In Autism circles, you'll sometimes hear people talk about "meltdowns". Meltdowns aren't like regular tantrums. They sweep a child away in a way that a tantrum does not. Tantruming kids want attention and will look to see if they're getting it. They tend to not hurt themselves, and the tantrum can be stopped if the parents give in.
Meltdowns are totally out of the child's control. They happen and the child doesn't care if anyone is looking, if they get what they want, or anything else. Sometimes something has set them off, like a tantrum. But sometimes they're just really overstimulated.
I know so many Spectrum moms who've felt judged when their child has had one of these meltdowns in public. It's why I tell people not to assume that a screaming child is being naughty. There may be things going on that you don't know about. And I can't tell you how many moms have been hurt by people questioning their parenting when the truth is that they're doing the best they can with a special needs child.
So, I told you last week about Ciaran's big breakthrough. He wants things now, and he's making choices. With the advice of his speech therapist we've been offering him lots of choices to encourage those verbal skills he's picked up. And, truly, he's still picking up more words. It's totally amazing.
Of course, it seems that with every breakthrough, there ends up being some downside. And this time I think Ciaran is really getting the idea that there's so much he still can't communicate. And it is seriously ticking this child off. He had no less than 10 tantrums before lunch today. Now, he didn't have meltdowns (thank goodness) but a frustrated tantrum in a 40 lb. 3 year old with limited verbal skills is still a sight to behold. If you're lucky, you'll find earplugs.
With Ciaran, I see tantrums (as well as meltdowns) as something to help him through. He doesn't have the words or the social skills necessary to stop himself. So, it's up to me. It's not like he knows better and isn't doing it. He honestly doens't know what to do to communicate his frustration. Right now I spend a lot of time holding him tight and verbalizing for him. "You're really angry/frustrated/sad/etc." so that he can start putting feelings with words.
I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but it's what feels right to me. And I tend to think my mommy intuition is pretty good where this kind of thing is concerned. Of course it's only fair to admit that sometimes, I wish I could throw myself on the floor right next to him and scream, too. I'm only human and I get frustrated. But, we'll get through this as we get through all things. Through Him who strengthens us.
Meltdowns are totally out of the child's control. They happen and the child doesn't care if anyone is looking, if they get what they want, or anything else. Sometimes something has set them off, like a tantrum. But sometimes they're just really overstimulated.
I know so many Spectrum moms who've felt judged when their child has had one of these meltdowns in public. It's why I tell people not to assume that a screaming child is being naughty. There may be things going on that you don't know about. And I can't tell you how many moms have been hurt by people questioning their parenting when the truth is that they're doing the best they can with a special needs child.
So, I told you last week about Ciaran's big breakthrough. He wants things now, and he's making choices. With the advice of his speech therapist we've been offering him lots of choices to encourage those verbal skills he's picked up. And, truly, he's still picking up more words. It's totally amazing.
Of course, it seems that with every breakthrough, there ends up being some downside. And this time I think Ciaran is really getting the idea that there's so much he still can't communicate. And it is seriously ticking this child off. He had no less than 10 tantrums before lunch today. Now, he didn't have meltdowns (thank goodness) but a frustrated tantrum in a 40 lb. 3 year old with limited verbal skills is still a sight to behold. If you're lucky, you'll find earplugs.
With Ciaran, I see tantrums (as well as meltdowns) as something to help him through. He doesn't have the words or the social skills necessary to stop himself. So, it's up to me. It's not like he knows better and isn't doing it. He honestly doens't know what to do to communicate his frustration. Right now I spend a lot of time holding him tight and verbalizing for him. "You're really angry/frustrated/sad/etc." so that he can start putting feelings with words.
I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but it's what feels right to me. And I tend to think my mommy intuition is pretty good where this kind of thing is concerned. Of course it's only fair to admit that sometimes, I wish I could throw myself on the floor right next to him and scream, too. I'm only human and I get frustrated. But, we'll get through this as we get through all things. Through Him who strengthens us.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Phillipians 4:13
Phillipians 4:13
