What Witches Do: Prayer

My friend Jennifer posted on my Ask Me Anything post about how I practice my faith.

See, Jennifer is an Orthodox Christian. Her faith influences almost every aspect of her life. From what she eats, to how she prays, her faith is a living part of her day. So, it makes sense to me that she would wonder, knowing me as she does (we've been friends for decades), how my faith affects how I live.

But I decided that instead of answering with just one post, I'd make it a series. What Witches Do. Clever, right?

Just keep in mind that how I do it, may not be how someone else does it. I don't speak for all Witches. No one does. And don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise.

So, do Witches pray? Well, I do. A lot of us do. It's a sanity tool. And I need all the sanity tools I can get.

Some of my prayer is conversation with the Gods, calling on certain Deities the way a Catholic might call upon different saints. I do this often, when I need to talk through something. When I need to hear it out loud. Or when I'm not sure about what the outcome should be. I'm well aware that I don't always know what the right thing to do is. I trust that the Gods do, however, and I put it in their hands.

Some of my prayer is meditative. For example, this is a Witches Ladder:

Photo and product from The Magikal Store

This isn't exactly what mine looks like, but you can see, it's a little like a Rosary. I pick a mantra or prayer and face each of the four directions, repeating it. It centers and soothes me, and prepares me for the day. 

These can also be used for spellwork and about a hundred other things. But I use mine for prayer and meditation. I can explain in another post how I might make a Witches Ladder during spellwork. But that's for another day.

I actually pray often. When my friends request it, when I need to hold on to patience, when there's a situation that is uncertain, when I need comfort, and when I just plain feel like it. The thing is, I can't tell you if it actually changes things, or if it just changes me. This is faith, not science, and I'm careful not to confuse the two. In the end, it doesn't matter to me if "prayer works", because it works for me, and that's all it really needs to do. Sometimes in this world, we are so powerless, and the ability to pray is the ability to do something. And we need that. 

But I do pray. Witches pray. The Craft is a practice, to be sure, but more than that, it is a faith. For me it is a faith in a Divine Presence that flows through all of us, and through the planet and all living things. And prayer reminds me of that connection, and brings me a great deal of peace. Which, clearly I need.

*****
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Coming To (A Pagan) Faith

Beth of Manic Mumbling said:

"I always love stories of how you celebrate your faith. It seems awfully personal to ask you about how you came to it, but ... you opened this up!"

She's right! I did. And I am fine talking about my faith and how I got here. It's a little meandering, and I'm sure I'll miss pieces. But, this is a basic rough idea.

People have always been faithful. Whether throwing gifts into water in the hope of an answered prayer, lighting incense to carry their petitions to the Gods, or building cathedrals as monuments of an awesome and all powerful deity. We have, collectively, always believed in something bigger than ourselves.

I'm no different.

I was raised Episcopalian, but had a hard time connecting on a deep spiritual level. Which, to be fair, is not the fault of the church.

I was young. And I had always seen it as a show. Something you rehearsed for and put on. My dad was the choir director, after all. I can see why it was hard for me to understand the meaning behind the show, and how it was used to create a spiritual experience.

So I left, in my teens,to search for something that I felt like I could connect to. A dear friend was a practicing Pagan, and she introduced me to what she believed in. I started reading, and teaching myself.

Part of what drew me was the idea of personal power. I had experienced some trauma early on in my life, and had always felt like what happened to me, was up to other people. The ability to be in charge of my own spirituality, was empowering.

Of course, I think part of what drew me to Paganism, was also that it was just so different. And it felt a little rebellious, too.

But really, that's not a good basis for any faith choice.

Eventually I got over the need to rebel. And I went back to the Christian faith.

I tried.

I tried so hard.

I tried to be enough. I tried to do enough. I thought if I could just pray hard enough, do the right things, be devout enough, read enough scripture, I would feel connected and...good enough.

But it never came.

I also started to have issues with ideas and people within the church, and I ultimately lost my faith.

I just plain didn't believe.  

Yet, I still felt like there was a divine force in the universe. I believed in that. I just started to believe that it was bigger. More inclusive than exclusive. A force so great that all people had tried to connect to it in one way or another, and maybe none of them were wrong.

Maybe being right, wasn't the point at all. Maybe the religion wasn't the point, but was instead a set of tools to connect us to that force.

I started reading again. And was drawn back to the Pagan path. What I practice, acknowledges balance, and the divine nature found in all living things. It focuses on respect, on harming no one, not even yourself. Which seems like a simple ethical principle, but is truly quite profound.

I love that that simple idea frees me from worrying about how anyone else lives their life. My job is not to judge, but to live my life to the best of my ability. I don't have to be right. I have to do right. It no longer matters so much, what I believe. Now what matters is how what I do, and how my beliefs influence my actions.

So, Paganism, for me, lets me see the Divine through the cycles of the earth. It provides me with a rich mythology, from which I can pull lessons that help me to live my life. And it helps me connect to something bigger than myself, in a way that works for me.

The Great Spirit, as I see it, is a multifaceted jewel. And the Gods, as we choose to believe in them, are facets of that jewel, giving us a glimpse of something so much greater.

And following this path, has allowed me to feed my soul in a way that feels natural for me. I am at last, a very happy Pagan Mama.

*****
Faith? Personal? Well, there's not much left I haven't talked about, really. And if you came to read it, you're pretty lovely. So, do me one more favor, and click the link below, which registers a vote for me, would you? Thanks! You're the best!

Dear Kirk Cameron, Let's Talk About Halloween

This is not how we celebrate Samhain.
But Pagans have a sense of humor, and this is funny.

