Esbat Musings on Motherhood & Witchcraft

My mother told me a story once. Her baby sister was a small baby, a little sickly, and not growing very well.  My grandmother was worried, and told her mother about it.

My great-grandmother told her that they needed to take my Aunt's "measure".

My mother doesn't remember much of the story after that, only that her sister did indeed start to grow. "But Mom," I said, "you know that was witchcraft, right?"

My mother was shocked and rather dismissive of the idea. But taking one's measure is pretty common in modern witchcraft, and is a very old custom.

You measure certain parts of the body, which then become a physical representation of that person. My guess would be that my great-grandmother would have taken my aunt's measure and then buried it at the new moon, so that as the moon grew, so would the baby.

And, you know, that's witchcraft.

Now, she probably would have said some prayers to Jesus, because they were Christian. And she may have been completely unaware of it's old Pagan roots, being passed down as just a folk remedy.

But it's still witchcraft. And I can't help but wonder if my great-grandmother was secretly a witch. I doubt it, as family stories are interesting, but rarely that interesting.

But still, I wonder.

I mean, clearly people had kept these traditions. Why not?

Think about it. When your kids are sick, do you sit back and hope they're cured? Well, not most of us. We want things we can do. We find the right medicines. We cook. We take them to the doctor if we need to. But whatever we do, we do something.

Really, what is harder to do than nothing? So people kept their old ways, slapping a new God on the front of them. Because, whether it worked or not, it made them feel like they were doing something. Like they had some power. And for women who have been raised for centuries with very little power, I don't think the value of that can be underestimated.

Personally, I'm not just a believer in my faith. I'm a doer. My tools are simple, because the power to do the work I do, doesn't lie in my tools. It lies in me, in my intention. In my own innate power to affect change in the universe, and within myself.

Mothers (and fathers, too) are magical in ways we don't even realise. From defeating monsters beneath the bed, to curing a hurt with the power of a kiss, we have the incredible power of changing an entire life, with our love.

So, get out there, and know that you are every bit as special as the little people you care for. And hey, if your little one is a slow grower, maybe you just need to take their measure, and bury it beneath the new moon, offering up prayers to whatever Gods and Goddesses you follow. It can't hurt.

Blessed Be! And enjoy the Full Moon...

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10 Laws of Parenthood

I was sitting here writing a perfectly nice blog post about teamwork, or something like that, when I got a text from Karina (22) telling me that the upstairs bathroom sink was clogged.

I have now spent the past 40 minutes trying to determine the source of the clog and fix it.

Now, first off I noticed that the bathroom sink is missing the stopper because Ciaran (8) loves to run off with it.

Why? Well, I've stopped trying too hard to know the unknowable. We'll just call it one of the Great Mysteries. We have a lot of those around here.

I plunged, I snaked, and while I found both a screw and a lollipop stick (remember what I said about the unknowable), I found nothing else, and didn't fix the painfully slow drain.

So, just to try one more thing, I took the j-bend off, just to make damn sure there was nothing in it. And while I had it off, I snaked into the wall.

Still, nothing helped. What I need now is my drain cleaner, but I don't have any, so I'll have to hit up Home Depot in the morning. Maybe I can find a new drain stopper while I'm at it.

Anyhow, I got to thinking how this never happens at ten o'clock in the morning when hardware stores are open and we can do things. Nope. It only happens at ten o'clock at night.

It made me think of some of the other Laws of Parenthood. This is what I came up with off the top of my head.

1. Your child is guaranteed to poop if you have forgotten diapers, wipes, or God forbid, a change of clothes. 

2. If you've just gotten through a perfect change, with the diaper that you remembered, or the last of the wipes, then they will poop again, almost immediately.

3. Vomit happens most often in the middle of the night. Double likelihood if you really needed the sleep for something. By morning, you are guaranteed to feel like this:

4. They will only want the toy you don't have with you.

5. Plumbing emergencies are far more likely late at night, especially if you're already fried and ready to take someone out.

6. They can always find dirt. Especially if you're wearing white.

7. If you are not eagle-eyed with crack nightvision, plan to step on a lot of legos. Bonus points if you're carrying a baby, or a hot cup of coffee. Seriously, I think lego walking could be classified as a form of torture.

8. They will not hear you if you ask them to turn down the TV or to stop hitting their sister. Curse just the one time, however, and you will never stop hearing it. 

9. Whatever you made last night for dinner (especially if they didn't eat it) is now their favorite meal and they can't possibly be expected to eat whatever you've made tonight.

10. At the end of the day, you will love them despite it all. And when they sleep, you'll be overcome by the willingness to do it again tomorrow. Even if, just moments before, you were thinking that some animals eat their young. 

And now I'm going to go give each of my babies one more kiss before I fall into a coma-like sleep.

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I'm Not That Kind Of Witch

I took a break from my all day data-entry session, to give three of my little boys a haircut. 

Brennan (5) climbs up to sit in the chair, and as I wrap the cape around him, he starts into his conversation.

Because Brennan always has a conversation. You just have to hope you can find your way in it.

