Not Me Monday

Bridget looks up at me, her hazel eyes wide and sincere. "Dad is way better than that guy!"  She pointed over her shoulder with her thumb.  Supernanny was on the TV. "Is he not a good Daddy?" I ask her. "It's the contents of your character that matter, Mom". I smiled with pride thinking of how she must have been paying attention when they studied Martin Luther Kingb Jr. at school, or maybe when we talked about him at home. "I learned that from My Little Pony." she said, in all seriousness. The moment was over. The most important things in life she's learning from cartoon horses. Fabulous.  Could that have happened?  Nope.  Not me!  Not my Bridget.  She's memorizing the words of the great minds of the 20th Century, not Pink Pancake Pony!

I was not off taking a shower while my Five year old son somehow managed to slice his foot open on God knows what.  Nope.  Not me!  I'm always right there, in their faces, making sure they never ever hurt themselves.  Ever.

 Crap.  You people read my blog enough to know that's not true.  Huh.  What else have I got?

I did not have a child yelling "God Dammit" in the ER when he got sick of waiting.  I did not consider telling innocent passers-by that he had Tourettes, rather than a dad who plays World of Warcraft and sometimes might occasionally say that when doing badly in a battleground or raid or a mommy who gets frustrated when children get into the pantry without permission.  Nope.  Not me!  Everyone in my house always uses the best of language, myself included.

Furthermore, I most certainly did not finally break down and put a combination lock on our pantry as if my children live in prison.  Nope.  Not me!  The children are totally trustworthy, never take any kind of food without asking (while refusing to eat the meals that are given them) and would never require such drastic measures.  I mean, it's not like a put a huge stop sign on the pantry that Ciaran just looks at and says, "Stop!  Hammer time!"  My parenting is so much more effective than that.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Not Me! Monday

This week has been so long. But lucky for my family, I would never cut corners on the things that need to be done. Not Me! I would never try to save time by putting things in the closet, closing the door, and calling it clean.

I would never let Brennan spend several days in the same outfit because he hadn't spit up or pooped on it.

I would never skip bath time because I was too tired. And I would never allow bedtime to be extended so that I could get an extra half hour of knitting time on the couch before putting kiddos to bed.

Yeah, I may not get Mother of the Year award. Lucky for me, I do get lots of hugs.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. Head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

My Husband Rocks

Do I need a reason? Sometimes can't I just say that my husband rocks and leave it at that? No? Fine, then, I'll share something. Today I'm particularly grateful that when life becomes way too stressful for me to handle on my own, my husband shares the burden. There's plenty going on right now that's stressing me out, and I like to try to handle everything myself. Only then I also have no one to blame but myself if it all goes wrong. And when I blame myself, I get depressed. That's not the best course for someone who's suffered from depression since her teens.

But my husband not only can see when things are going wrong with me, he tries to fix it. He doesn't let me bear the stress all by myself, and he reminds me that I'm loved. Even if I can't always figure out why. I am so grateful for my husband. After all, he rocks.

Not Me! Monday

I'm going to do something a little different for this Not Me! Monday post. I'm going to chuck it. To be honest, I'm feeling kind of discouraged and I don't have the fortitude to pick out the funny things that have happened over the last week, though I'm sure they're there.

So, this week, I'm not going to forget to be grateful every single day for a husband who loves me and six healthy, happy children. Not Me! I'm going to remember what a blessing they are.

And I'm not going to worry about Christmas. Not Me! It's a time to celebrate the gift of our Savior, and I'm going to focus on the real meaning of the season and not the consumerist crud that my kids see on T.V.

I'm not going to worry about the things going wrong, the car needing fixed (again), or how to make all the ends meet. Not Me! I'm going to have faith that God will somehow help us all work it out.

This week I'm going to give thanks when I feel overwhelmed, count my blessings, and try to keep a positive attitude.

Spectrum Saturdays: Gratitude

It may sound odd that I titled this entry "Gratitude" but over the past few days I've had some time to think about what I'm grateful for with regards to Autism. I've lived with Autism for years. I just didn't know it. The name didn't change what we were dealing with, but it did help. "Autism" as a label opened doors. It brought with it special classes, therapists, doctors, and opportunities for my sons to get help that we never would have gotten without that word.

