It's Ostara! And That Means What, Exactly?

Ostara blessings, everyone!

Now, if you're not Pagan, you might be asking yourself, God Lord, what weird thing is she celebrating this week, and why should I care?

Well, I will explain Ostara, but really, who needs a reason to celebrate? There's always a reason for a party. And Ostara is totally a party.

I'll bet someone at some point in your day mentioned that today was the start of Spring. In fact, it's the equinox.

The equinox, in case someone hasn't heard of that, is when day and night are equal in length. It happens twice a year, and this is one of those days.

Since Paganism sees Deity in the cycles of creation, it only makes sense that our holidays often fall on times of the year that are naturally significant. Like today.

If you come from a Christian background, Ostara is sort of our Easter. In the Church people celebrate the resurrection of Christ and how his death and resurrection bring new and everlasting life to the world,

At Ostara we celebrate the resurrection of nature. She wakes from her winter sleep and brings new life to the world as it has always been.

Of course, this is Minnesota, where getting the Earth to wake up for Spring, feels a lot like this:



Anywho, in our mythos, we learn that the Great God has become a young man, and marries the Maiden Goddess, who immediately conceives (those crazy kids!). And her fertility is shown in the fertility of the land.

New flowers bloom. New animals are born.


It's a lot of work for the animals, it seems.

Anyway, for us, nature is a reflection of the divine story.

So what do we do for Ostara?

Well, I largely suck as ritual and party planner. Like, so much it's not even funny. But as a family we're going to do things that people do for Easter, like decorate eggs. And buy chocolate.

Nothing says it's Spring like chocolate eggs full of fondant. I only recently learned how those things came to be:

I was both disturbed, and not surprised.

In the evening we have time in the Sacred Circle, where we will tell stories, sing songs, and eat.

Pagans really like to eat, maybe more than they like drums and circles. And that's a lot.

Since this is a time of rebirth and growth, I will ask the kids what they would like to start over on, and work harder at. And I will ask myself, as well.

Maybe this year I'll garden!

Okay, geez, maybe not. There goes this year's dream of being the kind of witch people understand.  Oh well. Happy Ostara anyway!
*****
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What Witches Do: Prayer

My friend Jennifer posted on my Ask Me Anything post about how I practice my faith.

See, Jennifer is an Orthodox Christian. Her faith influences almost every aspect of her life. From what she eats, to how she prays, her faith is a living part of her day. So, it makes sense to me that she would wonder, knowing me as she does (we've been friends for decades), how my faith affects how I live.

But I decided that instead of answering with just one post, I'd make it a series. What Witches Do. Clever, right?

Just keep in mind that how I do it, may not be how someone else does it. I don't speak for all Witches. No one does. And don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise.

So, do Witches pray? Well, I do. A lot of us do. It's a sanity tool. And I need all the sanity tools I can get.

Some of my prayer is conversation with the Gods, calling on certain Deities the way a Catholic might call upon different saints. I do this often, when I need to talk through something. When I need to hear it out loud. Or when I'm not sure about what the outcome should be. I'm well aware that I don't always know what the right thing to do is. I trust that the Gods do, however, and I put it in their hands.

Some of my prayer is meditative. For example, this is a Witches Ladder:

Photo and product from The Magikal Store

This isn't exactly what mine looks like, but you can see, it's a little like a Rosary. I pick a mantra or prayer and face each of the four directions, repeating it. It centers and soothes me, and prepares me for the day. 

These can also be used for spellwork and about a hundred other things. But I use mine for prayer and meditation. I can explain in another post how I might make a Witches Ladder during spellwork. But that's for another day.

I actually pray often. When my friends request it, when I need to hold on to patience, when there's a situation that is uncertain, when I need comfort, and when I just plain feel like it. The thing is, I can't tell you if it actually changes things, or if it just changes me. This is faith, not science, and I'm careful not to confuse the two. In the end, it doesn't matter to me if "prayer works", because it works for me, and that's all it really needs to do. Sometimes in this world, we are so powerless, and the ability to pray is the ability to do something. And we need that. 

But I do pray. Witches pray. The Craft is a practice, to be sure, but more than that, it is a faith. For me it is a faith in a Divine Presence that flows through all of us, and through the planet and all living things. And prayer reminds me of that connection, and brings me a great deal of peace. Which, clearly I need.

*****
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Esbat Musings on Motherhood & Witchcraft

My mother told me a story once. Her baby sister was a small baby, a little sickly, and not growing very well.  My grandmother was worried, and told her mother about it.

My great-grandmother told her that they needed to take my Aunt's "measure".

My mother doesn't remember much of the story after that, only that her sister did indeed start to grow. "But Mom," I said, "you know that was witchcraft, right?"

My mother was shocked and rather dismissive of the idea. But taking one's measure is pretty common in modern witchcraft, and is a very old custom.

You measure certain parts of the body, which then become a physical representation of that person. My guess would be that my great-grandmother would have taken my aunt's measure and then buried it at the new moon, so that as the moon grew, so would the baby.

And, you know, that's witchcraft.

Now, she probably would have said some prayers to Jesus, because they were Christian. And she may have been completely unaware of it's old Pagan roots, being passed down as just a folk remedy.

But it's still witchcraft. And I can't help but wonder if my great-grandmother was secretly a witch. I doubt it, as family stories are interesting, but rarely that interesting.

But still, I wonder.

I mean, clearly people had kept these traditions. Why not?

Think about it. When your kids are sick, do you sit back and hope they're cured? Well, not most of us. We want things we can do. We find the right medicines. We cook. We take them to the doctor if we need to. But whatever we do, we do something.

Really, what is harder to do than nothing? So people kept their old ways, slapping a new God on the front of them. Because, whether it worked or not, it made them feel like they were doing something. Like they had some power. And for women who have been raised for centuries with very little power, I don't think the value of that can be underestimated.

Personally, I'm not just a believer in my faith. I'm a doer. My tools are simple, because the power to do the work I do, doesn't lie in my tools. It lies in me, in my intention. In my own innate power to affect change in the universe, and within myself.

Mothers (and fathers, too) are magical in ways we don't even realise. From defeating monsters beneath the bed, to curing a hurt with the power of a kiss, we have the incredible power of changing an entire life, with our love.

So, get out there, and know that you are every bit as special as the little people you care for. And hey, if your little one is a slow grower, maybe you just need to take their measure, and bury it beneath the new moon, offering up prayers to whatever Gods and Goddesses you follow. It can't hurt.

Blessed Be! And enjoy the Full Moon...

*****
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Coming To (A Pagan) Faith

Beth of Manic Mumbling said:

"I always love stories of how you celebrate your faith. It seems awfully personal to ask you about how you came to it, but ... you opened this up!"

She's right! I did. And I am fine talking about my faith and how I got here. It's a little meandering, and I'm sure I'll miss pieces. But, this is a basic rough idea.

People have always been faithful. Whether throwing gifts into water in the hope of an answered prayer, lighting incense to carry their petitions to the Gods, or building cathedrals as monuments of an awesome and all powerful deity. We have, collectively, always believed in something bigger than ourselves.

I'm no different.

I was raised Episcopalian, but had a hard time connecting on a deep spiritual level. Which, to be fair, is not the fault of the church.

