Insomnia Can Suck It

I had things I wanted to blog about. I haven't been saying, "Be Quiet" for a whole week now, and that's an experiment worth sharing, right?

And there's stuff. Other stuff. Interesting stuff.

Really.

Unfortunately for me, insomnia has been a most unfortunate friend, and I lack the ability to put coherent thoughts together.

And while such an experiment is exhausted blogging could result in something humorous, I'm guessing it would be unintentionally so, and probably painful (I first typed painfrul. What?). At least for me, and probably for you, too.

Anywho, real blogging to come soon. Maybe after sleeping for more than an hour at a stretch. Because sleeping that little is clearly painfrul.

****
Today I suck. But I still appreciate your time and your vote. You can click the banner below every day, and it takes just a second. Thanks. You're the best!

Big Little Lies

Some books I love for their ability to take me to new places, and live the lives I could never live.

Some books I love for their ability to make me look at the life I'm currently living, and question everything.

Big Little Lies, is the second kind of book.

Sure, it's in Australia, which isn't exactly Minnesota. But people are people, and they certainly feel very familiar to me in Piriwee, where the book takes place.

It's about a group of primary school parents. It's about their school politics. And it's about the life they present to others, compared to the lives they're truly living.

It's about how secrets separate us, and connect us.

I haven't finished it yet, but I can't stop reading. I want to know what happens to these people!

My life is largely an open book. I tell people about so much, probably much more than I should. But I know I don't tell people everything. I know I have my secrets, those little things I keep to myself for fear that if I said them out loud, people would look at me differently.

Doesn't everyone?

So, someone I know is being abused by their husband. And they haven't told me.

Someone is having an affair, and I don't know that either.

Someone has a history of trauma, that they're trying to hide, for fear that if I know, I'll see them as a victim, instead of the strong person they want to be.

Not knowing how the book ends, I have no idea what my ultimate take-away will be. But right now, I'm stuck with the idea that we spend a lot of time being judgmental of what we think of others, when we so rarely have enough information with which to pass that judgement.

And this is not something I'm innocent of.

I'm always hoping that each day gives me the opportunity to be a better person. I know I don't always take it. And sometimes I find myself, at the end of the day, wishing I'd done certain things totally differently. But maybe if I keep asking the questions, and I keep recognizing those opportunities, I can keep growing.

One day, maybe I'll be the person my kids think I am.

And maybe that should be our goal. If we're keeping secrets in order to make people think we're better, to make ourselves think that we're better, instead of actually trying to be better, then it's time to let those secrets go, and give up the power they have. It's time to be honest with those around us, and most importantly: ourselves.

*****
I'm back in the top 50, and that's thanks to you guys. If you have a second, please click the banner below to register a vote for my blog. It takes just seconds, and you can do it every day. Thank you so much. You're the best!

Come On Get Happy

I keep seeing pieces on the internet about happiness. They talk about all kinds of things that could improve the current state of your joy in life.

You could:

• Get rid of things.
• Buy new things.
• Work.
• Stop working.
• Have another baby.
• Change the way you parent.
• Put down the devices.
• Get off the internet.
• Get thin
• Stop dieting
• Go on vacation
• And So Much More!

There seems to be no end to the ways that moms want to help other moms be happy. Because we love to help.

Then sometimes we joke about happiness. Like the meme above, maybe we'll be happy if we can wear high heels, have an hour to ourselves, get to wear real earrings again, or if we can have a pee in private. And I'll admit, those things make me happy. Except high heels. I'm extraordinarily clutsy. It's a problem.

So, are we really that unhappy?

I'm not a rich woman, by any stretch of the imagination. Some months I have to stretch our budgets beyond the limits of what should be possible, in order to make it all work.

When that happens, I'm stressed and nervous, and I wish there were more to go around.

But I'm not unhappy.

What's kind of funny is that I've struggled with clinical depression for my entire adolescence and adult life. When I'm unhappy it's generally because of a chemical imbalance in my brain. Not because of anything I'm doing, should be doing, have done, have, or don't have. I'm just not happy.

Why are we so unhappy? Are we stretching ourselves too thin? Focusing too much on the kids? Not doing enough? Thinking too much?

I can't tell you that I have the answer to the happiness dilemma. I don't. But what I can tell you is that the one thing that does have an effect on how I handle my happiness, or my depression, is other women. 