I could list for days the way that Autism makes me crazy. For example, Ciaran has been on a kicking spree lately. We have French doors that lead to the master bedroom. Ciaran likes to wake me up in the morning by kicking them. Or if I go in there to change or feed the baby, he's right there kick, kick, kicking them and generally making me crazy. He does it for a number of reasons, all related to his Autism. Autism is the reason it's so hard to potty train, that Reagan has so much trouble staying focused, and what hinders communication with Ciaran. But this label means we have a chance to fight back. Because now that it has a name, we have some idea of what tools to use. And we will use them, we will fight, and we will somehow win.

I'm grateful for the unique human being my Autistics are. I cherish each smile I'm given, and each milestone reached. I'm grateful for the label, if not for the disorder.

Autism affects 1 in 100 children. Two of them are mine.

My Husband Rocks! A Strong Foundation

Dominic and I have built our marriage on our faith. It hasn't always been easy. While we both have faith, it's something we've both struggled with. True faith for me is something that is worked at daily, much like marriage. Building our marriage on the foundation of our strong beliefs, was a really good place to start for us. But, if you pour sand on a rock, it's still going to slip right off.

Thankfully, my husband is not at all like sand, shifting and slipping through my fingers. He is a constant. He is strong, capable, dependable, loving, protective, and my safe harbor. Together our relationship is strong, and I can not explain how much of that is because of the unfailing love he shows me.

Earlier this week, he posted something on Facebook where he called me "The Wife". It didn't bother me in the slightest. It wasn't used in a derogatory manner. It wasn't used disrespectfully at all. One of his co-workers, apparently in jest, berated him for using such a term, calling him a "50s dork" and, honestly, I got mad. I'm a big girl, and if there's something in my marriage that needs addressed, I guarantee you, I'll address it. But more than that, I resented a woman I don't even know, taking my husband to task when he works, helps me raise our children, and always treats me with love and respect.

I stood up for my husband on Facebook (I might be just a leetle bit hormonal at the moment) and the woman apologized. I think Dominic was actually proud of me. But that's how this marriage thing works, I think. We protect each other. Stand up for each other. Care for each other. My husband is my best friend, and I'm grateful every day for what we have: this strong foundation that holds us up.

Spectrum Saturdays: Therapy

Ciaran on a swing during and Occupational Therapy session

Becoming a parent of a child with Autism is sometimes like entering a foreign country. There's a whole new language to learn, and a whole new set of customs and social norms. It can be a little overwhelming. But we parents trudge in anyway. We want to help our kids. And really, is there anywhere you won't go for your child?

Sometimes I wish there had been a guide. "Welcome to Autism!", it would say. Then it would have a list of things you needed to do, and in what order. Of course I'd want it to end with "And then your child will be cured." but I think that's kind of a pipe dream. After all, Autism is a lifelong neurological condition. I'm still of the opinion that the term "lifelong" in reference to a condition my child has, sucks. But that's a whole other post.

One of the first things that other parents and the doctors did tell me, was the importance of therapy, as soon as possible. Early intervention is key for children with Autism. And let me tell you, I lucked out big time in that area. We somehow ended up with a couple of the best therapists out there. They work a lot with kids who have Autism and related disorders and they utilize a lot of cross therapy methods that increase success. Ciaran has been making such strides!

Ciaran identifying different baby expressions during Speech Therapy

Starting this week, we're going to be doing combined speech and occupational therapy. When Ciaran's body is regulated, as through OT methods, he becomes more focused and can better access language. That means, when these therapists start working together with Ciaran he's going to start getting better results from both.

I am so thankful to have found a pediatric therapy practice that truly understands the needs of a child with Autism and who has therapists that have bent over backwards to help see my child advance. Ciaran is a smart boy who has so much to tell us. Our therapists help to break down the walls that keep him inside himself so that one day, maybe he can share with us all that he's been trying to.

My Husband Rocks! Friday - Work Ethic

First of all, I can't believe it's Friday all ready. How the heck did that happen? It's bizarre. Sometimes the week is so slow, and sometimes if you blink you miss it!

Over the last few weeks I've been pretty sick. First with the kidney infection that totally kicked my butt and then with the cold that just kicked me while I was down. Fun, huh?