I was young. And I had always seen it as a show. Something you rehearsed for and put on. My dad was the choir director, after all. I can see why it was hard for me to understand the meaning behind the show, and how it was used to create a spiritual experience.

So I left, in my teens,to search for something that I felt like I could connect to. A dear friend was a practicing Pagan, and she introduced me to what she believed in. I started reading, and teaching myself.

Part of what drew me was the idea of personal power. I had experienced some trauma early on in my life, and had always felt like what happened to me, was up to other people. The ability to be in charge of my own spirituality, was empowering.

Of course, I think part of what drew me to Paganism, was also that it was just so different. And it felt a little rebellious, too.

But really, that's not a good basis for any faith choice.

Eventually I got over the need to rebel. And I went back to the Christian faith.

I tried.

I tried so hard.

I tried to be enough. I tried to do enough. I thought if I could just pray hard enough, do the right things, be devout enough, read enough scripture, I would feel connected and...good enough.

But it never came.

I also started to have issues with ideas and people within the church, and I ultimately lost my faith.

I just plain didn't believe.  

Yet, I still felt like there was a divine force in the universe. I believed in that. I just started to believe that it was bigger. More inclusive than exclusive. A force so great that all people had tried to connect to it in one way or another, and maybe none of them were wrong.

Maybe being right, wasn't the point at all. Maybe the religion wasn't the point, but was instead a set of tools to connect us to that force.

I started reading again. And was drawn back to the Pagan path. What I practice, acknowledges balance, and the divine nature found in all living things. It focuses on respect, on harming no one, not even yourself. Which seems like a simple ethical principle, but is truly quite profound.

I love that that simple idea frees me from worrying about how anyone else lives their life. My job is not to judge, but to live my life to the best of my ability. I don't have to be right. I have to do right. It no longer matters so much, what I believe. Now what matters is how what I do, and how my beliefs influence my actions.

So, Paganism, for me, lets me see the Divine through the cycles of the earth. It provides me with a rich mythology, from which I can pull lessons that help me to live my life. And it helps me connect to something bigger than myself, in a way that works for me.

The Great Spirit, as I see it, is a multifaceted jewel. And the Gods, as we choose to believe in them, are facets of that jewel, giving us a glimpse of something so much greater.

And following this path, has allowed me to feed my soul in a way that feels natural for me. I am at last, a very happy Pagan Mama.

*****
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Dear Kirk Cameron, This Is Becoming A Thing...

Dear Kirk Cameron,

This is becoming a thing, isn't it? In some ways you are far and away more entertaining now than you were when I was a kid. Unfortunately, the joke now seems like it's at your expense, and that's just sad.

So, you're out promoting your movie again. Good for you! But maybe you should stop talking about things that you clearly know nothing about. Last time it was Samhain, and this time it's Yule.

So, once again, I feel like I need to correct you. Because honestly, someone should, and I think maybe you live in some kind of echo chamber, where all you hear are the crazy people who think you're brilliant.

So, you told the Christian Post:

"I'm a sucker for all of it, and of course the nativity, and there's a lot of people who really want to put a big wet blanket on the celebration,"..."It starts this time of year. You have people who want to pull down nativity scenes, you have lawsuits showing up in schools that can't have Christmas performances ... it has to be winter break or holiday break or sparkle season ... they want to take that out of Christmas so they don't offend people who hate Christmas. And then we have a new group who are telling us, convincingly, that Christmas is actually a celebration of paganism...we kinda drink the Kool-Aid and believe pagans when they tell us they have ownership of these things"
, 

Let me clear a few things up for you.

There is no effort to remove religious symbols from churches, homes, or private property. The only places that people have objected to having those things, are on public property like schools, and courthouses and such. And it's not because they hate Christmas, you one trick pony, but because it's exclusive to one faith.

We are not an exclusive nation. We are a nation that is made up of many religions, and the freedom to worship as we wish, or to not worship at all. A freedom, by the way which protects Christians as much as it protects the state. I mean, you wouldn't want to be told which denomination was the right one, would you? Hell no!

Now, allow me let you in on a little secret: We don't hate Christmas. For most non-Christians, Christmas is our favorite of your holidays.

You focus on peace on earth and goodwill to men.

There are presents and joy.

It is truly the least objectionable of any holiday you celebrate. But that doesn't mean we like it shoved down our throats especially in places where religion shouldn't be an issue.

So yes, Holiday concerts and performances, and Winter Break. Because that is respectful of the faith of all of the students, and not just some.

But hey now, because I know you want to, let's get to my favorite part of your quote, the part about Pagans.

I'm sure this will come as no surprise to you, but your whole premise is wrong. Pagans don't "own" any of your traditions, and we aren't out to take them from you.

Now, I'll try to explain this to you as simply as I can:

We believe you are celebrating whatever it is you think you're celebrating. To Pagans, intent is everything. We do not believe that you can be secretly worshiping other Gods, if your intent is to worship and honor your own.

Also, in the world, there are a limited number of symbols. So, many cultures and faiths will use the same symbol to mean different things.

We also live in a world, where we can all see the same cycles in nature. So, there will be things that are similar across different faith traditions, and it doesn't mean anything other than we all have eyes.

So, when the Solstice occurs, and the days start to get longer, we Pagans acknowledge the wonder of that. In my tradition we believe The Goddess gives birth to her son, and with him, light returns to the world. We see the lengthening days as evidence of that, and are grateful.

Which sounds pretty gosh darned similar to your tradition where God's Son is born, bringing light to the darkness. The fact that the church decided to celebrate at the Winter Solstice isn't an accident. And I don't think it's because they were trying to "steal" the Pagan holiday (although that probably made it more inviting to the Pagans they were trying to convert) but because the lengthening days became an easily understood symbol for the theological point being made.

But let's not re-write History, Mr. Cameron. The Church has repurposed many traditions, first because they thought it was a great symbol of something they were teaching, and second because it made it more familiar to people converting.

That doesn't mean that your symbols or celebrations are any less valid. So, I applaud you for standing up for the continuation of those traditions. You should celebrate your holiday without fears that you'll somehow end up Pagan.

But where you lose me entirely, and actually start to piss me off, is when you misrepresent Paganism in order to make your point. You could actually leave us out altogether.

We don't need to own anything. All most of us have ever wanted, was to live in a world where mutual respect of our faith traditions, was a thing. A simple thing that you can't seem to do, and feels especially rich when you are, at the same time, complaining about people being disrespectful of your faith.

Have your Christmas, Mr. Cameron, and keep Christ in it. It really doesn't bother me. But couldn't you, even if you don't agree, respect that I have just as much right to keep the Yule in Yuletide?

And for the love of all things bedecked in holly, stop thinking that other people trying to have their faith acknowledged or respected, or just wanting to be left alone, means that somehow we're trying to suck all the joy from your holiday. Your holiday is everywhere. Seriously. Get over yourself.

Signed,

Me

P.S. Here's a quick read about some of the Pagan traditions that we see repurposed in Christmas. Which, again, doesn't mean we own them, but is just History. Don't be scared.

*****
Doesn't it feel too early to be talking about Yule, Christmas, or any other Winder Holiday? Well, it really is. But since you've already read it, and happen to be awesome, maybe you could click the link, which registers a vote for me? Seriously, you guys are the best. ❤

Dear Kirk Cameron, Let's Talk About Halloween

This is not how we celebrate Samhain.
But Pagans have a sense of humor, and this is funny.

