We were up and at 'em again today. I took Jennifer to the mall of America. Sterotypes would lead one to believe that telling my California girlfriends that I live right by the biggest mall in the country would have convinced at least one of them to come and visit me before now! But I'm so grateful that she came, and we had a good time at the mall. We went all over the place, and she still didn't see everything.
I really thought I was doing well, but I was uncomfortable with the crowds, and I'm still having a hard time seeing pregnant women. I should still be pregnant. I should still be looking forward to meeting Sarah for the first time. Instead, every pregnant woman reminds me that we've said goodbye already. And while I'm not sorry for Sarah, since I know she will never feel the pain of her condition, I'm sorry for me. I miss her so much. New babies hold a bit of pain for me as well. I wonder if I'll ever look at families the same way again. Why is it so easy for some, and not for others?
We were at the mall most of the day. And after dinner and putting the kids to bed, we watched C-Span (gotta find out what's happening with Terri!) and taught Jennifer how to play Texas Hold 'Em. A girl's gotta know how to play poker, right?
Unfortunately, I have to put her back on a plane tomorrow. But I'm so glad she came. And she got me out of the house, showing off Minnesota. I'd love to show her this state in the Summer. It's really beautiful here. Most of all I love having someone to drink tea and watch "A Room With a View" with me. Jennifer has always been a kindred spirit. I think we saw "Sense and Sensibility" three times in three days when it came out. Who else would do that with me? Who else would watch "Anne of Green Gables" with me, or "Twin Peaks"? Who else could contemplate the complicated storylines of "General Hospital" with such insight and humor? Who else could commiserate over my complicated feelings, and faith? Even after all these years of friendship, we can still sit down with a cuppa and lose all track of time. Now that we have both lost babies to horrible conditions over which we had no control, I think we understand a new part of each other. A facet of each other's personality that neither of us had explored before. We are part of the sisterhood of mothers, and part of the sisterhood of loss. I am grateful that I have her to walk this path with me, and grateful for such an amazing woman for a friend.