Through it all, my husband has been, for lack of a better word, a trooper. Seriously. The man has worked 12 and 16 hour days and then come home and taken care of me. When I needd him, he was selfless and thoughtful. And I'm so grateful for that.

I think it's easy for me to get caught up with how hard my job is. The physical toll of the work I do at home and at my paid job, the concentration needed to homeschool and guide my children, and the thousand-and-one things that we moms do every day to keep our homes and families running smoothly. But I can't let that blind me to how hard my husband works. And he really does.

The man has a work ethic like I've rarely seen. He'll work as much or as hard as he needs to in order to take care of his family. And then he'll come home and take care of us here, too. I wish I knew where he got that kind of drive from. Seriously, I could use it from time to time. I pray that I am able to give him all the love and support he needs to continue to work so hard for us, and that I show him ever day how much I love and appreciate him.

Thank you, Honey, for being everything you are.

Spectrum Saturdays: A Brain Thing

You know, I'm not so sure I like the brain all that much. I know it does everything. And I appreciate that. But I sort of feel like I'm living in the Young Frankenstein movie and somehow a lot of the brains in my family were taken from the Abby Normal jar.

I can't tell you how many people in my family have diagnosed depression. Mine was diagnosed when I was 16. Then I lost my daughter to holoprosencephaly which is a failure of the brain to divide properly. Also, I have two sons and a nephew with Autism. Another brain disorder.

I learned a trick this week to helping Ciaran calm down during tantrums. I basically pick him upt like a baby, hold him tight, and rock him from side to side. There's that brain again wanting a certain kind of input to be able to calm down.

I suppose it's completely illogical to be mad at the brain for not working exactly as it should. But in the absence of a better target for my frustration (when it comes) the brain will have to do. I'm so grateful that there are people who find the brain fascinating, and long to understand it better. For them, I am grateful. Because one day their hard work will provide us with the answers we've been looking for, and we'll make huge strides in helping our children recover from Autism.

In the meantime, we families will keep plugging along. That's what we do. Because our kids are amazing gifts, and we're so grateful for them.

Spectrum Saturdays: Fantasy Boy

Fearing that my wonderful son would never learn to love reading, I finally put a book in his hand about dragons. That was it. His world changed. Suddenly he couldn't get enough. Dragons, knights, fantasy, worlds within worlds. He loved it all.

When my husband and I started playing World of Warcraft, Reagan became fascinated with the lore. He picked up a pencil and began writing stories about it. Pages and pages of stories with elves, kings, and quests. My son had found his niche.

I really thought he was just my kid. Now that I know about his Asperger's, however, I can see how Autism pushed his interest farther than it would other kids. Reagan is a Fantasy Boy, a specific subtype of Aspergers. Reagan finds most of his fantasy in online games, video games, and books. But if he lacks the media of his choice, he just makes up his own stories.

In a way, I understand it. I was very similar. There wasn't as much pressure in fantasy, and things could work out as they should. But I've learned that there have to be limits. I can encourage the things he shows an interest in, without letting the interest control him.

For us, that means putting limits on computer time. It means continuing to listen to him discuss whatever his latest fantasy interest is, but not let him only talk about that subject, or dominate the conversation with it. We've also learned that we have to encourage him in other things to help round out his experiences.

Honestly, I'm very grateful that he's interested in things I know something about and can encourage him in. And of all the interests he could have, I'm glad that he's interested in games that are more about a story line, and good triumphing over evil, than something mindless and violent. I'm glad that the interests he has encourage his creative side, and inspire him.

Not Me Monday!

Getting by when your week is totally insane is something we mothers manage to do all the time. Sometimes, just barely, but we do it! This week for me, has been just another in the life...

I did not spend 30 minutes on the floor looking for a tiny baby tooth only to turn around and look my five year old in the eyes and promise that I would e-mail the tooth fairy. Nope. Not me! I would never be capable of such creative duplicity in the face of five year old tears.

I also did not have a complete meltdown while helping my children clean up the playroom, only to start writing it down and realize that my hormones were at it again and I'd completely over reacted. Nope. Not me! I'd never let something so crazy as pregnancy interfere with my rational judgment.