Dear Kirk Cameron,

First of all, I'd like to say that I have a deep respect for the Christian faith. I'm truly blessed to know so many who practice with a sense of humility, and a great deal of education, not only about what they believe, but about what others believe as well.

And they're smart enough to ask questions instead of representing a faith they know nothing about, like you have.

Clearly, I take issue with some things you've said. I'd like to say that I take issue with some things you've said  recently, but that wouldn't be true in the slightest.

I've not spoken out against some of what I consider to be your homophobic rhetoric, mostly because other people have done it so much better than I could ever hope to.

This time, though, you're touching on my faith, and I'd like to clear a few things up for you. Especially since Pagans already face a great deal of misinformation and stereotyping in this country. You think you're persecuted for being a Christian? Try being a Pagan in the Bible Belt. Seriously, you have no idea.

But I digress. You stated in this interview with the Christian Post:

"Early on, Christians would dress up in costumes as the devil, ghosts, goblins and witches precisely to make the point that those things were defeated and overthrown by the resurrected Jesus Christ,"..."The costumes poke fun at the fact that the devil and other evils were publicly humiliated by Christ at His resurrection. That's what the Scriptures say, that He publicly humiliated the devil when He triumphed over power and principality and put them under his feet. Over time you get some pagans who want to go this is our day, high holy day of Satanic church, that this is all about death, but Christians have always known since the first century that death was defeated, that the grave was overwhelmed, that ghosts, goblins, devils are foolish has-beens who used to be in power but not anymore. That's the perspective Christians should have."

So, let's get started, shall we?

Samhain (pronounced like sow-in or sow-een depending on the region) is the ancient Celtic holiday that many modern Pagans celebrate at Haloween. It is our New Year, and our final harvest festival. Traditionally it's thought to be the day when the veil between this world and the next was thinnest. People would have feasts to honor their dead loved ones, and would leave sacrifices to aid them on their journeys in the afterlife.

Some of us still do.

When Christians began converting the Celts, they looked for ways to incorporate their ancient festivals into more Christian ones.

And, to be honest, that doesn't bother me. Why wouldn't they? If they thought that the Celts were worshiping the wrong Gods, why wouldn't they just change the focus to the God they though was correct?

That some of the Christians told lies in order to covert people, does bother me. As does the vilification of the old faith to the point where people had to hide it for centuries, for fear of death. Even good Christians were murdered in the quest to rid the world of Paganism.

So really, way to go, right?

Now, to be fair, (because I can be, and because I can read, and have studied history) the idea of honoring the dead didn't begin and end in Britain. Every culture has some ritual or festival that does so, and the early church did too. It's just that when they were looking for ways to incorporate some of the Pagan traditions into the Church, they borrowed certain themes from Samhain, and created All Saints Day.

Seriously, Kirk, you don't really think that all your Christian holidays developed in a vacuum, completely devoid of any input from the cultures that it touched as it was spreading across the continents, did you?

That's just ignorant on your part.

But, hey,  if you want to wear costumes that poke fun of what you believe to be evil, and to show your faith that your God has triumphed over those things, more power to you. I take no issue with it whatsoever.

But when you start speaking for my faith, you sound like an uneducated blowhard.

There is no "High Holy Day of the Satanic Church" for Pagans. We don't believe in Satan, not like you do.

We see the Satan you fear, as a perversion of our Horned God. The God of the forests, and of the hunt. He brought fertility, and even sang the dead to the Summerlands.

We see how the Church twisted our God of the Wilderness into something scary, to be feared, so that people would turn away from their Ancient traditions, and follow Christianity.

And, just so you know, Pagans and Satanists are two totally different things.

Let me explain something to you. For us, Samhain isn't "all about death". We see life as a Sacred Spiral of life, death, and rebirth. For us you can't have one without the other.

Our celebration isn't morose, it's hopeful.

We're happy to honor those who have gone before us. We're grateful for the seeds that will come back to life when winter turns to spring. We're grateful for our harvest that will feed us through the winter, and for the earth's rest. Because truly, all living things need a rest.

We acknowledge and respect the dark part of the cycle, as it will bring us back to the light.

Mr. Cameron, I will respect your right to speak about your faith, about what you believe, and about how you feel your faith should understand it's holidays.

But I'd like you to do me the favor of not speaking for my faith, or attempting to represent what we believe (especially when it's clear that you have no idea what you're talking about).

Oh, and lastly, this Witch hasn't been defeated or overthrown by anyone. But feel free to look me up if you'd like to have a try.

*****
Happy Halloween, or Samhain Blessings to you.  If you like my blog, please click the link below which registers a vote for me, would you? Thanks. You're the best!

Is It Because I'm Not A Christian?

I met a woman a while back. And, not that she's ever been anything but polite to me, but I've noticed that she's not particularly warm.

There could be so very many reasons for this. Maybe she thinks I'm loud. Maybe she thinks I'm obnoxious.

Maybe she's wildly threatened by my stunning good looks and witty banter.

Okay, so it's definitely not that last one.

But she doesn't talk to me. Not like she does other people in our shared circle.

I could ask her about it, and I've been tempted to.

While I'm not confrontational by nature, I tend to be someone who would much rather know what's on the table, than not.

But I'm probably not going to. Mostly because I doubt she'd be honest about it. This is Minnesota, where polite will win out over almost anything else. Sometimes really polite people have no idea how to say, "No, it's true, I just don't like you. And it's because..."

Just to be clear, it's not that I've spent an inordinate amount of time wondering about what this woman is thinking of me, but it comes up every now and then, and today I realized something.

I saw on social media that she was listening to Needtobreathe, a Christian band. They actually sing a song I really like called "Washed by the Water". Yes, I still like my old Christian Rock and listen to it from time to time.

Anywho, I realized that she goes to a pretty conservative, fundamentalist church, and it occurred to me that while I don't walk around in a tall pointy hat carrying a wand, I don't exactly hide being Pagan under a bushel, either. I might have a Pagan Pride sticker on the back of my van, for example. And maybe one with a few pentacles.

It's totally subtle...sort of.

And I am proud.

I'm proud of my peaceful earth religion that recognizes the divine in everyone, and seeks to respect the earth and the creatures that live together on it.

But maybe she has no idea what I believe in. Maybe she thinks I'm a devil worshiper. Maybe, even if she doesn't think that, she thinks that whatever it is that I believe, is a kind of spiritual warfare for her, and that she'd best keep her distance.

Maybe she thinks I'm dealing with dark forces. And, you know, I was going to, but then I had to run to a parent-teacher conference, and send out some e-mails, and walk the dog. So, you know. Maybe tomorrow.

In other words, maybe she doesn't like me, because I'm a Pagan.

I could be 100%, totally wrong. But it feels right. I feel like I finally stumbled on to something. And I get that, for some people, if you're not for Jesus, you're against him. And the thing is, I'm a big fan of Jesus. Sadly, that's just not good enough for some.

But what are you gonna do, you know? I've always hoped that I could sort of be an ambassador for my faith in my community. I'm just a mom, like any other mom, trying to raise her kids as best she can, and be true to herself.

I'm on the PTO, and getting involved in local politics.

I care about our community.