I need people. I need people to talk to, and who will listen, even if they can't help. Even if they don't totally understand.

Maybe that's why I blog. Because when I talk to all 3 of you who regularly read here, I feel like someone is listening, and my struggles aren't the worst things in the world. Other women give me a sense of community and shared struggle.

So, I was thinking. If you are unhappy, and what you lack most is someone to talk to, my email link is in the sidebar. Every mom should have another mom to talk to. I don't have all the answers, but sometimes I have one or two. I'm also a great listener, and sometimes I'm funny. But only sometimes.

Let's be happy now. Because we deserve it.

*****
You know what makes me happy? When you guys click the banner below to register a vote for my blog. You can do it every day, and it means a lot to me to have your support. You're the best!

For Zachary

Photo from http://www.dearzachary.com/

A friend of mine once showed me a Book of the Dead. And, well it might not be what you're thinking.

Years ago, photographs were not an easy thing to come by. Sometimes, the only picture a family might have of a loved one, would be taken after death. Some of these pictures ended up in collections. Books of the Dead.

Her book was almost exclusively children. Loved children. And these photos were cherished by their families, as one of the few things they had to remember them by.

These pictures were an echo in time, a shadow of a life shortly lived. I took the time to look at each photograph and think of that life. It seemed precious, and like something that should be acknowledged.

I watch a lot about True Crime, specifically murders. Not because I'm fascinated by crime. I'm really more bewildered by it. Life is a precious thing, and I have no comprehension as to how anyone thinks they have to right to take someone else's, just because they can.

But I watch, nonetheless. I think for the same reason that I looked at each of those photos when they were shared with me.

These were people, whose lives were ended prematurely. I can't give them justice. I can't give them peace. But I can hear their story.

And so, today, I found myself watching the documentary For Zachary, on Netflix. It's a film made by a man whose best friend was murdered. He wanted to document all the people who loved and knew Andrew Bagby, for Andrew's son, Zachary.

I won't give away too much, as I think it's a valuable story to see without knowing what can't be unknown. But I will say that it's a powerful thing to see how a life lived, however long or short it may be, can change people. And Andrew Bagby, it seems, was an incredible man, raised by two amazing people.

I will likely never meet Mr. & Mrs. Bagby, but I wish I could tell them that, now that I know their story, I will carry it with me. That their loss will not be forgotten. That I'm so grateful that they shared their family with me.

I hope they know that sometimes, the light of kindness and love is bright enough that even strangers can carry it forward. I hope I do. For Andrew. For Zachary. And for the many whose names I don't know. I can, at the very least, remember.


*****
If you like my blog, please click the banner below to register a vote for me. You can do it once a day and it takes only seconds. Thanks, you're the best!

It Takes A Special Kind Of Asshole

Forgive the title of this blog post. I know my mother just cringed a little when she read it on Facebook, but I think it's apt for the post. And hey, I nearly titled it "This Week In What The F*ck Is Wrong With People" so, this was an improvement of sorts.

See, there are lots of assholes in the world, but I think it takes a special kind to hurt any creature, human or non-human, that is vulnerable. Children, the elderly, the disabled, animals.

My husband isn't a big animal lover. He likes our cat, as their relationship is one of mutual indifference. Plus Mal eats centipedes which freak us out. That's a good cat, right there.

The dog is a different story, though. River is just over a year old, but not totally grown up. So, we have a 50 pound puppy. And she can be a bit much from time to time. But at his most annoyed, he would never hurt her. Not ever.

Because it takes a special kind of asshole to do that.

Turns out, there's a special kind of asshole right now in Lakeville, another Minneapolis suburb near my house. This one is putting screws, nails, and open safety pins into dog treats and leaving them for the unsuspecting pets.

Who does that?

I don't advocate violence. Not even on criminals like this one, who deserve nothing less than a fine meal consisting entirely of their own homemade dog treats, extra additives and all. It's wrong. And I believe that we have a justice system whose job it is to build a case and prosecute this particular special asshole to the fullest extent of the law.

That said, I completely understand the outpouring of vitriol directed at whomever this is. These animals are our pets, yes, but they're part of our family. We love them. We care for them when they are sick, and they care for us too. They love us, protect us, cheer us up when we're sad, and are loyal beyond reason.

