe that doesn't sound like news, but for me, it kind of is.  There was a nearly five year age gap between Reagan and Piper, but since then, they've come at less than 2 year intervals.  In the last 10 years, I've been pregnant seven times.  That's a lot of getting knocked up.

So now, my baby is sixteen months old.  I should be getting a positive pregnancy test.  Only I'm not.  Dominic finally gave in this year and got snipped.  All done.  No more.  And I'll refrain from explaining how close I came to smacking his urologist when he suggested I could be the one to get fixed, after giving birth that many times including a c-section.  I have done my duty to God and Country.  It was his turn.

So, what do I have to show for the last year?  Well, Dominic and I have each lost over 40 pounds.  I'm working out regularly and eating right.  So is he.  We're getting healthy and taking care of our family.  But it's not going to grow anymore.  I'll be honest, I'd love more babies.  But what I want are the snuggles that tiny little body cradled in my arms while I sleep.  Pregnancy and childbirth?  I'm feeling pretty done with that.  Pregnancy especially gets harder every time, and I've worked really hard on getting my body back!

So, I'm not pregnant.  And in a way, that is news.  It's time for the chapter of our lives where we raise the family we have, and hopefully, really enjoy it.

Sea Monkeys...Why Not?

When Reagan was in the first grade, we did an educational Science unit on Sea Monkeys.  That's the fun of homeschooling, right?  Getting your kids something your mother would never get you, and making it educational at the same time.

We had a lot of Sea Monkeys.  Eventually they died.  One tank might have been dropped by an enthusiastic six year old.  Oops.

But, no one else remembers them.  Only Reagan.  Piper was just a baby.  Bridget wasn't even a thought (ok, maybe she was a thought), and that was all we had.....

Sorry, got lost in a dream of what it would be like to do laundry for just two kids and forgot where I was.

Anywho, since no one else remembers them, it's like we never had Sea Monkeys.  And since we have already established that raising Sea Monkeys can be both a Science Project and educational, I thought it was time we did it again.

I have a brand new tank of what I hope are tiny hatchlings in the kitchen right now.  And in a few weeks they should grow to the freakishly weird looking shrimp things you see in the picture above.  They are a type of Brine Shrimp.  They breathe through their feet.  Adults have 3 eyes.  They can reproduce with or without a mate.  And they're crazy awesome.