Liam Liam Liam

I am not comfortable. I walk and I contract. Some days I seem to have misplaced my sense of humor. And, let me tell you, I'm not nearly as much fun without it. I'm hungry, I'm cranky, and I stepped on the scale this week. Big mistake. Huge.

So, you know, pretty normal pregnancy for me.

Emotionally...well, I still seem to be inwardly freaking out on a regular basis somewhat out of sorts.  I've been thinking a lot about the c-section.  I'm coming to terms with it, I think.  For me that means accepting that, yes, this does mean that not everything is ok.  But, at the same time, that they know what's going on and can plan for it means that I can be hopeful that it all will be ok.

Reading the stories of those who've made it through and are doing fantastic is really helpful.  But I know that there are no guarantees.  Just because their baby did terrific doesn't mean mine will.  I think my challenge is finding the balance between optimism and being realistic and pragmatic.  I'm an optimist by nature.  But I'm also superstitious.  I have to remind myself that nothing I do will change this.  So, I feed the fear monster just enough to make him leave me alone most of the time.

As I get closer to the end (I'm 28 weeks now, and have a ways to go, but my last came at 34 weeks and that's only 6 weeks from now!) it's getting more...real.  I'm starting to think about what I can expect when he gets here.  I'll admit it, I'm am kinda scared about it.  A hospital I'm not familiar with, surgery.  Even what his 'cele will look like.  I've looked at Dr. Google, but the images can be terrifying!  Still, I'm trying not to feed the fear too much.  What good would it do, even if I did?  He's my baby, and I think some of these may just melt away as soon as he gets here.

I have a doctor's appointment this week, and hopefully we'll get positive news, or at least an update that things have remained stable.