Dear Kirk Cameron,

First of all, I'd like to say that I have a deep respect for the Christian faith. I'm truly blessed to know so many who practice with a sense of humility, and a great deal of education, not only about what they believe, but about what others believe as well.

And they're smart enough to ask questions instead of representing a faith they know nothing about, like you have.

Clearly, I take issue with some things you've said. I'd like to say that I take issue with some things you've said  recently, but that wouldn't be true in the slightest.

I've not spoken out against some of what I consider to be your homophobic rhetoric, mostly because other people have done it so much better than I could ever hope to.

This time, though, you're touching on my faith, and I'd like to clear a few things up for you. Especially since Pagans already face a great deal of misinformation and stereotyping in this country. You think you're persecuted for being a Christian? Try being a Pagan in the Bible Belt. Seriously, you have no idea.

But I digress. You stated in this interview with the Christian Post:

"Early on, Christians would dress up in costumes as the devil, ghosts, goblins and witches precisely to make the point that those things were defeated and overthrown by the resurrected Jesus Christ,"..."The costumes poke fun at the fact that the devil and other evils were publicly humiliated by Christ at His resurrection. That's what the Scriptures say, that He publicly humiliated the devil when He triumphed over power and principality and put them under his feet. Over time you get some pagans who want to go this is our day, high holy day of Satanic church, that this is all about death, but Christians have always known since the first century that death was defeated, that the grave was overwhelmed, that ghosts, goblins, devils are foolish has-beens who used to be in power but not anymore. That's the perspective Christians should have."

So, let's get started, shall we?

Samhain (pronounced like sow-in or sow-een depending on the region) is the ancient Celtic holiday that many modern Pagans celebrate at Haloween. It is our New Year, and our final harvest festival. Traditionally it's thought to be the day when the veil between this world and the next was thinnest. People would have feasts to honor their dead loved ones, and would leave sacrifices to aid them on their journeys in the afterlife.

Some of us still do.

When Christians began converting the Celts, they looked for ways to incorporate their ancient festivals into more Christian ones.

And, to be honest, that doesn't bother me. Why wouldn't they? If they thought that the Celts were worshiping the wrong Gods, why wouldn't they just change the focus to the God they though was correct?

That some of the Christians told lies in order to covert people, does bother me. As does the vilification of the old faith to the point where people had to hide it for centuries, for fear of death. Even good Christians were murdered in the quest to rid the world of Paganism.

So really, way to go, right?

Now, to be fair, (because I can be, and because I can read, and have studied history) the idea of honoring the dead didn't begin and end in Britain. Every culture has some ritual or festival that does so, and the early church did too. It's just that when they were looking for ways to incorporate some of the Pagan traditions into the Church, they borrowed certain themes from Samhain, and created All Saints Day.

Seriously, Kirk, you don't really think that all your Christian holidays developed in a vacuum, completely devoid of any input from the cultures that it touched as it was spreading across the continents, did you?

That's just ignorant on your part.

But, hey,  if you want to wear costumes that poke fun of what you believe to be evil, and to show your faith that your God has triumphed over those things, more power to you. I take no issue with it whatsoever.

But when you start speaking for my faith, you sound like an uneducated blowhard.

There is no "High Holy Day of the Satanic Church" for Pagans. We don't believe in Satan, not like you do.

We see the Satan you fear, as a perversion of our Horned God. The God of the forests, and of the hunt. He brought fertility, and even sang the dead to the Summerlands.

We see how the Church twisted our God of the Wilderness into something scary, to be feared, so that people would turn away from their Ancient traditions, and follow Christianity.

And, just so you know, Pagans and Satanists are two totally different things.

Let me explain something to you. For us, Samhain isn't "all about death". We see life as a Sacred Spiral of life, death, and rebirth. For us you can't have one without the other.

Our celebration isn't morose, it's hopeful.

We're happy to honor those who have gone before us. We're grateful for the seeds that will come back to life when winter turns to spring. We're grateful for our harvest that will feed us through the winter, and for the earth's rest. Because truly, all living things need a rest.

We acknowledge and respect the dark part of the cycle, as it will bring us back to the light.

Mr. Cameron, I will respect your right to speak about your faith, about what you believe, and about how you feel your faith should understand it's holidays.

But I'd like you to do me the favor of not speaking for my faith, or attempting to represent what we believe (especially when it's clear that you have no idea what you're talking about).

Oh, and lastly, this Witch hasn't been defeated or overthrown by anyone. But feel free to look me up if you'd like to have a try.

*****
Happy Halloween, or Samhain Blessings to you.  If you like my blog, please click the link below which registers a vote for me, would you? Thanks. You're the best!

Ordinary Pagan Mom?

Courtesy of Magical Graphics

Finding a new blog theme was hard.  Like I explained yesterday, it was pull my hair out, cry, and yell at inanimate objects hard.  But it made me think about what I want my blog to be about, and what I want it to mean.

I started this blog as a homeschooling mom.  It's complete focus was on our schooling and what we were doing.  I wanted people to see how much was involved in homeschooling.  We were doing so much!

Then the blog morphed.  It became a mommy blog, and specifically one with a Christian focus, as I was quite devoted to my faith.