I also did not have a conversation this evening with my angelic children that involved phrases like, "It's never okay to bite your brother's finger, no matter what annoying thing he's doing to you on purpose." and "Reagan, quit being a turd!" Nope. Not me! I'd never get that annoyed. And my children certainly didn't think that reaction from me was so funny that they dissolved into peals of laughter, argument totally forgotten.

I did not decide that I needed a big cup of tea only to forget that it was steeping until it was horribly undrinkable. Nope. Not me! I'm not scatterbrained like that at all.

Maybe tonight I need a latte.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Spectrum Saturdays: Tantrums

In Autism circles, you'll sometimes hear people talk about "meltdowns". Meltdowns aren't like regular tantrums. They sweep a child away in a way that a tantrum does not. Tantruming kids want attention and will look to see if they're getting it. They tend to not hurt themselves, and the tantrum can be stopped if the parents give in.

Meltdowns are totally out of the child's control. They happen and the child doesn't care if anyone is looking, if they get what they want, or anything else. Sometimes something has set them off, like a tantrum. But sometimes they're just really overstimulated.

I know so many Spectrum moms who've felt judged when their child has had one of these meltdowns in public. It's why I tell people not to assume that a screaming child is being naughty. There may be things going on that you don't know about. And I can't tell you how many moms have been hurt by people questioning their parenting when the truth is that they're doing the best they can with a special needs child.

So, I told you last week about Ciaran's big breakthrough. He wants things now, and he's making choices. With the advice of his speech therapist we've been offering him lots of choices to encourage those verbal skills he's picked up. And, truly, he's still picking up more words. It's totally amazing.

Of course, it seems that with every breakthrough, there ends up being some downside. And this time I think Ciaran is really getting the idea that there's so much he still can't communicate. And it is seriously ticking this child off. He had no less than 10 tantrums before lunch today. Now, he didn't have meltdowns (thank goodness) but a frustrated tantrum in a 40 lb. 3 year old with limited verbal skills is still a sight to behold. If you're lucky, you'll find earplugs.

With Ciaran, I see tantrums (as well as meltdowns) as something to help him through. He doesn't have the words or the social skills necessary to stop himself. So, it's up to me. It's not like he knows better and isn't doing it. He honestly doens't know what to do to communicate his frustration. Right now I spend a lot of time holding him tight and verbalizing for him. "You're really angry/frustrated/sad/etc." so that he can start putting feelings with words.

I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but it's what feels right to me. And I tend to think my mommy intuition is pretty good where this kind of thing is concerned. Of course it's only fair to admit that sometimes, I wish I could throw myself on the floor right next to him and scream, too. I'm only human and I get frustrated. But, we'll get through this as we get through all things. Through Him who strengthens us.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Phillipians 4:13

My Husband Rocks!

I've heard that marriage is hard work. And in one sense it is. But it's hard work like parenting is hard work. There's a lot involved, but it's a gift of service and love given mutually by each person. It's something that you do because seeing the other person happy makes you happy too.

I always say that my husband and I have put our marriage before our kids. Not that together we don't have our children as a priority. It's just that we feel one of the best things we can do for our kids is to provide them with parents whose marriage is stable for them. After all, one day they'll be gone, and I want this marriage to still be going strong.

So, why am I prefacing with that in a post that's supposed to be about why my husband rocks? Because he's so good at keeping this going. Year after year, he continues to put my happiness above his own. Day after day he manages to make me feel cherished and loved. And on those days where he fails, as we all do, he's learned how to apologize and make things right.

It's my husband who helps me to remember to find balance between being a mom, and being everything else. It's my husband who sees when I'm becoming overwhelmed and will step in to help me. It's my husband who keeps me grounded and reminds me that I'm part of a team.

Thanks, Honey, I love you.

Spectrum Saturdays: A Breakthrough!

Most people are really excited with their little toddler looks up and says their first recognizable word. For our son Quinn that happened not long after he was a year old, and he started saying Mama, just for me. Right now, Quinn is 18 months and picking up new words here and there. He even sings.

Reagan and Ciaran didn't pick up language quite so quickly. Reagan wasn't badly delayed. Like many kids with Asperger's, he was a bit slower verbally, but not far behind at all, and ultimately picked up language quickly. Ciaran, however, has been much slower than his peers, and he works for every bit of his communication.