In fact, the dogs injured by this person are of a finer quality of character than the perpetrator of the crime that hurt them.

And even if they were animals who needed to be euthanized, I can't think of too many ways much worse in which to go. This wouldn't be a quick death, no, but an excruciatingly slow and painful one. This was meant not just to kill these animals, but to torture them slowly. I wonder if they're sitting around, watching the news, getting off on the pain of both the animals, and their families.

Whomever they are, they are a special kind of asshole, and I hope they are caught very soon, and that no other animals are harmed.

If you're a local Minnesotan, pass the word on to be careful. No one should lose a pet to this. And I hope no more pets have to suffer this way.

As a Pagan, I don't believe in heaven and hell. But I believe that what you put out into the world, will be returned to you. It's a principle we can see. When we are kind to people, they are kind in return, that kind of thing.

But if I did believe, there'd be a special place, just for this special kind of asshole.

Hug your pets everyone.

*****
If you have a few extra seconds, please click the banner below to register a vote for me. You can vote every day, in fact, so please, click away. Thank you so much. You're the best!

Money Makin' Mama

You may or may not know, but I started my own business as an Independent Scentsy Consultant. There's even a link in my sidebar if you'd like to place an order with me, and I'm not closing my launch party until tomorrow, so, you'd be more than welcome!

Anyhow, there is nothing like starting a business that requires the love of friends and family, to suddenly make you hope that you haven't totally alienated them all somehow. And I have to say, while Scentsy has incredible products that largely sell themselves, it was incredible seeing the support offered by those I care about as I got started. I might actually make some money! At least the starter kit has paid for itself!

But I had a long talk tonight, after my launch party had wound down, and most of the guests had gone home. It was one of those talks that makes you evaluate yourself and look at who you want to be.

I forget, sometimes, that adults can be as cliquey as children are. And I don't want to fall into that trap of who's cool and who's not. Wow, is it easy. So, how am I contributing to that? And how can I turn it around?

I really want to write about women, kindness, and some of the things I've read recently about how we take from each other. The thing is, there is love enough to go around. There are friends enough to go around. There is attention enough to go around. And we won't be less when we give other the benefit of the doubt, or kindness.

Clearly these thoughts have not gelled properly into exactly what I want to say. They're thoughts only half-formed and solidified. So, I will think some more and save it for another day.

ButI promise not to make this blog anything other than what it is. I'm not going to use this as a platform to shove products down your throat. After all, I don't want to advertise to you. I want to talk with you. But if you do love Scentsy (and who doesn't?) then, please keep in mind, I can totally be your girl for that.

It's way easier than cooking and cleaning.

But of course, I have more of that to do tomorrow, no matter how much wax I warm.

*****
Thanks for checking in on me. And if you have a second, you can click the banner below to register a vote for me. In fact, you can vote every day. Thank you, you're the best.

Thank You Internet

I realized something tonight. I'm a sucker for infomercials.

I have bought many things over the years from this kind of advertising, which is hugely effective on gullible people like me. Some of it has worked pretty well. Some of it has been downright awful.

Tonight I was watching one on dog training.

Did you know that in as little as 15 minutes, my dog could be perfect? No more jumping. No more stealing food off the counter. No more chewing cords, or eating her bed. No, she'd be perfect.

I just need this system, which I can get for two payments of $29.95

I'm telling you, the thought of her not doing those things is so tempting, I nearly did it.

But thank you, internet. With you I can look things up, verify claims, read reviews. With you, internet, I don't have to rely on how an infomercial makes me feel. No. I can check things out for myself.

So, on the downside, I won't have a perfect dog in as little as 15 minutes.

But on the plus side, I still have $60.

*****
If you liked this, click the link below which registers a vote for me, would you? Thanks. You're the best!

A New Year, A New Plan!

Alright, I'm going to be upfront here. I don't have a new plan.

I'm fairly introspective, and I think I'm in a state of constant evaluation and making new plans. I don't need a New Year in order to do that.

I thought this meme was kind of funny. Truth be told, my New Year's resolution will never be to give up sarcasm. It's my native tongue.

But I would like to write more.