On my holidays, I don't go to a big building with loads of other people. It's often just our family, in a circle, with simple music, simple food, and simple ritual.

Honestly, if the real issue with me is my faith, all I can do is what I've been doing. So, I will keep treating her the way I would want to be treated, with warmth and kindness. And maybe someday she'll ask me about it. And maybe I'll have the chance to explain. Not to change her mind, but just to foster some mutual respect.

I'm a big believer in that too.

*****
You know who else I have a deep respect for? People who read my blog. You guys are seriously some of the best people around. Thank you for all of your encouragement. And if you like my blog, please, click the link below which registers a vote for me, would you? Thanks.

It's Mabon!

Photo Credit PaganPages.org 

It's Mabon, everyone!

Maybe I should explain what Mabon is, just in case anyone is unfamiliar with it.

Mabon is one of the three harvest festivals in the Pagan Wheel of the Year. It is the autumn equinox, where night and day are again equal. Once again, there is perfect balance.

Our last festival, Lughnasadh, was the grain harvest festival. In contrast, Mabon is the celebration of the fruit harvest, and a day of thanksgiving.

There are many ways to celebrate. There are things to make, and things to cook, and meals to be enjoyed with family and friends. And of course, a ritual of Thanksgiving, to the Gods for what we have.

I love to plan for the Holidays. That said, I think the Gods have an odd sense of humor, because my plans almost never work out. Once again, life has completely gotten in the way. The kids have been sick, I've been sick, now Dominic is sick, and I'm really so tired I could cry. So we are doing a big fat nothing to celebrate this evening.

So, when actual life gets in the way of ideal life, we improvise. My big focus for any day like this, is to stop and reflect. How do we see the earth changing, and the cycles of life turning again? What are we thankful for? How can we take our gratitude and turn it into something useful?

These kinds of thing need no special ceremony, no fancy decorations, no long dinners. These things simply need thought and care.

Tonight, I'm so thankful for a new job that will help support our family. I'm thankful for my husband's job that has been so good to us. I am grateful for a house full of (relatively) healthy children who will be tucked into soft warm beds, tonight. I plan to take my gratitude for my gifts, and pay it forward in service and volunteer work.

So whether your celebration is fancy, or humble, or even if you don't celebrate Mabon at all, I wish you Brightest Mabon Blessings, health, and happiness.

Blessed Be!

A couple of Mabon resources:
Pooka Pages Mabon Issue
Children's Story for Mabon

And don't forget to check out The Sunday Stew, the "free, e-publication delivered every Sunday as a loving gift to the Pagan community" every Sunday! They actually let me write for it!

*****
I am especially thankful for each of you who take the time to check in here and read my blog.  If you like it, please click the link below which registers a vote for me, would you? Thanks. You're the best!

A Pagan Controversy

When I was a Christian, I wrote often about how my faith influenced my daily life. I look back and think I often went overboard. I wanted so much to show that I was a good Christian, and I never ever felt good enough.

When I finally left the faith, and then stepped back onto the Pagan Path, I didn't want to go overboard again. I didn't want to make it all about my faith all the time. I didn't want to drive anyone away, or be overbearing. And in many ways, this path is far more personal.

I may need to write about it more.

I am aware that while some of my readers are Pagan, many are not. For them, this blog may be the only thing they know about Paganism. I feel a very strong responsibility to represent what I believe in a way that casts a positive light. After all, it's a minority faith, and often misunderstood, if not distrusted.

But of course, Paganism, like any other faith, has a variety of beliefs held by different people. And some people will represent it well, while others represent it poorly. We're not free from people or stories that embarrass us, shame us, or cause controversy.

This past week, a prominent Pagan "outed" a number of other practitioners. Many of us still live in communities, or have personal situations, that make it unsafe for us to be open about the faith we practice. I find the practice of "doxing" or outing people, to be incredibly disrespectful of the autonomy of others. And it violates what I believe is our most important ethical rule, "If it Harms none, Do what Thou Will".

This set off some kind of internet flame war, and when one woman complained to the man who had doxed her, that it put her in danger from her stalker, he replied with something so wildly inappropriate and disgusting, that I won't repeat it here.

There are many in our community who support him. Who know him. Who believe that the apology he issued is sincere, and that forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts we can provide to each other. There are others who would like his head on a stick. I have seen people defend him, and be attacked for things as petty as their name. I have seen his comments dismissed as just being from someone who was young.

I'm not going to tell anyone how to feel about the things said. I'm not going to tell anyone which side to take. I'm not going to say who is a "real" Pagan and who isn't. It's just not my place to decide whose faith is valid and whose is not.

What I will say is that I'm saddened by the tone that the discussion has taken. Clearly there are things we still need to address within our faith community. Clearly some people don't understand the importance of pseudonyms, or that an offhand comment about rape is not a small thing. And we clearly need to remember that we're being watched by people looking to understand us. I don't think this is the way we want to be seen.

The basic premise of everything I believe, is that divinity isn't something outside of ourselves, but something that flows through both the natural world, and all of the living creatures within it. I believe that the Great Divine flows through the gentleman who made the offensive comments, and the woman who was the target of his vitriol.

When we harm one another, we harm that Divinity that connects us. We hurt ourselves. And we hurt the image of our faith community at a time when we are doing so much to educate people who don't understand us.

Wherever you fall on this particular issue, and make no mistake, I have a side here, I would urge you to combine your anger with compassion and love for others, even the ones with whom you disagree. Which isn't to say that we shouldn't stand up for what we believe in, because I absolutely believe that we should. But I also believe that we should do so in a way that respects others, because I believe that's who we are.

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I hope that I will always be respectful of those who read here, whether they agree with me or not. And let's face it, I can be a giant pain in the ass, sometimes. I'm aware.

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A New Moon On Monday

Tonight is the New Moon.

As a Pagan Mom, I have stuff to do. And not just laundry, although there is plenty of that, too.

A lot of people think of dancing by the light of the full moon, when they think of Pagan Magic. And not that there isn't any of that, but that's not all we do. And what you may not know is that different cycles of the moon are better for different kinds of magic. 

The way I see it, magic is just like concentrated prayer. You have intentions, and you do some kind of work to send those intentions out into the universe. It's just that, instead of believing that God hears us and answers, I believe that the Gods are always listening, and would like us to help ourselves. And I think I can do that.

The New Moon is the time for growth magic. When I want something to increase, I'll perform that spell at the New Moon, so that it will grow as the Moon waxes. At the full moon, I'll do magic for things I want to decrease, so that they can grow smaller as the Moon wanes.

Is this complete bollocks?

Not any more so than any other religious belief. Even if, in the end, all my magic really is, is me setting my mind on something, and affecting the change through tiny decisions that are different because I have set my will to it, that's okay. It works for me. I feel connected to the Divine that I believe flows through everything, and it makes me happy. It also makes me feel like I'm doing something. And when things feel hopeless and hard, it's nice to not feel completely impotent.

So, tonight I'll be doing a little magic for increase in resources to meet our family's needs. I will also be doing a little magic to increase the patience we have for our kids, as we hit the end of the Summer and everything is insane around here.