"Mommy," he says, "I'm afraid of Halloween. It's a very scary day."

"Oh, Sweetie!" I respond, giving him a big excited smile, "You don't have to be afraid of Halloween! It's our biggest Holiday!

We call is Samhain, and it's the day we honor our loved ones who have gone to the other side. We celebrate the final harvest of the year, and we celebrate our new Year as the Wheel turns and the darker season begins."

Brennan looks up at me, suspiciously.

"How do you know that?"

"Well, that's easy.

It's because I'm a Witch."

"AH! A Witch?!? But witches are scary! You can't be a witch!" and at this point he looks thoroughly bewildered.

"Brennan, silly boy, I don't think you understand what real Witches are. Many of us who follow the Goddess and the God, we call ourselves Witches. Witches worship the Goddess and the God by following the cycles of the Earth, and taking care of our planet. Remember when we celebrated in the circle for Lughnasadh, and Mabon? That's what Witches do.

It's not scary. It's beautiful."

"That's what Witches do? Then, am I a witch too?"

"Well, Sweet Boy, that has to be your choice. But for now, you can keep celebrating with us, as a family, until you decide what path you will take, for yourself.

So, can I cut your hair now?"

And, with that, the conversation turned to silly things like, what do you call a cow and two rabbits? Jenga.

Total nonsense.

But honestly, how is it with the overt Paganism in our house, my child is still more influenced by what he's seen on TV of women in tall black hats, stirring their cauldrons, or dancing naked beneath the full moon.

I mean really, we only do that on special occasions.

As for me, I'm calling Pagan Mom Fail on that one. Time to ramp up our religious education, I think.

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I wonder what else our kids have completely wrong, thanks to pop culture? Honestly, I don't even own a pointy black hat. Maybe I should.

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It's Mabon!

Photo Credit PaganPages.org 

It's Mabon, everyone!

Maybe I should explain what Mabon is, just in case anyone is unfamiliar with it.

Mabon is one of the three harvest festivals in the Pagan Wheel of the Year. It is the autumn equinox, where night and day are again equal. Once again, there is perfect balance.

Our last festival, Lughnasadh, was the grain harvest festival. In contrast, Mabon is the celebration of the fruit harvest, and a day of thanksgiving.

There are many ways to celebrate. There are things to make, and things to cook, and meals to be enjoyed with family and friends. And of course, a ritual of Thanksgiving, to the Gods for what we have.

I love to plan for the Holidays. That said, I think the Gods have an odd sense of humor, because my plans almost never work out. Once again, life has completely gotten in the way. The kids have been sick, I've been sick, now Dominic is sick, and I'm really so tired I could cry. So we are doing a big fat nothing to celebrate this evening.

So, when actual life gets in the way of ideal life, we improvise. My big focus for any day like this, is to stop and reflect. How do we see the earth changing, and the cycles of life turning again? What are we thankful for? How can we take our gratitude and turn it into something useful?

These kinds of thing need no special ceremony, no fancy decorations, no long dinners. These things simply need thought and care.

Tonight, I'm so thankful for a new job that will help support our family. I'm thankful for my husband's job that has been so good to us. I am grateful for a house full of (relatively) healthy children who will be tucked into soft warm beds, tonight. I plan to take my gratitude for my gifts, and pay it forward in service and volunteer work.

So whether your celebration is fancy, or humble, or even if you don't celebrate Mabon at all, I wish you Brightest Mabon Blessings, health, and happiness.

Blessed Be!

A couple of Mabon resources:
Pooka Pages Mabon Issue
Children's Story for Mabon

And don't forget to check out The Sunday Stew, the "free, e-publication delivered every Sunday as a loving gift to the Pagan community" every Sunday! They actually let me write for it!

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Motherhood Can Be Lonely

Image from 3sidesofcrazy.com and what she's making looks delicious! 

I want to write about all the ways that motherhood can be lonely and isolating. But to tell you the truth, the list is long, and just plain boring. Who wants to hear all that?

I mean, we've all been there. When you're trying to figure out life with a newborn and you're exhausted all the time. So, you're not going out to concerts and shows, like you used to when you were carefree.

Or when your toddler really has to be asleep by 8 o'clock, or she hits her angry zone and is just impossible. So you're not going out for drinks with friends anymore, and you wonder if she might be 18 before you see adult type people again.

Or even better, when you have kids with special needs, and your friends don't understand anymore, or worse, don't want to. It's painful for them, and to be honest, sometimes it's painful for us too. Especially when your friends have kids the same age, and you can see all the things that your child could be/should be/would be doing, if it weren't for this issue. Then you feel like even your mom friends are a million miles away.

I'm kind of there again, right now. I feel like my house kind of falls apart if I'm not there and on top of things. And my friends all seem to be ridiculously busy. Jobs, kids' schools, extra-curricular activities, it's so hard to find time that we're available, and not stressed out.

So, here's what I've learned. Most of us are going to have times where we feel lonely. But we can't live in that place. It's sucks, and it won't help us be better at home.

We have to figure out what we want. What will help us? Need a regular chat with a friend? Ask them. Need to have coffee with someone? Ask them. Can't go out and need someone to come visit you? Ask them.