There was a time that I considered myself a writer. I was all of 15, and I also considered myself an actress and a singer. Then I realized that there were actually a lot of people who did these things, and did them far better than I did. And if I couldn't be the best, maybe I just wouldn't do these things at all.

It's something that I can only attribute to being young and limited in my thinking. You can do things, just for the love of it. With practice, you can even get better.

So, maybe I'll never be an actress or a singer. Or maybe in a few years, when kids are older, I'll try to do some community theater and see if I still have anything left.

And maybe I'm not going to write angsty teenage fiction in my spare time (you're welcome), but maybe I'll write more here, about what it is to be a mom with a great big family (just fyi, the last couple of weeks it's been sick, holiday, sick, holiday, screamy 3 year old, repeated over and over again, hence the lack of regular blogging). And maybe someone will even read it and be interested.

I'm not one thing. I'm a hundred things. And so are you.

Don't worry about your New Year's resolutions. Think about how we can constantly be re-evaluating our paths to see what we need right now, and who we are right now. I don't know about you, but I need to stop seeing myself as a series of faults to be corrected. I need to see myself as fluid human being, ever learning, changing, and growing.

Thanks for sticking with me. I'll be back regular now, I promise.


*****
I don't think you need a resolution. But if you wanted to make voting for this blog, a new habit, I wouldn't be sorry. Please click the banner below to register a vote for me. Thanks! You're the best. And I mean that.

The Serial Obsession

This is a slight departure from the normal talk of babies and other such topics.

Because, while I'm late to the Serial party, I'm obsessed with it.

I not only listen to the podcast, I have also listened to three separate podcasts about the Serial podcast. Which is kind of hard-core.

I think.

It might just be crazy.

I have listed to all 12 episodes. And then I listened a second time, looking for new information that would sway me one way or another.

For those not swept up in the Serial craze (crazy?) it's an NPR podcast. A spinoff of This American Life, host Sarah Koenig takes us through the confusing case of the murder of Hae Min Lee, and Adnan Sayed who was convicted of her murder. They were High School sweethearts, exes. And the story stinks to high heaven.

By the end I was left with the feeling that I could never be 100% sure that he was innocent. And I can't be without someone coming forward to truly be honest about what happened that day. But it also seemed like there was far too much reasonable doubt to have convicted a 17 year old boy of murder. I'm not remotely convinced that he did it.

It seems I have only scratched the surface, though, of information out there on this case. Now there are blogs, and Reddit (which I might be too old for, because I'm not sure I get Reddit).

But the thought that I just can't shake, is that Serial has become about Adnan. Which makes sense. It is a family friend who believes in his innocence, who brought the story to Ms. Koenig in the first place. But I would like to approach this story from a different perspective, with Hae Lee as the center.

Hae Min Lee was a beautiful, talented, and by all accounts, truly kind 18 year old girl. Someone put their hands around her throat and strangled her to death. Someone buried her in a shallow grave in Leakin Park. Someone left her family and friends without her.

I think we owe it to her to find out what really happened to her.

I have my theories, based on what I've heard. I wish it could be all nicely tied up like an episode of Law & Order. It breaks my heart that we don't know why she's gone. And it breaks my heart that someone who I think may be truly innocent of her murder has spent 15 years in prison.

Someone ruined a lot of lives. And I don't think it was Adnan Sayed.

I'm hoping that Season 2 of Serial doesn't completely ignore this story. Sarah Koenig made me care about these people.

*****
You read all the way through that? Thanks! If you liked it, click the link below which registers a vote for me, would you? Thanks. You're the best!

This Is What Service Looks Like

Piper & Detective Edwards

This is Detective Edwards. This is what service looks like.

Tonight, he was Piper's partner for the Heroes and Helpers program.

Funded by a grant from Target, and other local businesses, members of our local Police Department, Sheriff's Department, and the Minnesota State Patrol, come together to take a bunch of kids in the community, Holiday Shopping.

I don't talk about money much, because how boring is that? But being unable to go back to work because I had to be home and care for my disabled child, has meant some strain on our finances. We're doing better, but sometimes it's still a struggle. Especially around the holidays.

It seems Piper's counsellor at school, whom she knows well, put her up for the program, and she was chosen. She was so excited. She was also incredibly touched that she was thought of. And so was I.

So, tonight 14 kids got paired up with Law Enforcement Officers, and rode along in their squad cars to Target. She shopped for over an hour, which I'm told she's very good at.