I have tried to explain to people why I chose to leave the faith.  I wish I could point to one thing, like what happened when Sarah died, but really Sarah's death started me down a path I didn't even see at the time.  There were so many things, and so many reasons.  But make no mistake, it was a choice.  I found myself becoming more angry, resentful, and bitter.  I wanted to love the faith, and I had to leave before I stopped.  I see Christianity as a path I neededto walk. I had to explore it.  I had to learn things about myself that I would not have learned otherwise.  When I left, I was unsure of where I would end up.  I read a lot, and found myself drawn to Paganism, but not for the same reasons as I had when I was younger.  I wasn't choosing Paganism to rebel, but because I wanted a faith that I felt honored the Divine that moved through all living things, that allowed me a path to participate without the need for anything or anyone else, and provided me with the freedom to express my faith as best as I understood it and without having to judge the rightness of what anyone else believed. (How's that for a run-on sentence?)

I have fought with myself over how the blog should progress from there, and subsequently, I've found myself writing less, as I'm not sure of my own direction.  Do I this to be a Mom Blog?  Maybe, but I want to acknowledge that I'm more than that.  Do I want this to be a Special Needs Mom blog?  Maybe, but I'm more than that, too.  And I'm of the opinion that my kids need me to be the person who helps teach them to navigate their world more easily.  Which is what my regular needs kids require as well.  Is it humor, drama, serious, deep?  I think it's all of those things.  It's life.

The biggest question was, did I want to sort of re-brand myself as a Pagan Mom Blog?  Well, first of all, there are others out there who are doing that far better than I could, and who are far more knowledgeable. They also tend to be geared toward other Pagans.  I hope other Pagans read me, but I hope non-Pagans do, too.  I have been concerned about talking about faith and religion too much.  First of all, I don't want to be overbearing.  I've seen it, I've done it, I never want to beat anyone over the head with my religion ever again.  Second of all, I didn't want to alienate anyone.

So, that second-of-all thing I wrote, is kind of a big deal for me.  I've been sitting with it a while, and it's only finally working itself through to some conclusion.  And here's what I've finally decided: I hope that anyone who has questions about what I believe, would ask me.  I'd even be happy to do a post answering questions about what I believe.  I'd like people to get to understand that Pagans are everywhere, and we volunteer for the PTO, we're your nurses, mechanics, teachers, therapists, and more.  I want people to see that we're not to be feared, and we're not a bunch of crazy weirdos.  At the same time, it's not my job to make everyone comfortable all the time.  Some people won't like it, some people won't like me, and that's okay.  I can live with it.

After all that, I still am not entirely sure where this blog is going.  I'm just hoping you'll come along for the ride.  Again, feel free to ask me anything.  I'm largely an open book.  I'm also playing with my tagline.  Tagline writing is hard.

Matters Of Faith

It's been quite a ride for me over the last few years. In matters of faith, I faltered, struggled, questioned, and ultimately took the rather scary step of placing my feet on a different path.  This was scary because I knew that some people would not understand it at all.  I definitely had some fear of losing friends over it.  I know I've lost readers.  But then, I've gained some, too.  And I couldn't let that fear get in the way of taking that step.  Faith has always been personal and important to me.  So, I had to go where I felt led.

So a while back, I got an email from someone who was grateful for my Pearl Posts.  For those not familiar with them, I've written a number of posts about my experience with the Pearl's parenting advice, and the many things I believe are wrong with it.  This reader expressed some concerns about the graphics on my site, saying,

are you aware that there are right now two occultic graphics on your blog? One clearly states the first rule of satanism, "an it harm none, do what thou wilt"......and the other one has a pantagram with the greeting "blessed be" which is a wiccan greeting. as you call yourself a christian I would think this would be of great concern to you.

I thought about this email for a long time.  And, finally, I wrote her the following response:

Dear S., Thank you for the concern. If you read the top of my blog, it mentions that I'm a witchy mama. And in the about me section it points out that I'm a Christian turned Pagan. Just an FYI, the "harm none" rule is actually the first rule of Wicca, not Satanism. In fact, modern Satanism sets up man as his own God and believes in doing good only to those whom you think deserve it. Wicca believes in the principle of never doing harm. Not to others, and not to oneself. In fact Pagans should strive to do good in all things and all ways. It is a peaceful earth based religion with no place for Satan. We don't believe in Satan. 

I understand that you may believe differently about my faith. I respect that and wish you well on your journey. I don't see my change of faith as a rejection of God or even Jesus. For me, it is an expansion to seeing God reflected in the world around me. To seeing God as bigger than the box I believed Christianity put around Him/Her. It focuses more on experiencing God and doing good than on being right. I can usually be sure I'm doing good, or at least not doing harm. I can never be sure if I am right. 

Peace to you, and I'm glad you liked my articles, if not my faith, 

Now, I will give you that I'm not always good with my words, and perhaps I was unclear in a few areas.  Still, I was surprised at what she got out of what I wrote, and what her response ultimately was.

1 John 2:19 says: "They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us."
You say you were a christian but left because you wanted to not put God in the box we christians put him in. On the contrary, as a christian we believe God is omnipotent, omnipresent, hears all things, knows all things, sees all things, created all things, and is in all things.

I understand what Christians believe.  My experience was that, in practice, He was often put in a box.  One in which He was so much less understanding of human nature than even we humans are.  I was not comfortable with that.  And it's not something all Christians do.  But I'd seen it enough that I was becoming jaded and angry.  I didn't want to feel that way about a faith that I truly cared about.  It was better for me to leave and still have love and respect for it, and for Jesus.

You say you wanted to do good. Are you saying then, that being a christian forbid you that opportunity, if you were indeed a christian, which I doubt. See the verse above.

I do want to do good.  And, no, I am not saying that being a Christian denied me or forbid me that opportunity. What I found instead was that I was never Christian enough for some.  And I spent so much time trying to defend my understanding of my faith to other Christians, that I had become focused on being Right, as opposed to doing good.