Because, it turns out, we have the right to ask for what we need, too.  Granted, your toddler may not understand if you stamp your foot and say, "But I want Starbucks without you!". But your girlfriends will. They'll understand completely. And I don't know about you, but I need my girlfriends.

So grab a glass of wine, or cucumber water (because it's amazing) and call your girlfriends. Mine recharge my batteries and remind me that I am more than just an arbiter of pint-sized squabbles, and the keeper of the pantry lock code. Which I am. I'm so much more. I'm also the folder of laundry, and fixer of broken things.

I'm amazing. And so are you!

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A New Moon On Monday

Tonight is the New Moon.

As a Pagan Mom, I have stuff to do. And not just laundry, although there is plenty of that, too.

A lot of people think of dancing by the light of the full moon, when they think of Pagan Magic. And not that there isn't any of that, but that's not all we do. And what you may not know is that different cycles of the moon are better for different kinds of magic. 

The way I see it, magic is just like concentrated prayer. You have intentions, and you do some kind of work to send those intentions out into the universe. It's just that, instead of believing that God hears us and answers, I believe that the Gods are always listening, and would like us to help ourselves. And I think I can do that.

The New Moon is the time for growth magic. When I want something to increase, I'll perform that spell at the New Moon, so that it will grow as the Moon waxes. At the full moon, I'll do magic for things I want to decrease, so that they can grow smaller as the Moon wanes.

Is this complete bollocks?

Not any more so than any other religious belief. Even if, in the end, all my magic really is, is me setting my mind on something, and affecting the change through tiny decisions that are different because I have set my will to it, that's okay. It works for me. I feel connected to the Divine that I believe flows through everything, and it makes me happy. It also makes me feel like I'm doing something. And when things feel hopeless and hard, it's nice to not feel completely impotent.

So, tonight I'll be doing a little magic for increase in resources to meet our family's needs. I will also be doing a little magic to increase the patience we have for our kids, as we hit the end of the Summer and everything is insane around here.

Seriously, I think the dog can tell that our household is going through some kind of transition. She's been jumpier and bitier (I know that's not a word), and all around pain-in-the-assier for the last few days. I just keep chanting "Puppyhood can't last forever. Puppyhood can't last forever" and I may just have to do that until puppyhood actually is over, and I no longer want to throttle her. Of course, like the kids, when I'm really mad she does something insanely cute and then I waffle between wanting to still be mad at her and wanting to scratch her belly.

Another thing about my spell for "resources". The thing is, I don't do spells for money. Some people do, and I have no judgement. For me, I just think what you need can come in many forms, not just money. I'd rather do a spell with a specific need in mind, and let the Universe answer in whatever way it can.

I know it's hokey and simplistic, but I believe in Magic. I believe that it lives in us, and that we have a say in it. I believe that we don't know our own power, because we ignore it. We have the power to make a difference in our own lives, even if all you're doing right now, is lighting a candle, and setting an intention.

Blessed Be.

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Family Lughnasadh, On Vacation

This year, Lughnasadh finds our family, on vacation.  I had such plans.  Really I did.  It's fun to celebrate Lughnasadh with kids.  I was going to pick up corn husks from the local Mexican Market, and some twine and yarn, and we were going to make corn husk dollies, and corn wheels.  I was going to bring things from our alter, so that we have a really nice celebration, even away from home.

But this is me.  Naturally, I forgot to do any of those things.

Maybe I should explain, because some people might not know what Lughnasadh is.  Pronounced Loo-nah-sah, it's the first of three harvest festivals celebrated as the Wheel of the Year turns.  The Irish myth that the word comes from, tells how the God Lugh held a festival in honor of his mother who died of exhaustion, preparing the land to be farmed.  What a good son, right?  For centuries the festival has marked the first harvest of the season.  The weather is warm, the earth is providing good food, and people are happy. Of course, over the centuries, any celebration will change some. You can read more about how we celebrate it now, here.

Anyhow, as I said, I had plans of bringing things with us to make corn wheels and corn husk dollies and then having a small circle to celebrate.  Maybe with some fresh baked bread.  But as I tried to remember to bring everyone underwear, (which I did by the way, SCORE!) I forgot to acquire or bring anything we would need for a celebration here. Fail.

The great thing about an Earth-based religion, of course, is that we don't really need any of those things. They're tools, not necessities.  All we need is ourselves and the land.  Later today we will go outside (remembering bug spray this time) hold hands, and thank the Gods for the many gifts we've been given.

There's another theme in Lughnasadh, besides bounty: Sacrifice.  I mean, the festival originally commemorated the great sacrifice that Lugh's mother Ethniu made clearing the land for the people to grow food.  One of the things that I think is important for Lughnasadh, is asking my children to think about what sacrifices they can make.  I like them to think in terms of service.  What can they do for others?  How can they be helpful?  What can they do to protect the Earth we live on? I want my kids to start looking at the world and find ways to make it better.  I mean, that's a good plan for everyone, whatever their faith, right?