Seriously, I think the dog can tell that our household is going through some kind of transition. She's been jumpier and bitier (I know that's not a word), and all around pain-in-the-assier for the last few days. I just keep chanting "Puppyhood can't last forever. Puppyhood can't last forever" and I may just have to do that until puppyhood actually is over, and I no longer want to throttle her. Of course, like the kids, when I'm really mad she does something insanely cute and then I waffle between wanting to still be mad at her and wanting to scratch her belly.

Another thing about my spell for "resources". The thing is, I don't do spells for money. Some people do, and I have no judgement. For me, I just think what you need can come in many forms, not just money. I'd rather do a spell with a specific need in mind, and let the Universe answer in whatever way it can.

I know it's hokey and simplistic, but I believe in Magic. I believe that it lives in us, and that we have a say in it. I believe that we don't know our own power, because we ignore it. We have the power to make a difference in our own lives, even if all you're doing right now, is lighting a candle, and setting an intention.

Blessed Be.

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Family Lughnasadh, On Vacation

This year, Lughnasadh finds our family, on vacation.  I had such plans.  Really I did.  It's fun to celebrate Lughnasadh with kids.  I was going to pick up corn husks from the local Mexican Market, and some twine and yarn, and we were going to make corn husk dollies, and corn wheels.  I was going to bring things from our alter, so that we have a really nice celebration, even away from home.

But this is me.  Naturally, I forgot to do any of those things.

Maybe I should explain, because some people might not know what Lughnasadh is.  Pronounced Loo-nah-sah, it's the first of three harvest festivals celebrated as the Wheel of the Year turns.  The Irish myth that the word comes from, tells how the God Lugh held a festival in honor of his mother who died of exhaustion, preparing the land to be farmed.  What a good son, right?  For centuries the festival has marked the first harvest of the season.  The weather is warm, the earth is providing good food, and people are happy. Of course, over the centuries, any celebration will change some. You can read more about how we celebrate it now, here.

Anyhow, as I said, I had plans of bringing things with us to make corn wheels and corn husk dollies and then having a small circle to celebrate.  Maybe with some fresh baked bread.  But as I tried to remember to bring everyone underwear, (which I did by the way, SCORE!) I forgot to acquire or bring anything we would need for a celebration here. Fail.

The great thing about an Earth-based religion, of course, is that we don't really need any of those things. They're tools, not necessities.  All we need is ourselves and the land.  Later today we will go outside (remembering bug spray this time) hold hands, and thank the Gods for the many gifts we've been given.

There's another theme in Lughnasadh, besides bounty: Sacrifice.  I mean, the festival originally commemorated the great sacrifice that Lugh's mother Ethniu made clearing the land for the people to grow food.  One of the things that I think is important for Lughnasadh, is asking my children to think about what sacrifices they can make.  I like them to think in terms of service.  What can they do for others?  How can they be helpful?  What can they do to protect the Earth we live on? I want my kids to start looking at the world and find ways to make it better.  I mean, that's a good plan for everyone, whatever their faith, right?

For us, it is our last day here in this incredibly lovely part of Minnesota, in a house we have loved.  We feel very grateful.  That we get to celebrate Lughnasadh here, is a fantastic bonus.

If you'd like to know more, or are looking for some resources, here are a few things to check out.  Please let me know if you think there is something I should add.  And I'd love to hear how you and your family are celebrating, if you celebrate.

Lughnasadh Links:
Make corn husk dollies
Make corn wheels
Children's story for Lughnasadh
Pooka Pages Magazine for kids: Lughnasadh issue


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Ordinary Pagan Mom?

Courtesy of Magical Graphics

Finding a new blog theme was hard.  Like I explained yesterday, it was pull my hair out, cry, and yell at inanimate objects hard.  But it made me think about what I want my blog to be about, and what I want it to mean.

I started this blog as a homeschooling mom.  It's complete focus was on our schooling and what we were doing.  I wanted people to see how much was involved in homeschooling.  We were doing so much!

Then the blog morphed.  It became a mommy blog, and specifically one with a Christian focus, as I was quite devoted to my faith.

I have tried to explain to people why I chose to leave the faith.  I wish I could point to one thing, like what happened when Sarah died, but really Sarah's death started me down a path I didn't even see at the time.  There were so many things, and so many reasons.  But make no mistake, it was a choice.  I found myself becoming more angry, resentful, and bitter.  I wanted to love the faith, and I had to leave before I stopped.  I see Christianity as a path I neededto walk. I had to explore it.  I had to learn things about myself that I would not have learned otherwise.  When I left, I was unsure of where I would end up.  I read a lot, and found myself drawn to Paganism, but not for the same reasons as I had when I was younger.  I wasn't choosing Paganism to rebel, but because I wanted a faith that I felt honored the Divine that moved through all living things, that allowed me a path to participate without the need for anything or anyone else, and provided me with the freedom to express my faith as best as I understood it and without having to judge the rightness of what anyone else believed. (How's that for a run-on sentence?)

I have fought with myself over how the blog should progress from there, and subsequently, I've found myself writing less, as I'm not sure of my own direction.  Do I this to be a Mom Blog?  Maybe, but I want to acknowledge that I'm more than that.  Do I want this to be a Special Needs Mom blog?  Maybe, but I'm more than that, too.  And I'm of the opinion that my kids need me to be the person who helps teach them to navigate their world more easily.  Which is what my regular needs kids require as well.  Is it humor, drama, serious, deep?  I think it's all of those things.  It's life.

The biggest question was, did I want to sort of re-brand myself as a Pagan Mom Blog?  Well, first of all, there are others out there who are doing that far better than I could, and who are far more knowledgeable. They also tend to be geared toward other Pagans.  I hope other Pagans read me, but I hope non-Pagans do, too.  I have been concerned about talking about faith and religion too much.  First of all, I don't want to be overbearing.  I've seen it, I've done it, I never want to beat anyone over the head with my religion ever again.  Second of all, I didn't want to alienate anyone.

So, that second-of-all thing I wrote, is kind of a big deal for me.  I've been sitting with it a while, and it's only finally working itself through to some conclusion.  And here's what I've finally decided: I hope that anyone who has questions about what I believe, would ask me.  I'd even be happy to do a post answering questions about what I believe.  I'd like people to get to understand that Pagans are everywhere, and we volunteer for the PTO, we're your nurses, mechanics, teachers, therapists, and more.  I want people to see that we're not to be feared, and we're not a bunch of crazy weirdos.  At the same time, it's not my job to make everyone comfortable all the time.  Some people won't like it, some people won't like me, and that's okay.  I can live with it.

After all that, I still am not entirely sure where this blog is going.  I'm just hoping you'll come along for the ride.  Again, feel free to ask me anything.  I'm largely an open book.  I'm also playing with my tagline.  Tagline writing is hard.

Mabon Blessings

Here's wishing a Blessed Mabon to everyone.  If you know what that means, have a glass of mead for me.  If you don't, I'll give you a quick explanation.

In many Pagan traditions, we follow The Wheel of the Year.  It consists of 8 major holidays.  Mabon is the second of three Harvest Festivals and  The Autumn Equinox.

The days and nights are the same length, but we're fast heading toward Winter.  This is a time to give thanks for what we have and acknowledge the turning of the seasons.  This is one more phase of the unending cycle of life, death and rebirth.