I think you must not have actually read the bible, as God over and over admonishes us to do good, to everyone and everything, even THOSE WHO HATE US.

I think she should probably stop making assumptions about me with so little knowledge.  I have indeed read the bible, many times. And while I understand the Christian imperative, I had become so invested in being right about matters of faith, that I believe I was losing focus.

that is not wicca, or paganism, or whatever you say you are...instead, it is the essence of christianity, to do good.

Sorry, but she is wrong.  Pretty much every major religion has good deeds as a big part of it.  I will never understand the Christians who think their religion has a monopoly on doing good in the world.   She then spent quite a bit of time quoting scripture at me.  To what end, I couldn't tell you.

Dear Anne, I donot want to argue..be right or diss your beliefs..

I'm not feeling that, but I'll take her word for it.

but I am a bible believing christian, and as such, knowing what the bible says, I know you were never really a believer, or you would not have left...

Ok, now I'll admit, I'm a little annoyed.  I'm pretty sure I didn't spend years of my life offering my time, my obedience, and my faith to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

as the very first verse above states...God does not lie. He says those of you who leave the fold were never really of us....that is why you left..so it could be revealed you were really not a christian.The good news is, since you were never really a believer in Christ, well, maybe you never made him Lord of your life, that you can still be saved.

Oh, Hey!  Hear that, everyone?  I can still be saved!  I can spend many more years of my life believing, worshiping  studying,  only to never be assured of my salvation!  You see, I know my faith was genuine. And if that wasn't enough, then I could never be assured that anything was.  

IF indeed, like you claim, you were once a christian, and left..than the news is not so good. Hebrews 6:4-5 4 For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost,5 And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come,6 If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.

Oh, well then, that's bad for me I guess.  I've put Jesus to open shame and I suppose will be cast into the darkness?  Into the Pit?  Let me make this really clear.  The God I believe in, The Great Creator spirit that I worship, that I see manifest in all faiths and deities, is big enough to understand that I have struggled in my faith.  He/She/It is Great enough to understand that what I seek to do is experience a connection to It.  And if your God would cast me into an eternal pit, and have so little understanding for that struggle, than why would I want to follow Him?

There are many ppl who do good, evil ppl do good, so do good people and not so good ppl. Everyone loves somebody, the question at hand is really, WHO DO YOU SERVE, Jesus or Satan? There are only those two choice....jsut because you donot believe in satan, doesnt make him any less real...you can read his very prolific history here, and his origin, and even his end! Luke 10:18, Isaiah 14:12, Rev. 12:9, Matthew 4:10 Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'" or even his plan for YOU 8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

I'm going to skip the convoluted reasoning in using scriptures as proof for scripture. Instead I will say, I don't believe that.  I don't believe that someone like Ghandi was serving Satan simply because he wasn't serving God as you understand Him.  It seems unlikely that someone would do so much good in the world...for Satan.  I reject the idea of Satan completely.  Frankly, I think we do enough evil ourselves.  

She goes on to implore me to turn away from my evil path, and return to the One True God.  She's quite sincere in her pleas, and I don't want to make light of that.  But I would like to point out that telling a virtual stranger that she hasn't read the bible, wasn't really a believer, and then to lecture her for quite a long time, might not be the best way to evangelize.  I'm pretty sure the Bible says that without love, one is just a clanging symbol (one of my favorite scriptures, actually) and for me, that's what her email became. Just a resounding noise.

In the end, what I believe is less the point for me.  My faith structure as it's set up, is a means to an end.  And that end is communion with Deity.  I do that through many means, and that connection fills me with a desire to go into the world and do good. Care for people, care for the Earth, be connected to other living beings.  This is my truth.

If believing in God and Jesus does that for you, provides you with that connection and that impetus to do good in the world, then I support you in it!  Ask my Christian friends if I tear down their faith or discourage them from practicing it.  They will tell you I don't.  In fact, quite the opposite is true.  I wonder how, if I truly serve Satan, I could encourage my friends in their Christian faith.  One would think that would be very counterproductive for the Dark One.

 

Time To Breathe

People ask me how, with seven kids, I manage to stay sane.  To be honest, I'm not always sure I do.  My life is busy and sometimes chaotic.  Okay, maybe more than sometimes.

Anyone who's read this blog for any length of time knows that my spirituality is important to me.  It's a road that has wound and changed for me over the years, but it's still a huge part of my life and how I live every day.

Over the last year I've been trying to get my body healthy.  Yeah, I want to look better and feel better, but I also want this body to carry me through a whole lifetime, and it won't do that if I don't nurture it.  And I have to not only nurture the physical, but the spiritual as well.  I've found an odd way to do both.  I'm running.

For me, it's weird.  I'm not athletic, I never have been.  My Middle School P.E. teacher would get so mad at me for refusing to run.  She would be so shocked now.  I run on purpose.    I not only started, but finished a couch to 5K program.  Then, it turned out that I liked it so much I've kept going.  I'm up to about 4 miles now.  I'm not fast, and I'm probably not pretty, but I'm doing it and it feels fantastic.

The running, of course benefits my health, but it turns out that it benefits my spirit, too.  It's my time.  I'm alone, listening to music, and spending time with my thoughts.  I'm tuned in to how the earth is changing, the heat from the Summer changing to the golden falling leaves of Autumn.  Running gives me time to breathe.  It's my time.  Hopefully, doing this gives me what I need to be more focused at home, too.  When we take care of ourselves, we can take better care of our kids and our families.  At least that's what I'm hoping for.

 

The Truest Beauty

This is Balpreet Kaur.  A practicing Seik, she was minding her own business when her picture was taken by a passerby, and posted on Reddit.  This has become a major deal on the internet.

