Beyond The Golden Hour

It turns out that the first hour after your baby is born, is called "The Golden Hour". New research is showing that the best thing for mom and baby is that baby is placed on mom's chest, and just allowed to be.

Baby kicks and make crawling motions with it's legs, which encourages the uterus to contract and decreases bleeding.

Their skin picks up the healthy protective bacteria from mom's skin, giving him or her a boost to their immune system.

Mom and baby will both start producing oxytocin, which is known to be a bonding hormone.

Baby will even find the way to the breast and begin feeding, all on their own.

This is apparently how we work, naturally, without any help.

Hospitals are even being taught now, how to avoid doing anything to the baby, and instead they are giving them that hour uninterrupted with their moms.

It's so cool.

I didn't get that with Liam. I didn't really get that with any of them, to be honest. But with Reagan, Piper, Bridget, and Ciaran, they were given to me very quickly, and I was able to breastfeed them soon after birth. I remember promising my nurses that of course I would put them in their bassinets to sleep. And then I'd just wrap them up on my chest and we'd sleep together. It was blissful.

Quinn, Brennan, and Liam, however, were all whisked away to the NICU because they were premature. Being separated, sucked.

I did my best. I would wrap them in a sling, and hold them for hours, skin to skin, in the NICU.

I would leave them with something in their bassinet that smelled like me.

I made sure to pump my milk (and waking up to a breast pump at 2 am is so much worse than waking up to a newborn) so that they could have all of the health benefits of breastfeeding, even if they weren't taking the breast. Yet.

I'm sad that I never got that "Golden Hour". But I'm so glad that I had what I did.

I can't nurse Liam anymore, but the smell of me, the feel of my skin and the sound of my voice, these things still sooth and calm him, for which I am incredibly grateful. Sometimes there is truly nothing else I can do for him, but be there, warm and calm.

And it may take a little while, but it always ends up being enough.

The connections we make with our baby, from just that skin to skin contact we have, sets us up for a connection that lasts far beyond infancy.

Your baby may not be a baby anymore. They may not even be a toddler. But don't doubt that bond. You are connected in a way that can only grow and deepen. It's primal, it's ancient, and it's Science.

I love Science.

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Please know that there is the ideal, and then there is reality. And the reality is that, if you're trying your best, chances are, you're a great mom. Even if you, like me, didn't exactly have the ideal experience. And please, if you like my blog, click the link below which registers a vote for me, would you? Thanks. You're the best!

Liam Passes A Test! Sort Of.

Maybe I've mentioned that Liam head bangs.

Not like a rock star or anything. That would be fine.

No. Liam gets mad, frustrated, upset, annoyed, or, you know, finds a hangnail, and bangs his head with great force on whatever is close.

Whatever is close can vary. It could be anything. Like, the wall, a table, the floor, my face.

Oh yeah, I did say my face. Which really hurts, by the way. That child does not hold back.

So, I brought this up to his Pediatrician.

I mean, my kid has a permanent goose-egg on his forehead, and I'd like to know why he's doing this, and how to help him.

I'd also like people to not think I'm hitting him in the head with a hammer or something.

Anyhow, our Doc talked with the Neurosurgeon's Nurse Practitioner, and he ordered a CT and shunt series (which are basically x-rays that show where his shunt is and if everything is copacetic).

Ever dragged a toddler to a hospital from a nap?  If so, I"m really sorry.

The good news was that he'd slept a little, and was not a complete crab-fest.

The bad news was that he still hates CT machines, x-rays, and me for making him do it. And there was not enough sleep to make that okay. Not that there is enough. I'm not sure chloroform would make him comply with people making him lie down on a table to take pictures of his brain.

He's really stubborn like that.

The end result is that we don't know any more than we did before. His fluid levels haven't changed, even though they upped the flow of the shunt in February. INow they want to do a flow study to see if it's draining properly.

They've promised to sedate my toddler for that.

Doesn't that sound fun?

And of course I have mixed feelings. I'm glad there's nothing clearly wrong with the shunt that is causing my sweet boy pain, or anything. I'm also frustrated that it's not something simple that we could see and fix. Because my little Liam is still headbanging.

And still on my face.

On a cuter note, I think we read some of his favorite books 50 times each, and it turns out that he knows some new animals. Like elephant. He's really cute when he says elephant.

And being with his Mama can still make him calm down and be his sweet self again. Eventually. It's comforting to know I still have a little of the magic left.

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If this post didn't make you want to bang your head, I'm glad! If you like my blog you could maybe click the link below which registers a vote for me. And, have I told you that you're the best? And that you're pretty? Well, now I have!

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

I know this will be shocking to all of you, but let me tell you something: sometimes kids lie.

I know! It surprised me too. I mean, those precious little cherubs?  But, yeah, it's true.

Now, not all the time. And not all kids, I think. But it's not a learned behavior. It's instinctive.

My oldest doesn't bother even trying to lie anymore. He's learned that it doesn't work. I can smell his bullshit from a mile away. He knows that he might as well just save it. Especially since taking responsibility will always go better for him.