For a Holiday like this I usually print out the new Pooka Pages magazine for my girls.  The Mabon edition can be found here. And then we have a small gathering with our family.  We light candles, thank the Gods, eat some food, and enjoy.  Personally, I feel like the Sabats are a really good time for us to discuss how what we see reflected in the world around us, applies to us.  So, for Mabon, what is changing for us?  How can we find balance?  What parts of ourselves would we like to work on?  And we ask the Gods to help us do that.  Some people call it prayer.  We call it Magic.  But it's still the same thing.

I'm really looking for help finding a balance, this year.  I don't want to be obnoxious about my faith, and so I usually err on the side of not talking about it.  I don't want to make people uncomfortable, I don't want to be pushy about religion (been there, done that).  Of course, if people never meet an actual Pagan, how will they know we're just people in the community, looking to make their faith work in the world?

If Piper and Bridget could find a balance between loving and hating each other, that would be good, too.

Mabon Blessings to Everyone

Just Your Typical Mom

I had this moment last week, where I realized that media is having a larger influence over my kids concept of the word "witch" than I would like.  I had to step up my explanation of things to my five year old.  It was a little frustrating, but a great opportunity to teach him some things.

Some ideas are embraced by the Pagan community, even though they are not at all the reality of the faith.  I can't be the only one who makes it a habit to watch Practical Magic on Halloween.  But, really, the idea of a witch on a broomstick, riding across the sky, isn't really what Paganism is about.

So much of our modern concept of a witch, is based on ideas spread by those who wanted to stamp out Paganism.  They aligned  witches with the Devil, and turned the Wise Women, and those who followed the Old Paths and Traditions, into evil people who needed to be destroyed for the good of all the God-Fearing citizens.

In fairness, the ideas that I run across these days aren't that I'm flying on a broomstick or have magical powers.  What I come across now is mostly skepticism.  As if I think I have magical powers and want to ride around on a broomsick.  That just isn't what my faith is about.  I believe in a Divinity that is reflected in every faith on earth.  And, as different as people are, so are our spiritual needs.  Personally, I connect better to the Divine through a dual understanding of that force as both male and female.  The God and the Goddess.  And since I see that force woven through the fabric of the earth, it's creatures, and the cycles of the seasons, it makes sense to me to worship through those things.  I do so out in nature, as the seasons change, and as the cycles of the earth continue.

People's ideas of what it means to be Pagan, I've found a little odd, sometimes.  For example, when my kids get sick, I don't heal them with magic rocks.  I utilize herbs and natural remedies when possible, for small things, but I'm a nurse.  I take my kids to the doctor when we need medical intervention.

I don't think I can tell the future.  I do think there are people who can connect to things I can't see.  I'm, sadly, not one of them.  But I do think there are tools, like tarot cards, that can give us a greater insight into ourselves and our own circumstances.  I think it has to do with the subconscious and symbolism.  I do think a healthy dose of skepticism protects us from being taken advantage of by con artists and liars.  I let faith replace reason, once upon a time.  I'm not about to do it again.

I dress pretty normally.  I'm on the PTO.  I read books with my kids and play games and do things that other parents do.  People wouldn't normally realize I was Pagan at all, until they saw me drive away with the big Pagan Pride bumper sticker on the back of the van.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't hide my faith.  Equally, I don't shove it in people's faces.  That I am a Pagan, comes out in other ways.

I believe that we are interconnected through a Divinity that runs through all living things, and the earth.  But more important than what I believe, is what I do with that belief.  My faith makes me more conscious that I'm not just a steward of what is around me, I am a part of it.  That world view, influences me on every level.  Still, I'm just your typical mom, dragging little ones to the bathroom and fighting to get shoes on them in the morning.  Maybe a little more singing when there's a full moon, but you know, we're all weird in our own ways.

What Is Wrong With People? Pagans & Copyright

It's a theme I've wanted to tackle for a while.  Maybe not Copyright, per se, but the whole idea of "What is wrong with people?" which is a question that I ask at least on a weekly basis.  This may have be a recurring theme.  Today, for the first time in months, the kids are in school except for the youngest two, who are both napping, and the quiet in my house makes me want to do a happy dance. Or, you know....blog.

So, now that the motivation to blog has hit, and I'm finding myself, yet again, asking the important question of "What is wrong with people?" I thought I'd address it.  Or at least the version of it that is on my mind today.

We all know that taking things that don't belong to us is wrong.  We don't wander through Target, putting things in our carts, and then walk out without paying for them.  Someone made that thing.  Someone deserves to be paid for their work.  It's not ours.

It's the same thing I explain to my kids when they have taken food from the pantry.  That food belongs to someone.  It is intended for someone.  And if you eat it, they can't.  The pantry is not self-filling.  I have to go out, and pay for that food.  I buy as much as we need to eat for the week.  And I can't make meals work, if I'm missing key ingredients.  It doesn't belong to them.  It's really simple.

Why should that be any different on the internet?  If I want to share something that someone else has written, I will quote it and provide a link to the primary source material.  I will give credit where credit is due.  This is common sense.  It hasn't always been easy to do with pictures.  But now, with Google image search, it should be much easier.  Still, I'm not here to judge honest mistakes which do get made from time to time.

But someone who creates nearly 100 blogs, and is blatantly ripping off other sites, passing their words and images off as his own?  That's not a learning curve issue or an honest mistake issue.  It's plagarism.

It does bother me, that two prominent Pagan bloggers were called out for this behavior, but what really got to me was their attitude about it.  If I do something wrong, I need to fix it.  I need to figure out where my error lies.  And if I've done something wrong unintentionally, I need to apologize for it.  What I read from one of the bloggers was that those who were trying to get her to stop plagarizing, were just "jealous bitches".  In fact, this kind of attitude seemed to be the way for both of them.  It was either "not a big deal" or really, the fault of other bloggers and writers who werecausing  trouble.  What kind of attitude is that?  I can think of no faith that would embrace that outlook.  But since Paganism is a faith that recognizes the divinity that moves through all of us, and connects us to the world around us, and each other, it should never be an us vs. them mentality.  We are all in this together.  I mean, seriously, "jealous bitches"?  What is wrong with people?

I love to see my friends succeed.  Both in real life, and online with blogs and websites.  A win for them, is a win for me, too.  As we Pagans become more visible, we become better understood.  So, when people read our websites and blogs, I want them to see people who operate with integrity, humility, and a great reverence for one another as human beings.

Of course, there is always a price to be paid by those who step up and call for action when talking about it has been unsuccessful.  Kallan Kennedy of The Secret Life of the American Working Witch has paid this time.  She has become the diversion.  The one to cast the blame on for insisting that something be done.  She calls herself a "nobody" in the blogging world.  But she is a must-read for me, and I'm proud of her for standing up for the writers who were being stolen from.  Give her a read.  She's totally worth it.  And she has a kick ass blog design.  Seriously, if I were to steal anything, it would totally be that.

Properly Pagan In Every Way

Kallan Kennedy of The Secret Life of the American Working Witch, wrote an interesting blog post about Celebrity Pagans.   She makes some really good points about who speaks for Us as a whole.

Anyone who has any experience with Paganism, knows that speaking for Paganism as a whole is a remarkably difficult thing to do.  There are so many paths, so many ways to practice, so many different beliefs.  Me, I'm sort of a Unitarian Universalist of a Pagan, believing that everyone understands the Great Truths and experiences Divinity in a way that works for them, and all paths are equally valid.

