Friday, October 24, 2014

Even Sheldon Cooper Has A Girlfriend

I don't mean to give away any spoilers here, but really, if you're three seasons behind on Big Bang Theory, I'm sure I'm not the first person to have given something away.

So, I have to say that I love that Sheldon Cooper has a girlfriend. It may be sexless, and kinda weird, but it's theirs, and it's working for them.

Granted, they're make believe characters, but I don't care. As the mother of kids on the spectrum, it makes me happy. Because let's be honest, Sheldon's an Aspie, right?

It's never stated outright, but it doesn't have to be. He's clearly an Aspie, and more power to the writers for never deciding that he had to be something else.

The show Parenthood has tried to be really educational about Asperger's, but I have to say, I have some issues with the way it's been portrayed.

It bothers me that Max (an adolescent boy) never seems to learn new skills that help him navigate his world more easily. Lots of kids with Spectrum issues, learn things that make it easier for them.

And what the hell with his mother? Christina is freaking Judgy McJudgerson about anyone who is different. She doesn't like the new girl at her son's school because she doesn't care much about being polite, and has no desire to conform.

But in a school that Christina supposedly created for kids like her son, you'd think she would expect kids who say exactly what they think without a filter. That's a pretty common theme among spectrum kids. And while this girl isn't supposed to be an Aspie, she certainly isn't a Normie, either.

More than that, though, I'm bothered by how Christina has dealt with the fact that her son has a crush on the New Girl. She decides that they need to "temper his enthusiasm".

Let me be clear, I'm a big believer that as a parent, our job is not to temper their enthusiasm, especially when it comes to relationships. Best case scenario, you're right, and they do get hurt.

Congratulations. I'll bet you feel just amazing about being right. Take a moment to enjoy that your child is sad, and that means you're right.

Seems kinda crappy, doesn't it? I think so too.

You can't keep them from getting hurt. You can't. That's life. All you will do is undermine their self-confidence when you try. And for what?

On the show, the character tries to explain to her son that the girl might not like him back. And to her husband she expresses an unwillingness to believe that the girl even could like her son.

That really really bothered me.

She is supposed to be this super-accepting and amazing mom who is going out of her way to change the world for her child. But she doesn't think a girl could like him? Are you kidding me?

My kids run the gamut of abilities, strengths, and interests. I believe each of them can be loved. I mean I love them. Why wouldn't someone else?

But at the end of the day, whether someone likes my kid or not, my children should always know that I think they're likable and lovable, that I'm on their side, and that when their hearts are broken, I've got the glue.

Of course it's well hidden and out of reach, because it is amazing what kids can do with glue when your back is turned.

But I have it!

And that's my job. I'm the fixer.Or at the very least, I'm the really good listener who can buy ice cream.

Besides, if Sheldon Cooper can have a girlfriend, there is hope for everyone.

*****
I know they're not real, and I should probably join a 12 step group for my clear TV addiction. But in the meantime, if you like my blog, please click below and give my blog a boost in the ratings! Thanks!

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Thursday, October 23, 2014

Apologies and....Whatever

I'm sorry you guys.

I usually pull what I want to write about from my day.

And I do have a couple of ideas in my head. But I need a day or two to really work them out and write them well.

Because we all know what kind of crap I write when I think about it for five minutes and grab the nearest graphic I can find.

You know, like this.

Tonight I looked over my whole day and couldn't find anything that interesting that would make a whole post.

There was mom's night out, which was fun, but not much of a story.

Brennan did pet the dog, today, while telling her how black and beautiful she was. Technically true, but sounded so strange coming out of his mouth. Still, glad he got the memo about black being beautiful. Just like all the colors of the rainbow.

I was also thinking about people's opinions and how I'm so over needing them as a parent. But I feel like I've written ad nauseum about how parents judge one another, and I'm kind of at the point of just feeling a bit done.

At least for tonight, I'm really over caring if other people approve of my parenting choices or methods. My little bundles of sunshine are not perfect. But neither is their mother. And they're good people, willing to make mistakes right, which is all I could ask for anyway.

So, tomorrow there will be stories, and lessons learned from watching my children shoot spitballs at the bathroom ceiling. Oh yeah, that happened. Why? Who knows.

But today I'm just going to leave you with a picture of a cat, which reminds me of having kids anyway.

Then I think I'll go pee alone. Just because I can.

*****
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Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Dear Kirk Cameron, Let's Talk About Halloween

This is not how we celebrate Samhain.
But Pagans have a sense of humor, and this is funny.
Dear Kirk Cameron,

First of all, I'd like to say that I have a deep respect for the Christian faith. I'm truly blessed to know so many who practice with a sense of humility, and a great deal of education, not only about what they believe, but about what others believe as well.

And they're smart enough to ask questions instead of representing a faith they know nothing about, like you have.

Clearly, I take issue with some things you've said. I'd like to say that I take issue with some things you've said  recently, but that wouldn't be true in the slightest.

I've not spoken out against some of what I consider to be your homophobic rhetoric, mostly because other people have done it so much better than I could ever hope to.

This time, though, you're touching on my faith, and I'd like to clear a few things up for you. Especially since Pagans already face a great deal of misinformation and stereotyping in this country. You think you're persecuted for being a Christian? Try being a Pagan in the Bible Belt. Seriously, you have no idea.