For the last two weeks Dominic has been working on Wednesdays. It's usually his day off, but he's been picking up hours. It's meant that I've had to take all of the kids with me to speech. As it turns out, the girls are really helpful! When our fantastic therapist (hey, it turns out she found this blog, and if she reads this, she has to know how awesome we think she is!) was working with him, she found out that while he often won't imitate us, he will imitate his sisters. So, we put them to work and I'm telling you, the child had a breakthrough.

In the past he's learned to say "I", "want", and a myriad of nouns. Putting those all together, however, he hasn't been too keen on. This week that changed. Now, he suddenly wants everything! He's got it! No more pointing, or looking, or whining and hoping we guess. Now it's "I want in.", "I want bed.", "I want pants.", "I want donut." and on and on and...on. Yeah, I know I won't like it in another month, but right now it's fantastic! What would be a small thing for one of my NT (neurotypical) kids is a huge leap for him and I'm so excited I could do cartwheels across the playroom floor! Though, since I'm a major clutz, I promise I won't.

This "brain disorder" may sometimes make my want to pull my hair out. But there are times like these where I think we'll beat it. And who knows, maybe we really will.

My Husband Rocks!

Katy Lin gave me my idea for a post this week. Thanks, Katy Lin! She was talking about how her husband shows his pride in her. It made me smile because my husband is the same way.

When I meet people who work with Dominic, the first thing they say to me (when it's not, "Are you pregnant again?") is what nice things he says about me. He's directed people to my blog which he loves, talks about my parenting style, and tells them how much he loves me. I'm not sure why they report it back to me, but I generally get the idea that they're surprised to hear a man speak so highly of his wife. Isn't that sad?

I'm usually under the impression that I do not deserve such adoration, but I can't express how grateful I am for it. I think it's really important to know that you have someone in this world who is totally on your side. I remember when I wanted to homeschool and was worried about his reaction, he just looked at me and said that if anyone could teach a child at home, I could. Which is not to say that we agree on everything, or that we always see eye to eye on how to do things. But at the end of the day, we're on the same team, and I always know I can count on him. That is an indescribable gift.

His mouth is sweetness itself;
he is altogether lovely.
This is my lover, this my friend,
O daughters of Jerusalem.
Song of Songs 5:16

Motivate Me Monday: Redeeming The Time

You may notice I'm going with Motivate Me Monday, this week. I've decided to go back and forth between this and Not Me! Monday. Partly because I just don't want to say what I'm not doing all the time. Like, today, I'm not totally daydreaming about a place that would take back incredibly frustrating daughters, you know, like the place where we adopted our cat. Nope! Not me. That would indicate a level of frustration I would never get to, and it's a little mean. Hey, wait! I'm slipping into the wrong meme!

Back on track, now, really. The other reason I want to do the Motivate Me Monday meme is because I just plain think it's a good idea. I love the idea of being able to share thoughts or ideas that help motivate other wives and moms out there. After all, this is not the easiest job you'll ever have. In fact, my parents tell me the best part of parenthood, is getting grandkids. And I don't know about you, but I'm kinda hoping I'm a long way away from that particular joy.

The theme this week is about time. And it's a really hard question. I'd love to know what I'd do if I only had another week on this earth. But it would really depend on a lot of things. For example, if I knew I was going to die, leaving those I love behind, I'd want to make sure that they all knew just how much they meant to me, and I'd just want to be with them. Friends, family, husband, kids, everyone. And I'd probably cry a lot. I'm just not done. I think I have work still to do. But if I knew Jesus was coming back in a week, I'd feel very differently. I'd be rejoicing, without fear, because I know my family would be with me forever.

What I do think I'd change regardless of the circumstances, is that I'd trade the mundane for the spectacular. Extravagant worship, ceaseless praise, love, joy and togetherness. And I wouldn't worry about the dirty kitchen floor that's calling me right now. That idea really helps put things in perspective a bit. The dirty floor might not be the nicest thing a visitor would notice at the moment, but I hope that what I'm missing in housekeeping I'm making up for with a welcoming spirit and a loving heart.