Then they went back to the precinct to wrap gifts, and eat an unholy amount of pizza and cookies.

When I picked her up, he pushed pizza on me.

I told him he was a bad influence, which he admitted with a grin.

We talked for a while about  growing up in California (he's a transplant as well), how we're both glad to live in Minnesota now, about how Piper has turned him on to her favorite snack (pocky), and about  modern police work. He's a Doctor Who fan from way back, and explained that he was Piper's partner because she needed a geek to shop with. So, clearly he was one of our people!

In a time when we can look around and be bombarded by all that is wrong in the world, and in the world of police work, I think it's important to note that there is also much that is being done right. In a room that was a rainbow of  both kids and officers, something good was being done. Relationships were being fostered, and trust was being born.

Officers and members of the community came and gave of themselves to make some children very happy for the holidays.

True service doesn't make the nightly news. It's years of carrying a heavy belt, of helping people on a small and large scale. It's being a first responder, and the last to leave a scene. It's putting yourself on the line every day for the public, and hoping to make a difference. This is what service looks like.

For another view of what service looks like, read my friend's post about his life as a police officer, here.

As for Piper, she was all smiles. She really liked "her" Detective, and is thrilled with the gifts she got for her family. And as her mother, I am grateful for this opportunity to see something so positive in my community.

*****
Thank you for reading. And if you like my post, or my blog in general, please click the banner below, which registers a vote for me. It means a lot to me to have your support. You're the best!

It's Not A Downward Spiral

I read an article recently about the idea of having a Croning.

A Croning is a ceremony for women to acknowledge and celebrate becoming an older woman.

See, we women (people really, if you're doing it right, but I'm focusing on women for the purposes of this post) we learn a lot along our path. We gather the stories of those we have known, as well as our own.

We become wise.

Well, we hope so, anyway.

And it used to be that older women were valued for their wisdom and knowledge.

You know, I kind of like the idea of a Croning. Maybe when I'm 60. But I don't think we need to wait until we have some kind of special ceremony to start feeling like it's okay to get older.

It's okay to get older. It's okay, right now. And it's happening.

You know what I didn't do when I was young? Make good choices.

But I do now.

You know what else I didn't do? I didn't like myself very much. I didn't take care of myself like I was someone who mattered.

But I like myself now. I take care of myself.

Because why the hell not?

I have made a family, a home, and a life for myself. I have things to be proud of. And while my ass may not be exactly the same size as it was when I was 17, but I have to tell you, I'm starting to not give a crap.

First of all there are so many more interesting things about me. Second, women don't stop being attractive in their 30s and I have to say, I'm getting downright tired of us thinking we do.

Seriously, we somehow buy into this ridiculous notion that only young women are beautiful, and we are mean to ourselves.

I'm done.

I'm not on a downward spiral. I'm just hitting my stride. There is so much left to learn, and so much left to do, and I'm not done yet.

Here's to my 40s. Because they're coming whether I like it or not.

And I think I'm going to kick 40's ass.

Because I'm not getting older, I'm just getting more awesome. And you are, too

*****
Since you're clearly both kickass and awesome, please, if you like my blog, click the banner below. I really appreciate it.

Dear Quinn...

Dear Quinn,

You turned 7 a few days ago.  That seems a little crazy, to be honest. It doesn't seem like that long ago that you came into the world, 5 weeks before your due date, anxious to meet us.

You've grown up so fast.

You're smart, and funny. You want to be responsible and take care of people. But you're not above making trouble with your brothers in the hopes that having accomplices will decrease the chances of getting in trouble.

Word to the wise there, kiddo, your partners in crime give you up every time. So, maybe you should stop that. It's really not working out for you very well.

I love that you still come home in the afternoon and give me hugs and tell me that you love me. I'd love it if you never stop doing that.

You're a really good kid.

Every day now will bring you closer to age 8. But I want you to enjoy every single day of being 7. You only get to do this once, you know.

I want you to know that I like you. I don't just love you, I like you. You make me laugh. You have a kind heart and the courage to stand up for what you believe in.

As you grow, you're going to have some pressure to like certain people, and not like others. Or be nicer to some people than to others. It's going to be hard to be true to yourself and do what you know is right, But you can do it. I believe in you, and will always be here to support you.