But I digress. You stated in this interview with the Christian Post:
"Early on, Christians would dress up in costumes as the devil, ghosts, goblins and witches precisely to make the point that those things were defeated and overthrown by the resurrected Jesus Christ,"..."The costumes poke fun at the fact that the devil and other evils were publicly humiliated by Christ at His resurrection. That's what the Scriptures say, that He publicly humiliated the devil when He triumphed over power and principality and put them under his feet. Over time you get some pagans who want to go this is our day, high holy day of Satanic church, that this is all about death, but Christians have always known since the first century that death was defeated, that the grave was overwhelmed, that ghosts, goblins, devils are foolish has-beens who used to be in power but not anymore. That's the perspective Christians should have."
So, let's get started, shall we?

Samhain (pronounced like sow-in or sow-een depending on the region) is the ancient Celtic holiday that many modern Pagans celebrate at Haloween. It is our New Year, and our final harvest festival. Traditionally it's thought to be the day when the veil between this world and the next was thinnest. People would have feasts to honor their dead loved ones, and would leave sacrifices to aid them on their journeys in the afterlife.

Some of us still do.

When Christians began converting the Celts, they looked for ways to incorporate their ancient festivals into more Christian ones.

And, to be honest, that doesn't bother me. Why wouldn't they? If they thought that the Celts were worshiping the wrong Gods, why wouldn't they just change the focus to the God they though was correct?

That some of the Christians told lies in order to covert people, does bother me. As does the vilification of the old faith to the point where people had to hide it for centuries, for fear of death. Even good Christians were murdered in the quest to rid the world of Paganism.

So really, way to go, right?

Now, to be fair, (because I can be, and because I can read, and have studied history) the idea of honoring the dead didn't begin and end in Britain. Every culture has some ritual or festival that does so, and the early church did too. It's just that when they were looking for ways to incorporate some of the Pagan traditions into the Church, they borrowed certain themes from Samhain, and created All Saints Day.

Seriously, Kirk, you don't really think that all your Christian holidays developed in a vacuum, completely devoid of any input from the cultures that it touched as it was spreading across the continents, did you?

That's just ignorant on your part.

But, hey,  if you want to wear costumes that poke fun of what you believe to be evil, and to show your faith that your God has triumphed over those things, more power to you. I take no issue with it whatsoever.

But when you start speaking for my faith, you sound like an uneducated blowhard.

There is no "High Holy Day of the Satanic Church" for Pagans. We don't believe in Satan, not like you do.

We see the Satan you fear, as a perversion of our Horned God. The God of the forests, and of the hunt. He brought fertility, and even sang the dead to the Summerlands.

We see how the Church twisted our God of the Wilderness into something scary, to be feared, so that people would turn away from their Ancient traditions, and follow Christianity.

And, just so you know, Pagans and Satanists are two totally different things.

Let me explain something to you. For us, Samhain isn't "all about death". We see life as a Sacred Spiral of life, death, and rebirth. For us you can't have one without the other.

Our celebration isn't morose, it's hopeful.

We're happy to honor those who have gone before us. We're grateful for the seeds that will come back to life when winter turns to spring. We're grateful for our harvest that will feed us through the winter, and for the earth's rest. Because truly, all living things need a rest.

We acknowledge and respect the dark part of the cycle, as it will bring us back to the light.

Mr. Cameron, I will respect your right to speak about your faith, about what you believe, and about how you feel your faith should understand it's holidays.

But I'd like you to do me the favor of not speaking for my faith, or attempting to represent what we believe (especially when it's clear that you have no idea what you're talking about).

Oh, and lastly, this Witch hasn't been defeated or overthrown by anyone. But feel free to look me up if you'd like to have a try.

*****
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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The Marriage Balance

I keep hearing this phrase "Happy wife, happy life".

It's kind of pissing me off.

While, granted, I do love being a happy wife, I'm only half of this marriage.

What about a happy husband? Or is the idea that he's only allowed to be happy if I am. Because that's just crap.

I'll tell you what I think the secret is to my not-perfect-but-very-happy marriage.

Want to hear?

It's balance.
Balance in responsibility. Balance in time with each other and time with the family. Balance in work vs. home. But also balance with both of our wants and needs. We both deserve to be happy here.

We couldn't go through all of these years trying to make ourselves happy. If we did we'd be missing out on so much.

Marriage requires a certain level of vulnerability. I think that it's by being vulnerable and seeing the other person care for you, and respect that vulnerability, that so much of the trust is developed in the relationship.

At the same time, if he or I spent all of our time trying to make the other one happy at our own expense, that would create a ton of resentment. And that's not good for anyone.

So, Dominic and I try to make each other happy. Both of us.

And sometimes what we want is not what the other one wants. So, things have to be categorized in terms of how important that thing is to each of us, and for our lives. Generally, we go with the person who feels more strongly about it.

But each of us can stop worrying about keeping ourselves happy, because we know that the other is trying to take care of that. Knowing that he will always be trying to make me happy and make my life better, frees me from having to do that myself, and lets me focus on making him happy and his life better.

Mutual selflessness has been a must for us. And sometimes I still get annoyed when I'm picking his socks up from his side of the bed, or I'm asking him again to do whatever thing I want him to do that he's forgotten about. And I annoy him too, though I can't figure out why, as I'm clearly amazing. (Totally joking, in case you're not familiar with my humor here)

But I never have to worry that he's going to put his own wants above my happiness or the good of our marriage.

There can be balance. It can happen. It helps when your husband is awesome and loves the crap out of you. I think I"m pretty lucky with this one. I'm thinking I'll keep him. You know, until he gives out, and then I'm marrying for money.

*****
Again, just joking. Now, I know I'm not the marriage guru, but it's worked for us so far. And if you like my blog, please click the link below which registers a vote for me, would you? Thanks. You're the best!
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