Recently I had an exchange on the blog of an Atheist homeschooling mom. It's interesting since I've been shown more graciousness and respect there, by people who think my faith is as real as the Flying Spaghetti Monster, than I have been on some sites run by fellow Christians. But I digress. On this blog I pointed out that I believe my duty as a Christian is to show others the love of the God that I worship, and that I believe I should be doing that through how I treat them, more than trying to make them believe as I do. If we are the body of Christ, that's how we will reach others, by our actions as much, if not more, than our words.

So, whether I have 7 days, 7 years, or 70 more, I want to be an example, however imperfect, of the grace and mercy I've been shown, by extending it to others wherever I can. And doing my best to remain humble. My kids are really good for helping with that.

Show me, O LORD, my life's end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath.
Psalm 39:4-5

Spectrum Saturdays: What's a Stim?

When Reagan was a baby, he did the cutest things. Whenever he got excited, really happy, or saw his food was coming, he'd flap his hands. We used to joke that when he got married he'd be standing at the front of the church trying to control his hands while anticipating his bride. It never occurred to me that something I thought was adorable, was actually a sign that something was wrong.

Ciaran doesn't hand flap. But he does run around in circles when he's excited. It's all connected to their senses. Rocking, hand flapping, and other behaviors like this are called "stims". Sometimes kids use stims as a way of stimulating themselves, you know just like some people doodle on paper when they're bored. But my kids tend to stim as a way to decompress. When their senses are overloaded, stimming helps them block things out.

Most of us remember when we had babies, and our babies would get cranky or fussy when they were over stimulated. They didn't know how to block out so many kinds of stimuli, so we had to help them. As a babywearing mom, it's one of the reasons that I encourage new moms to wear baby facing their body. Front or back doesn't matter, so long as baby has a place to hide his or her head to block out stimuli from the environment. Over time, babies learn how much attention to give certain sights and sounds, and they're not so easily overstimulated.

Kids with Autism have a lot of trouble learning how to drown out those extra sounds and sights. They don't know how to decrease what they're experiencing, so they find behaviors like rocking and hand-flapping that do it for them. Once I understood why my boys were doing that, it became easier to find other ways to help them drown things out. With Reagan I let him doodle, or even go to his room for some alone time. With Ciaran, I sweep him into a big hug and let him hide his face in neck or against my chest.

I think in the area of stimming, I've actually been pretty lucky so far. My kids stims are pretty easy to work with. Autism is a spectrum, and there are kids who don't stim much and some whose stims completely interfere with their lives. But I'm really grateful I've had such great people working with the boys and with me on issues like this. Everything we learn helps me be a better mother to them, and helps them learn how to be here in the world with us.

Not Me! Monday...or....Tuesday

I did not totally forget to write the Not Me! Monday post that I was thinking about all day. Nope! Not me. I'm far too organized and together to let something like that slip my mind because I was finishing a murder mystery novel.

I did not totally over eat cruddy foods at work on Sunday because the unit was slow and quiet and I was working with friends. Nope! Not me. After all, I'm a nurse and I'm pregnant. I know the importance of nutrition on fetal development and I'm pretty sure Reese's Peanut Butter cups aren't at the top of the list of good foods. And I'm so totally not craving fried mozzarella sticks from the new Sonic that just opened up down the street from my house.

I did not buy my kids both Twinkies and popsicles at the store this week. Nope! Not me. Again, nutrition is far too important. And of course I would never use said junk foods as bribes for getting things done around the house because it's an easy motivator.

There is not a pile of socks in my bedroom that has simply grown over the last two weeks because, while laundry itself isn't so much of an issue at the moment, sorting and folding socks seems like too much work when I could be watching Moonlight on the internet. Nope! Not me. All the socks are folded and put away in our house.

I did not entertain the idea of flying to California and offering my services to Firehubby in breaking the fingers of the nurse who didn't help Julie of mom.wife.nurse when she was having an anaphalactic reaction in the parking lot of a hospital, nor did I suggest that he do it when no one was looking. Nope! Not me. Breaking the man's fingers, while justified, is probably not the right thing to do. I'm just guessing.