For us, it is our last day here in this incredibly lovely part of Minnesota, in a house we have loved.  We feel very grateful.  That we get to celebrate Lughnasadh here, is a fantastic bonus.

If you'd like to know more, or are looking for some resources, here are a few things to check out.  Please let me know if you think there is something I should add.  And I'd love to hear how you and your family are celebrating, if you celebrate.

Lughnasadh Links:
Make corn husk dollies
Make corn wheels
Children's story for Lughnasadh
Pooka Pages Magazine for kids: Lughnasadh issue


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Mabon Blessings

Here's wishing a Blessed Mabon to everyone.  If you know what that means, have a glass of mead for me.  If you don't, I'll give you a quick explanation.

In many Pagan traditions, we follow The Wheel of the Year.  It consists of 8 major holidays.  Mabon is the second of three Harvest Festivals and  The Autumn Equinox.

The days and nights are the same length, but we're fast heading toward Winter.  This is a time to give thanks for what we have and acknowledge the turning of the seasons.  This is one more phase of the unending cycle of life, death and rebirth.

For a Holiday like this I usually print out the new Pooka Pages magazine for my girls.  The Mabon edition can be found here. And then we have a small gathering with our family.  We light candles, thank the Gods, eat some food, and enjoy.  Personally, I feel like the Sabats are a really good time for us to discuss how what we see reflected in the world around us, applies to us.  So, for Mabon, what is changing for us?  How can we find balance?  What parts of ourselves would we like to work on?  And we ask the Gods to help us do that.  Some people call it prayer.  We call it Magic.  But it's still the same thing.

I'm really looking for help finding a balance, this year.  I don't want to be obnoxious about my faith, and so I usually err on the side of not talking about it.  I don't want to make people uncomfortable, I don't want to be pushy about religion (been there, done that).  Of course, if people never meet an actual Pagan, how will they know we're just people in the community, looking to make their faith work in the world?

If Piper and Bridget could find a balance between loving and hating each other, that would be good, too.

Mabon Blessings to Everyone

Just Your Typical Mom

I had this moment last week, where I realized that media is having a larger influence over my kids concept of the word "witch" than I would like.  I had to step up my explanation of things to my five year old.  It was a little frustrating, but a great opportunity to teach him some things.

Some ideas are embraced by the Pagan community, even though they are not at all the reality of the faith.  I can't be the only one who makes it a habit to watch Practical Magic on Halloween.  But, really, the idea of a witch on a broomstick, riding across the sky, isn't really what Paganism is about.

So much of our modern concept of a witch, is based on ideas spread by those who wanted to stamp out Paganism.  They aligned  witches with the Devil, and turned the Wise Women, and those who followed the Old Paths and Traditions, into evil people who needed to be destroyed for the good of all the God-Fearing citizens.

In fairness, the ideas that I run across these days aren't that I'm flying on a broomstick or have magical powers.  What I come across now is mostly skepticism.  As if I think I have magical powers and want to ride around on a broomsick.  That just isn't what my faith is about.  I believe in a Divinity that is reflected in every faith on earth.  And, as different as people are, so are our spiritual needs.  Personally, I connect better to the Divine through a dual understanding of that force as both male and female.  The God and the Goddess.  And since I see that force woven through the fabric of the earth, it's creatures, and the cycles of the seasons, it makes sense to me to worship through those things.  I do so out in nature, as the seasons change, and as the cycles of the earth continue.

People's ideas of what it means to be Pagan, I've found a little odd, sometimes.  For example, when my kids get sick, I don't heal them with magic rocks.  I utilize herbs and natural remedies when possible, for small things, but I'm a nurse.  I take my kids to the doctor when we need medical intervention.

I don't think I can tell the future.  I do think there are people who can connect to things I can't see.  I'm, sadly, not one of them.  But I do think there are tools, like tarot cards, that can give us a greater insight into ourselves and our own circumstances.  I think it has to do with the subconscious and symbolism.  I do think a healthy dose of skepticism protects us from being taken advantage of by con artists and liars.  I let faith replace reason, once upon a time.  I'm not about to do it again.

I dress pretty normally.  I'm on the PTO.  I read books with my kids and play games and do things that other parents do.  People wouldn't normally realize I was Pagan at all, until they saw me drive away with the big Pagan Pride bumper sticker on the back of the van.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't hide my faith.  Equally, I don't shove it in people's faces.  That I am a Pagan, comes out in other ways.

I believe that we are interconnected through a Divinity that runs through all living things, and the earth.  But more important than what I believe, is what I do with that belief.  My faith makes me more conscious that I'm not just a steward of what is around me, I am a part of it.  That world view, influences me on every level.  Still, I'm just your typical mom, dragging little ones to the bathroom and fighting to get shoes on them in the morning.  Maybe a little more singing when there's a full moon, but you know, we're all weird in our own ways.

Normal Kids

I don't have normal kids.  Even if I didn't have some kids with special needs, I don't think my kids would ever be normal.  We're different, and that's okay.  I fought being different for the longest time.  Because, among kids, to be different makes you an object to be spurned and rejected.  Who wants that?  But eventually I learned to embrace what made me different.  And maybe I was never cool, or as cool as I wanted to be.  I'm still not.  But I am happy.  That makes up for a lot.