Balpreet caught wind of the Reddit post questioning her faith, her gender, and her femininity.  The cruelty of the internet strikes again, right?  Well, apparently not!  After a  friend of Balpreet saw the photo, she joined in the conversation:

Yes, I realize that my gender is often confused and I look different than most women. However, baptized Sikhs believe in the sacredness of this body - it is a gift that has been given to us by the Divine Being [which is genderless, actually] and, must keep it intact as a submission to the divine will. Just as a child doesn't reject the gift of his/her parents, Sikhs do not reject the body that has been given to us. By crying 'mine, mine' and changing this body-tool, we are essentially living in ego and creating a seperateness between ourselves and the divinity within us. By transcending societal views of beauty, I believe that I can focus more on my actions. My attitude and thoughts and actions have more value in them than my body because I recognize that this body is just going to become ash in the end, so why fuss about it? When I die, no one is going to remember what I looked like, heck, my kids will forget my voice, and slowly, all physical memory will fade away. However, my impact and legacy will remain: and, by not focusing on the physical beauty, I have time to cultivate those inner virtues and hopefully, focus my life on creating change and progress for this world in any way I can.
Source  

I am in shock.  People were unkind, and attacked her beauty, which is something that has largely set the value of women in my culture for centuries.  And instead of reacting out of hurt and anger, she took the time to gently explain what turn out to be incredible views and beliefs about herself and the Divine.  What's even more incredible is that the guy who posted it, apologized to her.

So, really, in the times of Kim Kardashians and Real Housewives, when we're being told that our value is directly associated with how much we weigh, how we wear our hair, how well our makeup is done, or the clarity of our skin, who is really beautiful?  I think it's women like Balpreet, whose kindness and gentleness allowed her to instruct us all.

Of course, I'm deeply insecure and (in my opinion) overly vain, and I don't expect that to go away after reading Ms. Kour's inspiring words.  But, at the very least, it is a reminder to me that what I should cultivate within myself is that which will last: a quality character and a life of virtue.  Thank you, Balpreet.



For more information about the Seik faith, read here

Happy Christmas and a Blessed Yule

I have a feeling I'm not alone. I'm a Pagan who loves Christmas. I was raised as a Christian child. My dad was the choir director at the Episcopal Church where I went all through my childhood. Christmas brought the pageant. We dressed up like angels and shepherds and acted out a beautiful story of the birth of a baby. Christmas is more than a religious holiday. It's a time that symbolizes warmth, safety, kindness, peace, goodwill toward men. You don't have to be a Christian to love these things. And, to tell the truth, I have a soft spot in my heart for the carpenter of lowly birth, who sought to teach others to live in harmony and peace.

 But I'm a Pagan. I won't be celebrating Christmas as a religious holiday. My religious holiday is December 22nd, Yule. For those who don't know, Yule is when the dark half of the year gives way to the light. It is when the Oak King, the Sun God who gives life, is reborn of the Goddess, vanquishing the Holly King. I always think of Christmas as the day that the Son is born, and Yule the day that the Sun is born. There are so many parallels between the two holidays, though (of course) each has a meaning that is uniquely it's own.

This year that we will not be celebrating Christmas at all.  We asked the kids what they wanted to do.  Celebrate Yule as a religious holiday and then Christmas as a cultural one?  Just Yule?  It turned out they were perfectly content to celebrate only Yule.

So, we've decorated the Yule Tree. We'll have presents. We'll make cookies for Santa. In fact, in my husband's tradition (Asatru), the God Odin was said to ride across the sky, giving gifts to his people.  Odin looks a bit like Santa actually, if maybe just a touch fiercer.  We will spend time with those we love, give thanks for the many gifts of the Season, and rejoice that there is a light in the darkness.  Whether Christian or Pagan, these are great gifts, for which we should be grateful.  And as much as I love Christmas, I've realized that I haven't given up a single thing that I truly love.

Happy Christmas and a Blessed Yule to all those who celebrate.   .

 

Yule Resources for families:
The Pooka Pages for Pagan Kids
Celebrating Yule With Kids
Yule @ Pagan Kids N Kin

Evidence of Something

I used to go listen to a Pastor at a Calvary Chapel in Orange County.  He'd ask us, frequently, if we were on trial for being Christians, would there be enough evidence to convict?

My idea of being "Christian enough" became the answer to that question.  I was "Christian enough" if there was enough evidence in my life to convict me.  Did I read my Bible?  Did I quote enough scripture?  Did I watch the right movies, read the right books, talk about the right things, vote the right way?  Most importantly, how did I parent?

So, it's really not surprising that a book promising to answer all my parenting questions, and show the world my "Godly" family, would be appealing to me as a young overwhelmed mom.  Especially when I thought I had to show the world my religion.

I've written more than once about the Pearl's and my experience with their book, To Train Up a Child.  I'd like to say that it's just another chapter in my parenting book, but I think it's probably the only chapter that I wish I could rip out and pretend never happened.  While I figured out pretty quickly that to follow their methods meant that I would end up beating my children, I still feel like a complete idiot for accepting their authority with so little work on my part.  It is truly my biggest, most epic, parenting fail.

So now, with another death linked to the Pearl's parenting book, even newspapers are wanting to cover this angle, and they're looking for people to talk to.  People who, like me, stopped drinking the Kool-Aid.  I'm considering talking to them, but it scares me a bit.

I've considered that Pearl's followers will look at me, no longer a Christian, and dismiss anything I say as I'm so obviously Satan's mouthpiece now (that was sarcasm, just in case anyone missed it).  But then, if I can get even one parent to reconsider, or if I can help encourage Amazon and other vendors not to carry their books in the first place, it really may be worth it.