And I did not tell all my friends who are nurses how badly that ticked me off. Which, by the way, was right up there with the doctor who told my patient that he had terminal cancer over the phone while the man was in the Physical Therapy gym. I did not contemplate calling that doctor back and telling him that if he didn't have time to give a patient that kind of diagnosis in person (you know, where he could answer questions and help the patient understand the severity of what was going on), perhaps he should think about decreasing his caseload or choosing another line of work entirely. Nope! Not me.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Spectrum Saturdays & The Brain Man

This week on the Discovery channel, I watched a program called The Brain Man which talked a lot about savantism. We all remember the first Autistic Savant in popular culture. Dustin Hoffman's portrayal of Math savant "Rain Man" won him an Academy Award. It turns out that Savants are often Autistic, though certainly not all Autistics are savants.

The main person discussed in The Brain Man was Daniel Tammet a Math Savant who can rattle off Pi to the 22,500th decimal point. It's really rather impressive. He's capable of doing huge Mathematical equations in his head, and has a memory for numbers like nothing most of us have ever seen. Tammet also suffers from synesthesia which causes him to experience numbers in a way most people do not. It apparently started when he was a child and had seizures. Interestingly, numbers are a pretty common interest for Autistics. I think it's because their world is so chaotic, they gravitate toward things that bring order. Hence, liking numbers, lining up objects, etc.

Daniel Tammet, the Brain Man, is from Britain, and during the course of the show, they took him to an Autism specialist, since as I said, savants are so often Autistic. They wanted to find out if Daniel was, too. According to his wikipedia, he's been diagnosed with Asperger's, but the doctor on the show didn't know if he could diagnose him. Daniel had many classic signs of Autism that could lead him to the diagnosis, except one. He was fairly social.

I wondered how that could be since he stated he didn't really have friends in school. In fact the bullies were so perplexed by him, he said, that they didn't know how to tease him and mostly left him alone. So, how could a kid so different that he had no friends, and who is so classicaly Autistic in so many ways, have such good social skills? Then I realized something. Daniel Tammet is one of nine children.

Tammet may not have gotten much social practice at school, but there were 8 Neurotypical (NT) kids who were interacting with him on a daily basis at home. They taught him how to be in the world when it would not have come naturally for him anywhere else. At least that's my theory.

I don't know that family size and Autism has been studied much. And I don't think it's the answer to curing it. But I can't help but think that there's something to be said for the loving interaction of NT siblings with Autistic children. Ciaran's teacher was talking to me about respite care and setting up interactions with Ciaran and other children, but then she stopped herself. We don't need those things. The interaction of Ciaran's siblings is often just as valuable, if not more so, than mine. And he's interacting with them on a daily basis in a way he doesn't with the Autistic children at school. Likewise, Reagan may not be the most popular kid in school (they know he's different) but he does have friends, and he does get along okay.

I wonder if our family size choices would have been the same if we'd known long ago that Reagan had Autism. Perhaps we wouldn't have had more children. Maybe we'd have had just one more. I don't know. But in a way, I'm glad we didn't know. I'm glad we've had all of our kids. I think, despite the challenges, some of the best therapy we have to offer our boys is this family itself.



If you'd like to write a Spectrum Saturdays post, or are writing about Autism, please leave me a comment!

My Husband Rocks!

To have a good husband is to have a great gift. I spoke to a newlywed yesterday and loved being able to impart a few things I've learned. You know, like the first year is the hardest since you're learning how to communicate with one another and how to live together. It made me wonder what I'll know about marriage in another 10 years.

One of the things I love about my husband is his compassion. Now, don't get me wrong. My wonderful husband is a lot like Red Foreman from That 70s Show. A curmudgeon who's not sure he likes people all that much. But he's a total sucker for families, and especially children. Nothing melts his heart faster than kids. And they don't have to be his own.

This past week at work, he was given the opportunity to help a father get home quickly as his baby had just passed away. My husband was the go-to-guy, and made sure that this man was able to get home to his wife and family to grieve his loss. Dominic never thought twice about it. He just wanted to help.

My husband isn't afraid to give anything and everything he has, if he thinks it will help. He probably doesn't see what I see, but when I look at him I see incredible kindness and a fierce and loyal love that I am able to trust in daily. Once again, I know that he was given to me by God, because I could never have chosen so well for myself.