I don't worry so much for my kids who don't have special needs.  They will struggle, but they will find their way eventually.  And I hope they do so with a lot of help from me.  But what about Ciaran?  What about Liam?  I'm more worried about Ciaran at the moment, since the jury is still out on how severely impaired Liam will be thanks to that pesky encephalocele.  But here is my Ciaran, with all his pieces, growing normally, and yet, so different.  Will kids be able to look past his answering questions with lines from TV shows?  Will they understand when he doesn't get their jokes?  Will they be nice to him even though he is so different from them?

He's not a baby anymore.  And the kids who were playful and sweet a few years ago, won't stay that way forever.  I wonder what names they'll call him, and if it will hurt his feelings as much as it will mine?  I wonder, even as I work on how to encourage socially appropriate behavior, what the world will be like for Ciaran (and Liam too) as they grow older.  I wish I could protect my babies forever.  Sometimes I am both frustrated and sad that I can't.

Ask Muse Mama: Sharing the Faith With Kids

On Facebook I was asked how I involve my kids in our faith. Paganism is so free to be adjusted to one's own particular spiritual needs, I think it can be easy to see how to apply it to ourselves, but hard to see (at least initially) how to involve our children.  And, of course, there's the worry.  My mother recently made the comment regarding my Paganism, "Yes, but you have children."  Oh no!  Not the children!  They'll grow up to....respect the planet!  All kidding aside, my mother is wonderful, I just think it illustrates the problem that many of us have.  If our kids are involved and proud, they won't hide it.  And if you're in the broom closet, that can be a scary prospect.

If you are ready to make your faith a family affair, there are some really good books out there by Ashleen O'Gaea about raising children in the Wiccan tradition.  I have read them, and used a number of things from them.  It is very Wicca-centric, but I find a lot of things can be adjusted and changed for your own traditions.  I especially recommend her book Raising Witches for a breakdown on what kinds of things to teach at which ages.

There are also a number of great children's books and introductory books for kids, and I'll make a list of those at the end of the post.  I strongly recommend reading through the Amazon reviews before purchasing any book.  They're all personal opinions and may not mirror how you'd feel about the book, but they give you a pretty good understanding of what readers have liked, and what they wish had been different.  I've found it to be an excellent tool in helping me to decide which books would meet the needs of my family.

My children have different needs and vastly different ages.  My oldest son is now 14, and tends to worship at the altar of technology.  He has trouble wrapping his mind around how there could be any God at all.  So, he and I had a talk.  I believe that one's faith should help them grow and better people.  If, by believing there is no God, he is motivated to make today count and be better, than I can and will respect his opinion.  I only ask that he be respectful of the faith of other members of the family.  And he is.

My daughters are 9 and 8, and they are starting to really come into the faith as more active participants.  When we have family rituals, I make sure each of them have something to do.  Whether it's calling the Elements, lighting candles, or helping to raise energy for our work.  They are also both doing a lot of reading on their own and have decided to make their own altar in their room.

My younger sons (6, 4, 2, and 11 months) are all a bit young for any kind of formal education on our faith.  With them it's much more casual.  Our Pagan philosophy is something we weave into our lives.  We talk about the earth, the need to reduce, reuse, and recycle.  We talk about the Gods, and how to honor them in our daily lives, especially in the way we treat one another.  We talk about the Divine all around us in nature.  And of course we talk about the colors of candles that we use around the circle, the four directions, the elements, and other basics of the faith.  We also sing songs, clap, and can even have very pared down simple rituals when there seems to be an occasion for it.

If you're looking to bring your kids into the practice of the faith, start small and work up.  Find things that are child-centric to add, like cookies and apple juice instead of wine and cakes.  Read what others have discovered along the path.  There are a lot more Pagan parents out there than you might think (see my sidebar).  Read their blogs and their books.  Find out what works for them.  And don't be afraid to talk about your faith.  A lot of us who came from overbearing religious homes, sometimes find it difficult to make faith such an integral part of our family life.  But remember, our faith seeks to empower us to find the path that best meets our needs as the individual creatures we are.  It never seeks to bind us, or our children, to something that might not work for us.

Books:

ABC Book of Shadows A board book for babies/toddlers.  Simple and cute.
A Witches Primer A favorite of my daughters', and a basic introduction to Wicca
Growing Up Pagan: A Workbook For Wiccan Families Simple introductory book with stories and activities.
An Ordinary Girl-A Magical Child Elementary age story book about a young Pagan girl and how she lives out her faith with her family.
Pooka Pages A website including a printable free kids magazine that has lots of crafts, stories, recipes, and of course, information about each holiday, what it means, and how to help celebrate it!
 

Magical Mommy Mondays: Spells For Kids

My daughters are at an age where they're starting to react to life from a Pagan perspective. This week my husband was watching a documentary about the Vatican and it was discussing the early persecution of Christians.  Bridget looked up at him and said, "Wow.  It's a good thing we're Pagans."  I guess she hasn't heard about Salem yet.  But I loved that she already sees herself this way.