In the end, I'm sure that at one time I would have been convicted easily of being a Christian.  But the trappings and evidence of a religion are not necessarily the same as a deep and abiding faith.  It's a shame to confuse the two.

For more posts on the Pearl's, what they teach, and my experiences with them, click on NGJ under the "Labels" heading or in the footer of this post.  And see this site, as well.

The Christians And The Pagans Sat Together At The Table

"So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,

Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,

And just before the meal was served, hands were held and prayers were said,

Sending hope for peace on earth to all their gods and goddesses."

Dar Williams - The Christians and The Pagans

Circle of Mom's is having a contest for it's Top 25 Faith Blogs. What a great way to put moms who blog about their faith (among other things) together to be easily found and appreciated.

Unfortunately, one of the bloggers on the list is upset that she, a Christian, should have to compete with Pagans and Witches in the "Faith" category. I'm not sure what she thinks she knows about the beliefs held by Pagans and Witches, but it's a shame she didn't use the opportunity to learn sometihng as opposed to getting angry and becoming disrespectful toward other people of faith. From an outside perspective, it doesn't look very Christian.

Christians and Pagans don't see Deity in exactly the same way. Certianly the way we choose to reach out and touch the Divine is done differently even among Christians and Pagans themselves. But in focusing on our differences, we miss so much that we share.

• Both Christians and Pagans are taught to do good, and to harm none.
• We're both taught to find the beauty of the Divine in th mundane, the everyday, and the world around us.
• We're both taught to be good stewards of the natural resources and the gifts we've been given.
• We both want to use our faith to bring positive change to the world.
• We both want to protect our children, help them to grow up safe and nurtured, so that they can go out into the world as responsible and prepared adults.
• We both look to our faith as a source of strength, comfort, and as a way to bring peace and balance to our lives.

I don't think it's enough that we learn to tolerate one another.  Instead I'd like to see us show each other the respect due any human being.  Whether they worship ancient Gods and Goddesses, or no God at all.

For some Pagans, I think this is one of those times when it's easy to remember what about Christianity may have made them angry in the past.  After all, many Pagans have come from Christian backgrounds.  But the faith at the core of Christianity  focuses on kindness to others, loving one's neighbor, peace, forgiveness, and charity.  And there are Christians who know and attempt to live that.  

For some Christians I think it's important to remember stories Jesus loved to tell of who was really Godly.  There are many times that Jesus spoke to and listened to those who would have been considered hopeless to the "Righteous".  I don't think it compromises Christian beliefs to show others kindness and respect, even when they disagree on matters of faith.  

Faith is something that connects us, whether our faith is in a God and Goddess who's love we see reflected in every living thing around us, and whom we worship in accordance with the cycles of the Moon or our faith is in the Triune God who's love is reflected in every act of kindness done by the hands of those who follow him, and in the world He created.

 I hope that those of us who write Mommy Blogs, especially those of us who openly share our faith, can continue to discuss how to reach out in love to those who believe differently than we do.  Or at least acknowledge that a faith we don't understand is no less a faith.  

"And it was Jane who spoke, she said, "It's true, your cousin's not a Christian,"

"But we love trees, we love the snow, the friends we have, the world we share,

And you find magic from your God, and we find magic everywhere.""

Dar Williams - The Christians and The Pagans

A Little Mommy Magic

Not exactly that kind of Mommy Magic.  But maybe...

Mommies are magical.  You don't have to agree, but that's what I've decided.  Not magical as in, calling upon the supernatural to do the unnatural.  Here's one definition I found to explain what I mean:

Magic is the art of affecting the manifest through the Unmanifest. The manifest is all that can be seen, touched, perceived, manipulated, imagined, or understood. The Unmanifest is none of these things. It is the place, or rather the non-place, from which everything issues.
Source

So what does magic look like in my house?  Well, Ciaran sliced the bottom of his foot open and has had stitches.  In addition to antibiotic cream and bandages, I also put a salve on it that's made with comfrey.  Comfrey has long been used by local wise women, as well as average women in their homes to treat all kinds of injuries.  Of course, Science has come along and explained it by now.  Turns out it's great at reducing inflammation and encouraging cellular growth.  Go figure.  Yesterday's magic or Witchcraft, todays Science.  But watching my son's wound heal is magical to me.

When my children are hurt, I have instinctively always rubbed my hands together, and touched them where it they were injured.  Anyone out there kiss booboos?  Isn't that kind of magical?  Maybe it's all in our minds, and touch and energy don't make any difference at all (I think they do of course, and there are some interesting studies about touch and healing).  But then, the power to influence someone's mind into healing itself, well that also seems kind of magical.  I wonder if this kind of magic that I practice today, will be tomorrows Science as herbs and potions once were.

I've seen Christian parents lay on hands and say a prayer.  That seems just as magical as a Pagan parent applying a bit of healing energy with a little blessing of the Gods or Goddess.  But however you or I or our neighbor do it, it's just a little Mommy Magic.  And our children, I think are pretty grateful.

The Long And Winding Road

Some people who've followed my blog may have noticed that while I used to talk about my faith a lot, now I don't much at all.  Please don't misunderstand.  I still have faith.  I'm still following a spiritual path.  But I'm feeling the need to be somewhat more private about it.

Even that may change as time goes on.  I'm not someone who stays the same.  I hope to always be growing, changing, and learning.  I have to do, at each point in my life, what I think it best for that time.  Of course, in hindsight, sometimes I'm less than happy with those choices.  I think that's just a risk one takes in life.  Especially when you tend to share almost everything on the internet, and use your real name.