I don't want being a Pagan to be everything about me.  I want people to see me as a mom, who has the same concerns and joys that they do.  I want them to see me as a member of the community, helping out at the school, grocery shopping, and taking my kids to the park.  I want to be Pagan enough that people feel a little more comfortable with the idea because they know me.  Not that I'm recruiting or anything.  I just find that so many people know so little about Paganism, that to them we're a bunch of tie-dye wearing, tree hugging weirdos hanging out in the forest.

We only do that on very special occasions, by the way.

That's a joke.  I promise.  I don't actually own any tie-dye, and the one tie-dye tee-shirt my husband owned was ruthlessly destroyed lost by some sad tragedy to the gods of the laundry.

So, I want to be relatable to people.  But sometimes I think that ends up being me not really talking about what I believe at all.  Which is so easy.  My faith now is more personal and private.  It's something that is special to me, but not something I feel the need to shove in everyone's face.

What I'm looking for, is a balance.  I'm happy.  I'm not searching aimlessly anymore for something that was within me and all around me all the time.  I feel connected to the forces of the Universe.  And I want people not to be afraid of their local tree-hugging hippie Pagans.  Because, sure, there are some...interesting practitioners out there.  But they don't represent the whole movement anymore than the crazy people of any religion represent the whole.

Matters Of Faith

It's been quite a ride for me over the last few years. In matters of faith, I faltered, struggled, questioned, and ultimately took the rather scary step of placing my feet on a different path.  This was scary because I knew that some people would not understand it at all.  I definitely had some fear of losing friends over it.  I know I've lost readers.  But then, I've gained some, too.  And I couldn't let that fear get in the way of taking that step.  Faith has always been personal and important to me.  So, I had to go where I felt led.

So a while back, I got an email from someone who was grateful for my Pearl Posts.  For those not familiar with them, I've written a number of posts about my experience with the Pearl's parenting advice, and the many things I believe are wrong with it.  This reader expressed some concerns about the graphics on my site, saying,

are you aware that there are right now two occultic graphics on your blog? One clearly states the first rule of satanism, "an it harm none, do what thou wilt"......and the other one has a pantagram with the greeting "blessed be" which is a wiccan greeting. as you call yourself a christian I would think this would be of great concern to you.

I thought about this email for a long time.  And, finally, I wrote her the following response:

Dear S., Thank you for the concern. If you read the top of my blog, it mentions that I'm a witchy mama. And in the about me section it points out that I'm a Christian turned Pagan. Just an FYI, the "harm none" rule is actually the first rule of Wicca, not Satanism. In fact, modern Satanism sets up man as his own God and believes in doing good only to those whom you think deserve it. Wicca believes in the principle of never doing harm. Not to others, and not to oneself. In fact Pagans should strive to do good in all things and all ways. It is a peaceful earth based religion with no place for Satan. We don't believe in Satan. 

I understand that you may believe differently about my faith. I respect that and wish you well on your journey. I don't see my change of faith as a rejection of God or even Jesus. For me, it is an expansion to seeing God reflected in the world around me. To seeing God as bigger than the box I believed Christianity put around Him/Her. It focuses more on experiencing God and doing good than on being right. I can usually be sure I'm doing good, or at least not doing harm. I can never be sure if I am right. 

Peace to you, and I'm glad you liked my articles, if not my faith, 

Now, I will give you that I'm not always good with my words, and perhaps I was unclear in a few areas.  Still, I was surprised at what she got out of what I wrote, and what her response ultimately was.

1 John 2:19 says: "They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us."
You say you were a christian but left because you wanted to not put God in the box we christians put him in. On the contrary, as a christian we believe God is omnipotent, omnipresent, hears all things, knows all things, sees all things, created all things, and is in all things.

I understand what Christians believe.  My experience was that, in practice, He was often put in a box.  One in which He was so much less understanding of human nature than even we humans are.  I was not comfortable with that.  And it's not something all Christians do.  But I'd seen it enough that I was becoming jaded and angry.  I didn't want to feel that way about a faith that I truly cared about.  It was better for me to leave and still have love and respect for it, and for Jesus.

You say you wanted to do good. Are you saying then, that being a christian forbid you that opportunity, if you were indeed a christian, which I doubt. See the verse above.

I do want to do good.  And, no, I am not saying that being a Christian denied me or forbid me that opportunity. What I found instead was that I was never Christian enough for some.  And I spent so much time trying to defend my understanding of my faith to other Christians, that I had become focused on being Right, as opposed to doing good.

I think you must not have actually read the bible, as God over and over admonishes us to do good, to everyone and everything, even THOSE WHO HATE US.

I think she should probably stop making assumptions about me with so little knowledge.  I have indeed read the bible, many times. And while I understand the Christian imperative, I had become so invested in being right about matters of faith, that I believe I was losing focus.

that is not wicca, or paganism, or whatever you say you are...instead, it is the essence of christianity, to do good.

Sorry, but she is wrong.  Pretty much every major religion has good deeds as a big part of it.  I will never understand the Christians who think their religion has a monopoly on doing good in the world.   She then spent quite a bit of time quoting scripture at me.  To what end, I couldn't tell you.

Dear Anne, I donot want to argue..be right or diss your beliefs..

I'm not feeling that, but I'll take her word for it.

but I am a bible believing christian, and as such, knowing what the bible says, I know you were never really a believer, or you would not have left...

Ok, now I'll admit, I'm a little annoyed.  I'm pretty sure I didn't spend years of my life offering my time, my obedience, and my faith to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

as the very first verse above states...God does not lie. He says those of you who leave the fold were never really of us....that is why you left..so it could be revealed you were really not a christian.The good news is, since you were never really a believer in Christ, well, maybe you never made him Lord of your life, that you can still be saved.

Oh, Hey!  Hear that, everyone?  I can still be saved!  I can spend many more years of my life believing, worshiping  studying,  only to never be assured of my salvation!  You see, I know my faith was genuine. And if that wasn't enough, then I could never be assured that anything was.  

IF indeed, like you claim, you were once a christian, and left..than the news is not so good. Hebrews 6:4-5 4 For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost,5 And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come,6 If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.

Oh, well then, that's bad for me I guess.  I've put Jesus to open shame and I suppose will be cast into the darkness?  Into the Pit?  Let me make this really clear.  The God I believe in, The Great Creator spirit that I worship, that I see manifest in all faiths and deities, is big enough to understand that I have struggled in my faith.  He/She/It is Great enough to understand that what I seek to do is experience a connection to It.  And if your God would cast me into an eternal pit, and have so little understanding for that struggle, than why would I want to follow Him?

There are many ppl who do good, evil ppl do good, so do good people and not so good ppl. Everyone loves somebody, the question at hand is really, WHO DO YOU SERVE, Jesus or Satan? There are only those two choice....jsut because you donot believe in satan, doesnt make him any less real...you can read his very prolific history here, and his origin, and even his end! Luke 10:18, Isaiah 14:12, Rev. 12:9, Matthew 4:10 Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'" or even his plan for YOU 8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

I'm going to skip the convoluted reasoning in using scriptures as proof for scripture. Instead I will say, I don't believe that.  I don't believe that someone like Ghandi was serving Satan simply because he wasn't serving God as you understand Him.  It seems unlikely that someone would do so much good in the world...for Satan.  I reject the idea of Satan completely.  Frankly, I think we do enough evil ourselves.  