While I love the Path we've chosen to follow, I don't want them to feel like they have to believe as we do.  At the same time, since they're showing such an interest, I want to encourage them.

When they're having simple problems that I think could be helped with a bit of spell work, I've gone looking for children's spells on the internet.

Um, wow.  From sites that want to send me a package of things labeled as a child's "spell kit" that I really don't need, to websites that engage in the just plain silly, it's been  difficult.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I don't want my kids to engage in really intense spell work.  But this is part of the practice of our faith, and I do want them to take it seriously.  Simple but engaging is what I'm looking for.

One great resource I've found is the Pooka Pages.  My kids love reading them and on the site there are stories, activities, and even a Book of Shadows.

Another thing I like to do is come up with my own simple candle spells.  Take a candle, with a color that corresponds with their need/sprinkle it with an herb that's appropriate, light it while thinking of their need, let it burn out, then bury it to seal the spell. They're simple, and teach both some basic herbalism plus the power of intention.  Small sachets are good, too.  Especially if they're having a problem at school, we can make a sachet, and they can put it in their backback where it can work all day for them.  This is also a really good time to remind them of our basic ethics.

However we choose to involve our children in our religious lives, I think offering them simple tools, along with the growing understanding of our responsibility as we practice, empowers them.  And I want to give my kids every opportunity to feel strong and capable.

Happy Christmas and a Blessed Yule

I have a feeling I'm not alone. I'm a Pagan who loves Christmas. I was raised as a Christian child. My dad was the choir director at the Episcopal Church where I went all through my childhood. Christmas brought the pageant. We dressed up like angels and shepherds and acted out a beautiful story of the birth of a baby. Christmas is more than a religious holiday. It's a time that symbolizes warmth, safety, kindness, peace, goodwill toward men. You don't have to be a Christian to love these things. And, to tell the truth, I have a soft spot in my heart for the carpenter of lowly birth, who sought to teach others to live in harmony and peace.

 But I'm a Pagan. I won't be celebrating Christmas as a religious holiday. My religious holiday is December 22nd, Yule. For those who don't know, Yule is when the dark half of the year gives way to the light. It is when the Oak King, the Sun God who gives life, is reborn of the Goddess, vanquishing the Holly King. I always think of Christmas as the day that the Son is born, and Yule the day that the Sun is born. There are so many parallels between the two holidays, though (of course) each has a meaning that is uniquely it's own.

This year that we will not be celebrating Christmas at all.  We asked the kids what they wanted to do.  Celebrate Yule as a religious holiday and then Christmas as a cultural one?  Just Yule?  It turned out they were perfectly content to celebrate only Yule.

So, we've decorated the Yule Tree. We'll have presents. We'll make cookies for Santa. In fact, in my husband's tradition (Asatru), the God Odin was said to ride across the sky, giving gifts to his people.  Odin looks a bit like Santa actually, if maybe just a touch fiercer.  We will spend time with those we love, give thanks for the many gifts of the Season, and rejoice that there is a light in the darkness.  Whether Christian or Pagan, these are great gifts, for which we should be grateful.  And as much as I love Christmas, I've realized that I haven't given up a single thing that I truly love.

Happy Christmas and a Blessed Yule to all those who celebrate.   .

 

Yule Resources for families:
The Pooka Pages for Pagan Kids
Celebrating Yule With Kids
Yule @ Pagan Kids N Kin

Magical Mothering Mondays: A Mother's Touch?

Alright, so I'd started with a big long post that says basically what I've said ten different ways to Sunday.  That one of our most powerful Magical tools as a Mother, is touch.  Are you shocked, surprised, and amazed?  Me neither.

While there's a Magical side to mothering, there's a pretty mundane side too.  As I stood over the sink this afternoon frantically trying to clean poop out of Quinn's (3) shoe before getting the three littlest boys into the van to go get their sisters from school, I felt about as far from a Powerful Magical Figure as I could get.

I know that in these every day things we are to find the Magic.  And I like to be a voice of encouragement.  But some days, it is really hard.

It's Fall.  I want to be picking pumpkins and apples, and watching Brennan (2) squeal as he gets pumkin seeds all over his hands.  I want to carve Jack-O-Lanterns and jump in piles of leaves.  You know, like the moms in the pictures in the magazines and books.  The ones who aren't doing 8 loads of laundry and freaking out on their 14 year old who was just caught on the computer again when he knows he's on restriction.

Not to state the obvious or anything, but this parenting gig is way harder than it looked in the brochure.

I actually got a call while at the grocery store today that, while I was out, Bridget (7) stepped away from her homework to find out what flour tasted like.  She grabbed a handful out of the canister, ate it, and then threw up.  I wish someone had taken a picture of my face when I got that phone call.  I'm seriously telling myself that it's her brilliance and Scientific mind that made her conduct such an experiment.  I have to.  If I start thinking about the alternative, I might have to open that bottle of Chardonnay 

Maybe what's Magic about us sometimes, is that we get through the day without drinking, hurting anyone, or giving up on the whole thing.  Because while I love them fiercely and more than my own life, they sometimes make me think I'm losing my already fragile mind.