I want you to know that, being popular isn't that important. It isn't important how well you play baseball, or how cool you are.

What is important, is the person you are inside. Lots of things, like how popular you are, will change. But if you're a good person, that will be yours forever.

I want you to know that all you ever have to be for me, is Quinn. I will love you every day for the rest of my life, just because you're you. And I hope that you will keep being the best Quinn you can be, knowing that I'm proud of you.

Happy Birthday, Quinners.

*****
Sometimes every kid needs a post that's just for them.
If you like my blog, please click the banner below to register a vote for me. Thanks!

Thanksgiving Gratitude

Because I'm lazy, I'm going to copy some other bloggers and write a post about what I'm thankful for.

There is always so much to be thankful for.

For example....

I'm Thankful For Writing:

I'm thankful for my writing. Both creative, and this blog, I'm grateful for a voice in the world. You'll likely never end up reading any of my stories because they blow. But the outlet of writing is my therapy. And let's face it, I need that.


I'm Thankful For Wine:


I sometimes get wine delivered by a nice man in a uniform. It's wine. Delivered to my house. I don't even have to go out for it. Need I say more? Now I just need a glass like that...

I'm Thankful For Naptime:

When the world is too much, a nap makes everything better. Be it them or me, we'll all be happy. Napping is a beautiful thing, and everyone should take them.

I'm Thankful For My Job:

Today I got to talk to another mom for half an hour about our birth experiences. We talked about nursing her next baby and ways to make it go better than it did in the past. It didn't even feel like work!

I'm thankful for my amazing family and wonderful friends. I'm also thankful for each of you who read here. As I've told you many times, without you, I'd just be talking to myself.

Thank you.


*****
You read all the way through that? Thanks! If you liked it, click the link below which registers a vote for me, would you? Thanks. You're the best!

I Voted!

I know, Ryan Gosling, I know.

I won't tell you who I voted for, since I'm clearly a liberal wing-nut hippie.

Also you can probably guess.

And it's boring.

But I follow election coverage like other people follow football.

In other words, I'm slightly crazy about it.

I like to call it passion, and a strong sense of civic duty, but I know the truth. I mean seriously, I have crushes on newscasters like other people have crushes on actors.

Tonight's election coverage is a total nail-biter. There are races so close they just can't be called. And the stakes are high.

Will the President be blocked from achieving even more than he is now? Did Democrats throw away an advantage by not sticking by the POTUS?

I may not understand encroachment or what pass interference is (seriously, I just asked my husband for a couple of football rules since I don't know any of them), but I will watch the deconstruction of the midterm election for weeks. I will listen as they discuss voter registration laws and how they decrease voter turnout, campaign finance reform, and how our economics are affecting all areas of our society and the desire to vote at all.

I find that kind of thing bizarrely fascinating.

But really, I'm enthralled by the whole process. And I have this dream about what could happen if everyone exercised their right to vote. Big business has nothing on the democratic process when it's fully engaged.

I heard once, in a documentary, that in the United States, the people are afraid of their Government, but that in France the Government was afraid of the people. It's not because the people are carrying guns in France. It's because more than 70% of them turn up to vote. The French will pour out into the street in protest if they don't like what their government is doing. I wish we had that kind of power.

But we could. We could accomplish anything if we voted to make it happen.

So, whether you're a liberal wing-nut hippie like me, or a staunch conservative, I hope you voted today.

I truly believe it is our civic duty. If we do nothing else for our community, we should vote.

*****
I'm so glad you stopped by to read. If you wouldn't mind exercising your ability to vote one more time, please click the banner below to vote for my blog and increase my visibility. Thank you so much!

It's an Enfants Tricotes Giveaway!

If you haven't seen the adorable baby and toddler hand-knits of Enfants Tricotes, you really should.

Not only is the stuff pretty gosh darned adorable, but it's fantastic quality. Everything is made in the USA. It's a small, mom-owned-and-operated company. Even the yarn comes from a mill in Maine that's been running for over 100 years.

Dena, the owner and founder, is of Scandinavian descent, and that's a big influence on all of her designs. But she's updated the looks, and everything is very kid (and mom) friendly. I always think her stuff belongs in the ritzy baby boutiques I can't afford to shop at. And I hope one day they will!