She goes on to implore me to turn away from my evil path, and return to the One True God.  She's quite sincere in her pleas, and I don't want to make light of that.  But I would like to point out that telling a virtual stranger that she hasn't read the bible, wasn't really a believer, and then to lecture her for quite a long time, might not be the best way to evangelize.  I'm pretty sure the Bible says that without love, one is just a clanging symbol (one of my favorite scriptures, actually) and for me, that's what her email became. Just a resounding noise.

In the end, what I believe is less the point for me.  My faith structure as it's set up, is a means to an end.  And that end is communion with Deity.  I do that through many means, and that connection fills me with a desire to go into the world and do good. Care for people, care for the Earth, be connected to other living beings.  This is my truth.

If believing in God and Jesus does that for you, provides you with that connection and that impetus to do good in the world, then I support you in it!  Ask my Christian friends if I tear down their faith or discourage them from practicing it.  They will tell you I don't.  In fact, quite the opposite is true.  I wonder how, if I truly serve Satan, I could encourage my friends in their Christian faith.  One would think that would be very counterproductive for the Dark One.

 

Time To Breathe

People ask me how, with seven kids, I manage to stay sane.  To be honest, I'm not always sure I do.  My life is busy and sometimes chaotic.  Okay, maybe more than sometimes.

Anyone who's read this blog for any length of time knows that my spirituality is important to me.  It's a road that has wound and changed for me over the years, but it's still a huge part of my life and how I live every day.

Over the last year I've been trying to get my body healthy.  Yeah, I want to look better and feel better, but I also want this body to carry me through a whole lifetime, and it won't do that if I don't nurture it.  And I have to not only nurture the physical, but the spiritual as well.  I've found an odd way to do both.  I'm running.

For me, it's weird.  I'm not athletic, I never have been.  My Middle School P.E. teacher would get so mad at me for refusing to run.  She would be so shocked now.  I run on purpose.    I not only started, but finished a couch to 5K program.  Then, it turned out that I liked it so much I've kept going.  I'm up to about 4 miles now.  I'm not fast, and I'm probably not pretty, but I'm doing it and it feels fantastic.

The running, of course benefits my health, but it turns out that it benefits my spirit, too.  It's my time.  I'm alone, listening to music, and spending time with my thoughts.  I'm tuned in to how the earth is changing, the heat from the Summer changing to the golden falling leaves of Autumn.  Running gives me time to breathe.  It's my time.  Hopefully, doing this gives me what I need to be more focused at home, too.  When we take care of ourselves, we can take better care of our kids and our families.  At least that's what I'm hoping for.

 

Why A New Religion?

I have thought a lot about whether or not to discuss my change in religion on my blog.  At the time I made the change it felt very personal, and knowing the internet as I do, I just wasn't sure I wanted to open myself up to the possible attack.  But it's been a while now, and I've had people ask.  Especially since I've always incorporated my faith into my blogging.  So, here's my best attempt to explain what changed and why.

Maybe some of you don't know that I first came to Paganism in High School.  I had been victimized as a child, and Wicca seemed a path that offered both personal power and freedom.  I was also very frustrated with mainstream Christianity.  I grew up as a choir director's daughter.  Church at that time felt like a show.  It was produced.  And it was always full of drama.  Usually behind the scenes.  Churches are full of gossip.  My front row seat as a witness to what people could do to each other, people who went to church every Sunday, soured me a bit.  And Wicca at that time was as much a slap in the face to what I had been raised with as it was a genuine religious change.

A few years later, I came back to Christianity.  I felt lost and broken, and Jesus promised to be my healer and my guide.  This time I was going to do it right.  I was going to devote myself to being a good Christian.  The kind who was righteous.  I don't know what I thought would happen if I got it right, but I knew I didn't want to get it wrong.

When Sarah died and I dealt with that internet shit storm on top of my grief, it was the first big huge crack.  If I could not accept that I had to be actively dying to end my pregnancy, what else couldn't I accept?  Well, that answer turned out to be really simple.  I couldn't accept that my Gay and Lesbian friends aren't entitled to the same rights I am.  I couldn't accept that they were "intrinsically disordered".  I struggled with how to be true to a faith that taught me such a thing.

I continued to argue theology and scripture with people on the 'net.  Some of these people opposed women going to college, driving cars, using any form of birth control, or even ending an ectopic pregnancy (one of the leading causes death among pregnant women in the first trimester).  I was fighting with people of my own faith, about things that were serious and important.  And they often didn't even see me as a sister in the faith.  I felt like I was falling down a rabbit hole, and it was all about being right.  One day I'd stand before God, and if I hadn't been right, I wasn't going to heaven.  But I couldn't be right about everything.  I just couldn't.

I realized that I was drifting farther and farther from the faith.  I took a break and began to study.  I read a lot.  Buddhism, Ancient Christian texts, Pagan authors, Twilight (What? I can't read serious books all the time!).  I remembered what it was like to experience faith and the Divine, and to have that experience be what matters, as opposed to what is right.

Faith is supposed to make us better people.  But Christianity had been making me judgmental and small.  Which, I should point out says more about me than the faith.  For many people, Christianity is a beautiful thing, and they become transformed by it.  For me, it simply wasn't working.

I rediscovered Wicca.  No longer feeling the need to stick it to Christianity, I could embrace this faith as a true adult.  I could experience the connection with the Divine forces of the Universe.  I could see it reflected in nature, in the people around me, and in my children.  I could embrace the people I loved as true equals.  I believe that this faith makes me a better person.  I still worry from time to time about what people with think of this decision.  But ultimately I have to do what I think is best for me and for my family. Embracing Paganism has brought a peace to my family that was simply not there before.

For more about what Wicca is, here is a very basic description.  I'm an eclectic Pagan, but Wicca is sort of my jumping off point as to what feels comfortable for me.  I prefer using the term Pagan because it is sort of a larger umbrella which encompasses more of the community.  As always, please, feel free to ask me questions if you have any.

Another Mommy Blog

There are a million mommy blogs out there. Mine is not unique.  There are plenty of blogs that cover parenting from the perspective of a Pagan, or having a big family, or dealing with Autism and special needs.  I don't know that there are too many that do all of those things at once, but hey, I always did love being a little bit different.  An old friend of mine liked to say that I marched to the beat of my own drummer.  She was very...tactful.

Sometimes I think about all of the things that I want to write about, and realize there are already ten people who've tackled the subject, and probably done it far more justice than I would.  After a while I started wondering why I have a blog at all.  Is my voice so important to add to the cacophony of the internet?

To be honest, it's not.  But I still want to be here.  I want to write about what interests me, what's happening with my family, and my adventures in Motherhood.  Because I know that someone will get it.

Someone will understand the frustrations of watching children struggle with things that should be easier, or hoping that you're handling the little crises of childhood in a way that will encourage them to have a strong sense  of self as they get older.  Someone will get how crazy it is to realize that you're getting older when it feels like you were just in High School a few years ago.  And someone will see that there is magic in the mundane.  As for me, I have an outlet for my family stories, personal thoughts, and changing mind.  Sometimes it feels like the kids and I are growing up together.  Maybe, in a way, we are.