The Crone

It's that time of year again. The weather is changing. The leaves are turning into all of my favorite Autumn colors. The fruit is ripe and ready for harvesting. Mabon is coming. We've been preparing, this week, for our Mabon celebration on Friday. The kids are anxiously looking for little pieces of Fall nature that can decorate our alter. We're thinking about the fresh baked bread and cookies we're going to make. And we're talking about what Mabon is and what it means.

I explained that this is the second of the three harvest festivals. The one where our ancestors celebrated the harvesting of fruit, like apples. We talked about how that day will be just as long as it is short. And we talked about how the Goddess is moving into her third aspect: the Crone.

The girls and I talked (since the little boys are too little to understand much of this, and Reagan is really not of a spiritual mind, most of the spiritual/religious conversations are between the girls and me) about what the Crone is. While in my mind, that Goddess aspect is older, I don't think of her as decrepit. She is the embodiment of wisdom and learning. She is The Wise Woman. I pointed out that the three aspects of the Goddess are seen all over nature, and in us too. But, you know, I'm not at all the kind of Wise Woman I'd like to be.

I have this picture in my mind of myself, living in a home with a big pantry full of herbs.  A friend drops by with a sore throat, and I know exactly what to do for that.  Within minutes I've brewed up a tea.  But I'm not at all like that, really.  Not yet, anyway.  With herbalism, there is so much to learn.  I haven't studied nearly all I would need to in order to really be good at it.  At the same time, since I'm not yet a woman with enough knowledge or time to do that, I am at least smart enough to make myself familiar with good herbal companies that have done the work for me.  And I can Google.

So tonight I have two teas brewing in the kitchen.  A Mother's Milk for me (I'm having some supply issues) and a throat coat for my husband.  Maybe knowing what my limits are and what I'm capable of, and doing the best I can within those limits, is being a certain kind of wise woman.

 

Pagan Pride

My blogging vacation is over.  Between Summer Break with kids home and a new baby, I really didn't have the time.  But now school is back in session (I could cry that Reagan started High School and Ciaran started Kindergarten) and I have a teensy bit more free time.  You know, when I'm not needed as Liam's personal Lactation Station.

So today was the Twin Cities Pagan Pride event, which I think was a success.  I came across several Pagan-y things that I wanted, and was able to help some friends cart things to and from.  I found that I really enjoy people watching at Pagan events.  They seem to run the gamut from "gosh, I wouldn't have pegged them as a Pagan" to (as my friend S. put it) "How did that much crazy wind up in one package?".  Not that we judge, in fact, probably because we don't judge, many kinds of people feel comfortable in our ranks.  We came through the day no worse for wear.  Just a little hot and a parking ticket.  My day pass had expired and I didn't realize it.  Turns out the park police take parking very seriously.  Who knew? 

Many of us there today have kids, but many of us didn't bring our kids.  I think in the future that may need to change.  I know my Pagan kids need to understand that they're part of a larger community and one they can be involved in.   I want them to have some Pagan Pride.  

In other news, I've survived the first week of school and finding the routine of this year.  I hope it's a good one.  Seriously, Ciaran's in Kindergarten and I really want it to be a good year for him.  Coming up on the blog I have a giveaway/review of a parenting product. For now, I'm going to watch Dr. Who with the husband and then fall into a coma like sleep.  

Magical Mommy Mondays: A Healing Kiss

I've always thought there was a certain amount of Mommy Magic in a kiss.  How many of our kids really seem to feel better after we've laid lips on their "owie"?  Mine can go from sobbing mess to off and playing in seconds flat with a well placed Mommy-Kiss.

Usually when one of my kids hurts themselves, I rub my hands together to work up a little energy, and then I rub it into their sore spot gently, with a healing intent.  Afterward I seal it with a kiss.  Thus, it becomes a tiny and pretty darned effective work.

But what about when the "owie" is a lot bigger?  Say, a baby who's had brain surgery?  Daily, I would raise energy and lay my hands on Liam's head, picturing his brain functioning normally.  He was healing beautifully, and doing everything he was supposed to.  But the fluid began to accumulate in his ventricles.  I decided it should be a family project.  I told each of the kids that, with every kiss we gave to Liam, we'd give him a little bit of healing magic.  Every kiss became a spell and a prayer for the fluid to decrease.

Whatever the outcome of Spellwork on the physical realm, it has a very powerful effect on the psyche.  There is so little we, as a family, could do for Liam.  Love him, kiss him, that was well within our control.  So, kiss him we did.  There might not be so kissed a baby in all of North America.  Not just Mommy and Daddy, but all his brothers and sisters, kissed his little head repeatedly, throughout the day.

Our latest ultrasound shows that the fluid has (for now at least) stabilized.  And I noticed the other day (when our pediatrician pointed it out) that his forehead, which has previously bulged out under the pressure from inside his head, has gone flat.  There's no skull there at the top of his forehead, so it doesn't feel exactly like another baby's head might feel.  But it's so much better!