But for today, she's agreed to give a really sweet hand-knit cotton baby had (an $18 value). Winner chooses color (green or pink) and whether they'd prefer striped or solid. And of course, your choice of size, from 3-6 months all the way to 4T.

Contest starts at midnight and will run till midnight of September 16th 2014. Winner will be chosen by random by rafflecopter. And Enfants Tricotes will ship the item.

If there's a baby or toddler in your life that you love to shop for, check out all the adorable designer knits at her Facebook Shop page, here!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

*****

You read all the way through that? Thanks! If you liked it, click the link below which registers a vote for me, would you? Thanks. You're the best!

Random Musings

I've been wanting to write for days.  I've wanted to blog, wanted to tell a story, wanted to remove the cork that's blocking my brain.  So, I sit down at with my iPad and open the browser, stare at the empty screen and...wait.

Nothing.

Not a damn thing.

But there is so much going on in my life.  The extended school year has ended for Ciaran and I've found myself wondering if ADHD and Autism can both be happening with him.  Because I get that he doesn't understand everything he's not supposed to do, but the child moves All The Time and does everything.  I'm not kidding, the kid can be in a room full of toys and he's unscrewing the lightbulbs from the recessed lights in the ceiling.  

Reagan turned 16 on Thursday, and Holy Crap, how is that possible?  He's four years away from the age I was when he was born, and that weirds me out more than a little.

Dominic and I have had busy social calendars.  Which still feels odd since, for so many years we were home with kids and didn't really go many places.  But now we have a babysitter who doesn't realize how much we underpay him.  It's kind of awesome.

Of course we're spending a ton of time with the kids.  And I'm finding ways to do things locally without spending much money.  We've been going to the park, the zoo, the Children's Museum, and I'm hoping to get us a membership to the Science Museum if I can.

But mostly I feel like I'm having a huge amount of personal growth and I'm excited about it.  I'm becoming more comfortable in my own skin, and that's huge for me.

So, this blog post isn't really about anything, really.  And it's not saying even a tiny bit of what I want to say.  But it's here, and that's something.  Maybe if I just write, something interesting will eventually come out.

Another Year Older

I've had a birthday. It was the 18th, actually, but a birthday was had.  And I am not  overly fond of my birthday.

I know what you're thinking, Buck up Buttercup, it's just a damned birthday.  

And you're right!  It's  ridiculous.  I'm 36, not 76.  And despite the feeling that my life is passing me by so much more quickly than I want it to, I really did have a great birthday.  My husband even made me this video:

That's my husband singing.  

I got flowers, my family treated me like a Queen.  And my bestie had a birthday part for me at her house, where I was surrounded by friends and people who love me.

I'm a work in progress.  And, to be honest, I thought by 36 there would be a lot more progress made.  But at the same time, I have a roof over my head, food on my table, a family who loves me and friends, too.  I have a good life going.  Granted, in my next life if I could have all of that and be independently wealthy, that would be lovely.  But I'm not complaining, really.  I was never someone who aspired to be rich.  I always wanted to be happy and loved, and I am.  

In thinking about what I've learned at this point in my life, I think my latest lessons have been really good ones.  So here they are:

1. The best idea I had as a mother was that my children were individual human people, who would come into this world and be separate from me.  They would have their own thoughts, feelings, ideas, emotions, hopes, and dreams.  If I respect who they are, they will learn to respect who I am.  And one day, I might get to be both their mother and their friend.  
2. When someone pays me a compliment, I should say "thank you".  I shouldn't immediately think of why they're wrong, or the hundred ways I can pick myself apart in my head.  I should just say thank you.  There  is a wide range between tearing myself down and becoming a narcissist, apparently.  It turns out that acknowledging the things I do right will not take me from one extreme to the other.  

Our lives are a gift, and I want to really live mine.  

The Truest Beauty

This is Balpreet Kaur.  A practicing Seik, she was minding her own business when her picture was taken by a passerby, and posted on Reddit.  This has become a major deal on the internet.