See, you may be in trouble for doing whatever it was. But if you make me waste more time wading through your bullshit pile to get to the truth, then I'm only going to be madder about it. And that never bodes well for the kid in question.

Still, being able to tell (at least most of the time) when my kids are lying to me, doesn't mean they never try. And it's always ridiculously frustrating.

I mean, I can deal with problems, but I can't deal with problems that no one will admit exist.

I'm pretty sure Ciaran lied to me tonight. And about something that I consider serious. So now, new plans are in place to stay a step ahead of him, and I've emailed his school staff to see about setting up new social stories and systems that will help him learn about the importance of telling the truth, as well as how to stay safe.

But really? Ciaran is going to start lying to me now? I mean one of the nice advantages of his Autism has always been his ruthless honesty! No fair to lose that!

I call shenanigans on losing that.

It seems just when I've gotten it through to one that honesty is the thing that will save them, another one gets the bright idea to cover their asses with damn dirty lies.

I mean, seriously, I'm on their side. How can I help? How can I teach? How can I correct, if they're not honest?

Getting them to understand that idea, that I'm on their side, is pretty invaluable in teaching them, really.

See, no matter what, even when they're wrong, I have to be on their side, helping them to get right, or make things right. Being on their side doesn't mean agreeing with what they do, or defending it, or telling them it's okay. It just means supporting them in fixing it, whatever it takes.

That's how they learn to trust us to help, even when they know they're wrong. It takes time, and it doesn't happen overnight. But it does happen.

I'm annoyed as hell that I have to do this with the one child I thought would skip that whole thing. But hey, challenge accepted, Ciaran.

Challenge Accepted.


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Why Are We Still Talking About Spanking?

If you've opened a newspaper, watched the news, or even been on Facebook, you know about the issues facing the NFL right now.

Living in Minnesota, the Adrian Peterson story is everywhere. I'm utterly sickened by the people who are defending his actions. I mean, come on. This wasn't just a parent "disciplining" his child.

The facts in this case are brutal, and there is literally no defense for a grown man doing that to a little four year old boy.

But I'm also shocked by the people who are using this story to defend spanking.

Seriously? In 2014 people are still going to the mat over spanking?

I'm going to take a controversial stance here:  It's not okay to hit people. 

If you hit your wife, you could go to jail. If you hit a stranger on the street, you could go to jail. But if you hit your kid, well that's just your discretion as their parent.

That is unbelievably wrong.

And, please, don't bother talking to me about how hard (or softly) people may hit their kid. Don't tell me how it's just to "get their attention".

It's hitting. If it's not causing pain, then what's the point? And if it is causing pain, then what do you do if it doesn't work? How high do you up the ante? Where is the line? How do you know if you've crossed it?

There are a hundred other ways to accomplish the things parents are trying to accomplish with spanking. And guess what? They work. Guess what else? Spanking doesn't. Study after study has shown that it's bad for all kids, that it's ineffective, that the results don't last long, and that it slows cognitive development. It's not just my opinion, it's Science.

It absolutely freaking floors me that people will defend, so vociferously, their right to hit their sometimes even tiny children. That they will turn their nose up at any research or information to show that it's harmful, and reject any other options.

But I have a theory, and I'll tell you why I think they do it.

Spanking is So. Much. Easier. No thinking about what made your child do that thing they did. No sifting through all of the parenting tools to find the one that will best suit this child and this scenario. No trying different methods to figure out what works best for them or their children.

Nope. Just a swat on the butt and call it a day.  That'll learn 'em. Well, unless you follow the Pearl's and then it's a switching instead of a spanking. Just like Peterson did to his son. And we've seen how well that works. Ask Lydia Schatz.

Of course, spanking teaches kids that people who are bigger and in a position of authority have the right to touch their bodies in ways that hurt. They're taught to be afraid, instead of really learning about what they've done. And on top of all of that, the trust they have that their parents will never hurt them, is damaged.

People really want to defend that. And that's just insanity, to me.

Sure, a lot of our parents did it. They didn't know better. And a lot of us turned out just fine. But I would argue that's not because we were spanked, but because our parents had rules, boundaries, and consequences. Kids thrive on those things. But you don't need spanking to provide it. Nor does taking away spanking mean that you suddenly become permissive as a parent and will raise terrible kids.

We can parent our kids without physical punishment. Without shame. Without humiliation. Without name-calling. We can treat our children with the respect they deserve as human beings. And we can raise amazing kids, doing it. Shocking, isn't it? But imagine if we all tried it, and we never again heard about a child getting beaten with a tree branch, leaving bloody welts all over his body.

I can live with that.

Here are a couple of Gentle Parenting Resources if you'd like to learn more:
No-Spank Challenge
1-2-3 Magic

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We all have to stand up against physical punishment, and certainly against abuse. If you think Adrian Peterson shouldn't be playing anymore, please click here and sign the petition.

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