We may not always need to use our Mommy Magic for such big things.  But big or small, there is no one for whom our magic is better used, than kiddos.

Pagan Family Values?

Stacy, over at Inspired by Life, wrote a post yesterday about Pagan Family Values. Apparently, it's Pagan Family Values month. Who knew? Well, obviously, Stacy, but that's beside the point.

It turns out that this is a topic I've been thinking about for a while. See, I became a Pagan in High School. But by the time I had a husband and kids, my spiritual path had moved to Christianity. And while I knew in my heart that Wicca was a gentle nature religion, my experience with it had been as a sort of hedonistic teenager, not a responsible adult. Values had not factored into my time as a Pagan, except for the basics which I was not applying as a mature adult.

Interestingly, my values really didn't change, as my views broadened, and I found myself back on a Pagan Spiritual Path. And as I've read the blogs of other Pagan moms, I've found that much is the same no matter what your religious path.

Our values do have a basis in our faith.  Not all Pagans believe in the Rule of Three, that all energy put out into the world will be returned threefold.  But most of us believe that it will be returned in one way or another.    I think most of us can see that.  Smile at someone, and they'll likely smile back.  A small example, but it makes the point.

And, in the form of Paganism I follow, the Wiccan Rede teaches "An it harm none do what ye will".  Our actions should always be thoughtful, our decisions shouldn't harm others, ourselves, or the world in which we live.

When you combine these ideas together, it ends up incredibly similar to "Do Unto Others".  It is our job as Pagans to treat others with respect and kindness.  To protect and stand up for those unable to speak for themselves.  To be good Stewards of the Earth we live on.  Like any other parent, I want my children to grow up safe and happy, not aged too quickly by a world that moves too fast.  In our house, we cultivate the same values as other parents, teaching our children honesty, integrity, kindness, charity, and responsibility.

Yes, Pagans have family values.

Magical Mommy Mondays: Monsters...

There is a monster under the bed.  Maybe it's in the closet.  Maybe it's behind the door.  Wherever it's lurking, it's in there, and it's going to come out and Eat Your Child!

Sometime around 4 am when Reagan was about four years old, I was ready to find that monster and strangle it with my bare hands.  

But Mommies are magical.  We can banish monsters, and empower our children to be bigger and stronger than they are.  I have three solutions for the monster problem. And each of my children so far, has had a monster problem.

1. Monsters are made of chocolate.  While they come at night to frighten you, they aren't allowed to get very close, because if you get close enough to one, you can bite it, and they are made of they yummiest chocolate Ever.  If my children are willing to believe that monsters are essentially giant chocolate bunnies in disguise, suddenly they are not scary at all.  My kids have really liked this.  

2. Anti Monster Spray.  We put water into a spray bottle and maybe a protective herb like Chamomile and we say a prayer that this spray would banish any harmful thing that might enter their room.  Honestly, my kids have taken the spray bottle to bed, but somehow have never actually needed to use it.  I figured worst case scenario is a wet spot on the floor.  I can live with that.  Especially if I haven't been up all night trying to banish the monsters myself.  

3. Anti-Monster Smudging.  There's something about smoke and seeing Mommy do something that makes kids feel safer.  So, if I can take a Sage smudge stick around their room saying a little prayer of protection over their space, that's a powerful tool for helping them calm their minds.

Mommy Magic is broad and capable of so much.  Maybe there isn't a "monster" in their room.  But all of my kids have found a period of time where they became aware that things were mysterious in the dark.  And anything that I can do to help them find power in those times where they're aware of their own vulnerability, well, that's big.  That sense that they have some control over their world is going to be valuable long after they stop worrying about the monsters under their beds.  

Magical Mommy Mondays

It's a Full Moon tonight, and let me tell you, I'm in no mood.  I've got nothing planned.  Usually the girls and I enjoy doing something together, but tonight I just can't.  So, I'm going to light a candle and some incense and just meditate a bit.

For Full Moon Celebrations with the girls, we make it simple.   We have a circle with cookies and milk, and it always ends up being this time where we talk, make plans, and enjoy the feel of the night together.  I'm kind of sad I don't have more energy.  But then, I think Liam is calling upon a lot, and I'm going to let him have it.  Have I mentioned that there's just 9 1/2 weeks until D-Day, if I go that long?  Woot!

As a Christian Mom, I was taught to find the Sacred in the mundane.  But the truth is that I have continued to do that, even now.  Why shouldn't we  find that in whatever path we take?  If one Pagan idea of Magic is to channel energy into bringing change to the world, then doing it through Motherhood seems especially powerful (though maybe a kind of long and somewhat unpredictable spell).  I don't see Magic as...fancy or all in the ritual or the words.  Magic can be and often is, in the small things.  The kissed knees, the bedtime stories, the meals, the snuggles, the lessons, and the hard things too. I pour my prayers for my kiddos, my energy, and my love into all of those things.

So, I'm thinking I'll take Monday's and try to write about the Magic of Motherhood.  While I may feel large, uncomfortable, and more than a little awkward at the moment, I'm most definitely feeling magical as well.