Balpreet caught wind of the Reddit post questioning her faith, her gender, and her femininity.  The cruelty of the internet strikes again, right?  Well, apparently not!  After a  friend of Balpreet saw the photo, she joined in the conversation:

Yes, I realize that my gender is often confused and I look different than most women. However, baptized Sikhs believe in the sacredness of this body - it is a gift that has been given to us by the Divine Being [which is genderless, actually] and, must keep it intact as a submission to the divine will. Just as a child doesn't reject the gift of his/her parents, Sikhs do not reject the body that has been given to us. By crying 'mine, mine' and changing this body-tool, we are essentially living in ego and creating a seperateness between ourselves and the divinity within us. By transcending societal views of beauty, I believe that I can focus more on my actions. My attitude and thoughts and actions have more value in them than my body because I recognize that this body is just going to become ash in the end, so why fuss about it? When I die, no one is going to remember what I looked like, heck, my kids will forget my voice, and slowly, all physical memory will fade away. However, my impact and legacy will remain: and, by not focusing on the physical beauty, I have time to cultivate those inner virtues and hopefully, focus my life on creating change and progress for this world in any way I can.
Source  

I am in shock.  People were unkind, and attacked her beauty, which is something that has largely set the value of women in my culture for centuries.  And instead of reacting out of hurt and anger, she took the time to gently explain what turn out to be incredible views and beliefs about herself and the Divine.  What's even more incredible is that the guy who posted it, apologized to her.

So, really, in the times of Kim Kardashians and Real Housewives, when we're being told that our value is directly associated with how much we weigh, how we wear our hair, how well our makeup is done, or the clarity of our skin, who is really beautiful?  I think it's women like Balpreet, whose kindness and gentleness allowed her to instruct us all.

Of course, I'm deeply insecure and (in my opinion) overly vain, and I don't expect that to go away after reading Ms. Kour's inspiring words.  But, at the very least, it is a reminder to me that what I should cultivate within myself is that which will last: a quality character and a life of virtue.  Thank you, Balpreet.



For more information about the Seik faith, read here

Posting Blah

I had a post all thought out in my head.  But then I wrote it down and it was...really boring.  My family is fun.  My kids are hilarious.  I like to think my life, while small, is still interesting.  But it is so not coming across in my writing.  So I'm writing this instead.  Maybe if I clear the blahs out of my head, something real will follow.

Any minute now....


 

Politics

When I started this blog almost 10 years ago (how the heck has it been that long?!?) I was uncertain politically. I was a Christian, and even though I'd been a liberal for a long time, the brand of Christianity I was following, was politically Conservative. I found myself being pulled in that direction. I stopped listening to things that were truly fair and balanced. I started buying into the hype of the Conservative media. By 2008, I had become very disillusioned with the GOP. We'd gotten into an unsustainable war that I didn't think we had any business in and we'd neglected real issues at home where a difference could truly be made. By then I'd lost Sarah, and had started to see that, though I was pro-life, even situations like mine could be effected by legislating abortion instead of the issues that lead women to abortion.  I wanted my kind of pro-life to be more pro-active than a Big Bad No.  I also wanted people I loved to have equal rights under the law to have their families recognized.

In 2008, I considered myself a Republican for Obama, but the issues I felt most strongly about were pulling me farther and farther left.  Besides, the GOP had been given 8 years, and I thought they'd completely blown it.  Not long after the election, I started to identify as an Independent.  And now, I find myself firmly in the Democratic Party.  Not that I agree with everything, but this is the party that now more closely represents what I believe in.

So, the election is coming, and I'm feeling more and more like this one is so vital to the direction the country takes.  For me, it's choosing a country that is making strides toward equality, recognizing that we're not there yet when it comes to the GLBT community, women, race, and more.  But also recognizing that we have the potential to go so much farther than we have, because at our core we are a people who believe in fairness and equality.  We are a people who can work together to find ways to make sure that more people have access to healthcare, food, clothing, shelter, the basics we need for survival, as well as education, and opportunity for advancement.  We can become a country where, again, we have a greater ability to raise ourselves up and strengthen our middle class through a strong and educated consumer base.  A country where babies are loved before and after birth, and women are given the support they need in difficult circumstances, so that they feel like there really is a choice for life that can be made.

I know people are getting burned out on politics, on cartoons and commentary, on listening to gaffes and cruel soundbites.  But I sit here, hopeful for the future, and hoping that the decisions we make in the coming weeks, can move us forward.  I'm watching the races for offices both local and national, with baited breath, and more than a small amount of excitement.