I'm at a place where I want to share a faith with my children that offers hope, peace, and love.  One that stresses the respect for the planet we've been given.  One that teaches them stewardship and care for themselves and their own bodies.  I want them to be able to see God not as some distant deity but as one that is in everything they see around them.  I want them to have a faith that empowers them rather than fills them with fear and suspicion.

The spiritual path I've taken has often been more of a long and winding road.  I know it has annoyed a few people on the net that I seem to have tried so many different things.  I can see their point.  When I look back, I annoy myself at times.  I've struggled so much to find the "right" thing, and have hung onto that idea in a way that often did not bring out the best in me.  At the same time, I don't know that I've changed my faith so much as a searched for the best way for me to express that faith.  At this point I'm not looking for a new god, just a better way to touch God.  A way that makes me a better person instead of a narrow judgmental one.

I don't know that where I am now with my faith is where I'll be forever.  Like I said, I'm forever growing, changing, and learning especially about myself.  Sometimes that's a few steps forward.  Sometimes I realize I was on to something a few steps back.  Maybe I just needed to follow it in a different direction.  I don't want to announce my faith as if it defines me.  It doesn't.  But it does inform me.  And at present, I couldn't care less if someone wants to follow Buddah, Allah, Jesus, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, so long as it brings them peace.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide

He Is Risen!

In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! 
Luke 24:5-6

Thank you, Lord.  Alleluia!

Providence

Three years ago we had four kids in a two bedroom apartment. A family in our homeschool support group had to move out of their home due to a change in job and had no luck selling it. One day they called us and asked if we'd like to rent-to-own. They thought maybe God had another plan for their house, and maybe it had to do with us.

A lot of things had to come together to allow us to buy the house 18 months later, and it was very stressful. But somehow it all worked out, and a little over a year ago, we finally became home owners. It was very exciting.

Then everything went wrong. Hospital bills from Quinn's NICU stay came due. My hours at work decreased. The overtime that Dominic usually picked up, went away, and with the changes in the economy, no one wanted to give him their hours to work. On top of all that, we got two Autism diagnoses, and many people know how quickly Autism can become expensive.

It became hard to make our mortgage payments, so I did what I was told to do. I called the mortgage company and explained what was going on. One person I talked to said it was a hardship and what paperwork to send in. I did it. They lost it. Then someone else said we had a change in income and didn't qualify. Too bad for us. I was surprised at how quickly we were in forclosure. Of course, we took steps to remedy our situation. Cutting back on expenses, working more, etc. we had a plan to be able to pay our mortgage, if they'd just let us.

Then I heard about a new program we might qualify for. Within 24 hours, I had all the paperwork turned in to apply. I was told that it would take 90 - 120 days to hear if we were approved. I applied in February. Then I got pregnant. Oops.

A few weeks ago, I got a letter from Reagan's biological dad agreeing to his adoption, but asking if we could forgive his rather large past due child support debt. We talked about it. Over and over, a parable kept popping into my head:

Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.

Matthew 18:32-35

Dominic and I wish Reagan's biological dad the best. We'd like him to do well, and be successful. We forgave him, from our hearts. We felt that we had been helped so much and forgiven so much in our lives, that if we could help him, we needed to. So, we agreed.

Of course, here I was, still terrified that we were on the verge of losing our house! Every time I'd start to really stress out, I'd pray. I knew that God had a plan. I might not know what it was, or how it would work out, but I knew that it would. I also knew that I might not like it, and that it could be hard. After all, we hadn't been homeowners for ten years with a long track record of doing well. Why should they give us another chance? But I knew we were in His hands, and that I'd done everything I could.

Yesterday an envelope came. It was from the housing retention program that we applied for. The envelope was so thin I was scared to open it. Home loan agreements are usually thick and need to be signed about 1,000 times. But I did open it. They were pleased to inform us that they'd reworked our loan. They added what we owed to the principle balance, lowered our interest rate, and made our payments about the same!

I had money saved, thinking we'd have to pay a large sum to start to put things right. But we don't have to. We get to keep our house. I have a home to bring our new baby home to. And we even have money to cover the time I'll be on maternity leave!

I never dared pray for anything beyond keeping the house. And somehow, God's providence worked everything out beyond my wildest expectations. He was faithful to provide for us. I have been praising Him non-stop.

Would I still be thankful if things hadn't worked out this way? I don't know. I'd like to think so. I knew that even if I didn't like the answer, that He'd take care of us.

I'm not proud of this. It's embarrassing to feel like you can't take care of your family when they're depending on you. But I'm sharing this for a couple of reasons. First of all to say that it can happen to people who are responsible and hardworking. It's not all people who got in over their heads. We waited to buy. We put in a good down payment. We had sufficient income and didn't buy more house than we could afford. Second, I want to show how God can work. This didn't happen because we trusted in Him. This wasn't a reward for a job well done. But because we trusted that He would provide, it gave us peace as we went through the process.

God never left us alone in the fear. And He did provide.

He has caused his wonders to be remembered;
the LORD is gracious and compassionate.

He provides food for those who fear him;
he remembers his covenant forever.

Psalm 111:4-5

Rushing To Mischief

In recent weeks I have made a number of comments on the True Womanhood blog about issues of Patriocentrism.  Normally this would be a post for my faith blog, but since Our Homeschool is my main blog, this is the one that has been seen most by people linking to me from those discussions.

It seems someone has started a blog called Patriospeak, which also deals with issues of Patriocentrism, but from a more supportive perspective.   For those who are unaware, Patriocentrism (in my opinion) is a movement within Christian circles to order the family around the father.  The movement tends to include very strong ideas about women working outside of the home, girls skipping higher education and remaining at home until marriage, and other things on which I disagree.

Disagreement within the body of Christ, as well as healthy discussion, I believe help keep us on the right track.  Truth is Truth and will only shine more brightly when compared to darkness.  In other words, we shouldn't be afraid to disagree and discuss, because it will better help us to know and understand the truth when we see it.

The discussions on True Womanhood have received some scathing remarks, mostly about how the discussions themselves are a form of gossip and slander.  In truth, with nearly 2000 comments over 3 posts, I'm certain that at least a few have been less than gracious in nature.  That said, overwhelmingly what is being dealt with is the Patriocentric movement and it's ideas.  Ideas shared that were shared publicly in blogs and books being discussed and debated publicly.  I find no shame in that.  I find no need to apply Matthew 18 or to approach the women on the Patriocentric side of the equation because I don't believe them to be in sin.  I believe them to be in error, but often I am as well, and I hardly see that as sinful.

So, I was surprised today when shown the Patriospeak blog.  On it, this blog is listed under the heading "Rushing To Mishief".  The blog does not speak as to what mischief I am causing, nor have I been approached about any sin I am thought to be in.  I can only assume the only reason I'm there at all (considering my posts about Patriocentric issues have been on my faith blog) is that my comments on True Womanhood link to this blog and not the other.

If anyone at Patriospeak is interested in engaging me in a dialog about my mischief or sin, my contact information is in my sidebar.  In the meantime I'll be grateful for the company I keep there, the company of intelligent and thoughtful woman striving to follow God in all they do.

How To Homeschool While Irritable

For me, the answer to this question has been, don't.

I haven't been feeling well the last few days. Add to that some pregnancy hormones and generalized irritability and I'm a bit cranky. I actually haven't been doing schoolwork with Piper because I don't think I have the patience for it.

This could be a moment for me to drop into my usual guilt, thinking that I'm inadequate as a mother and a teacher for my children. Or it could be a chance to withdraw and do nothing while I feel sorry for myself.

This time, however, I've decided to do something different. I am aware that I can't control the feelings. I can, however, control my actions. So, I've decided to take this time and use it to reflect on where I am and where God wants me to be. I have decided to focus some time on His Word and in prayer in the hopes that this may be one of those times that He tames my stubborn spirit and uses my foul mood to bring about some necessary change in me. Instead of self-pity, I will attempt introspection and do my best to be silent and listen to God.

Please keep me in prayer.

Service

I was feeling a little annoyed at a patient tonight who was convinced that people were trying to kill him, and to escape, tried to run me over with his wheelchair.  Then I spoke to a patient who said how grateful he was that the staff provided such good care, and I was reminded again, how much of a blessing my patients are to me, how much they humble me, and how much I learn from them.  Tonight I calmed restless spirits, I held the hand of someone who was dying, and spent time talking to someone who was lonely.  And I'm so grateful that I was allowed to.

"34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

 37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

 40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' " Matthew 25:34-40

Do You Know Why I'm Beautiful, Mommy?

Piper: Do you know why I'm beautiful, Mommy?

Me: No, Piper, why?

Piper: Because of Jesus.

Me: Jesus made you beautiful?

Piper: Yes, because I love you so much.

Me: Jesus made you beautiful because you love me?

Piper: Yes.  Love makes you beautiful, and Jesus too.

I love the way children's minds work, sometimes.

Holy Week

What a busy week!

Thursday we went to our first Mass at the church closest to us, and it was wonderful.  Reagan had his feet washed by the Priest.  We saw neighbors there, and the Mass was in English and Spanish.

Saturday we met up with friends and had a wonderful time.  Then I went to the Easter Vigil Mass with a friend from out of state.  It was at the Basilica of Mary in Minneapolis.  It was incredible.  Sometimes I have a hard time letting go and enjoying big services like that.  As the daughter of the choir director, I have an idea of all the work that goes on behind the scenes to prepare and it distracts me.  But the Easter Vigil, so full of mystery and symbolism, renewed my Spirit and nourished my soul.

We're still getting over being sick, but we had a wonderful Holy Week, and a Blessed Easter.  Christ is risen, Christ is risen indeed.  Hallelujah! 

I'm Such A Dork

Reagan missed Karate last week because he was so sick.

He hadn't been able to go this week because I was so sick.

I finally felt well enough today to take him to Karate, which I thought was at 5:10. We got there and it seemed like he was the only one there. I looked at the schedule and saw that the white belt class was at 6:20. So, I got Reagan back in the van, got gas and food, took the food home, had everyone eat, and took Reagan back to Karate. When I got there and looked at the schedule I realized that his class really was at 5:10, and it's the adult white belt class that is at 6:20! So, I'm a total dork who's apparently still sick enough to not to be able to process the written word very well.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch house, Bridget woke up with an earache from her nap, and cried. Her ears looked clear, so I dosed her with a decongestant and motrin. It did the trick and she felt better, but she was still crying when Reagan and I left. Ciaran's had the flu as well, and refused a nap. That made him crabby and teary also. I left my poor husband with two crying children.

Now all the kids are appropriately drugged and asleep. I'm full of Sleepytime Extra tea and some Melatonin. I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm hoping to avoid that tonight.

In other news, I ordered the Catholic Women's Daily Planner . I'm still a new Catholic in many ways, and I can't keep track of the feast days, etc. I think this will help me coordinate lessons along with key Holy Days, Holy Days of Obligation, etc.