Child Support

Why is it that some people are so convicted about supporting their children while others are not? I'm sure if I asked J. about child support he'd tell me how strongly he feels that he needs to support Reagan. Still, actions speak louder than words and no check since July tells me he really doesn't care that much.

I don't think about it all the time, mostly when we're experiencing financial crunches. That's when I think a check for some money would come in really handy. Just for little things like food and shelter. And I get angry that he talks and talks about taking care of his son and then doesn't follow through.

They say that the definition of crazy is continuing the same behaviors and expecting a different result. I must be certifiable. I have spent seven years talking to J. about the problem hoping that he would see the importance of being there emotionally, physically, and financially for his son. Now, I'm finished.

I spoke to the Department of Child Support Services in Orange County today. I gave them J.'s new address (which he failed to give them despite a court order to do so) and learned what they are doing to remedy the situation. Now that he's almost $12k behind in his payments they are attempting to seize his bank accounts. They've also determined that his employment is unstable as far as income (no, really?) and would like him to come to court to prove that he is attempting to gain employment that would bring in a regular paycheck. To bring him to court, however, they needed an address to serve him at. He has told me that his current job pays him on comission. Still, he's been there since Septemeber and I highly doubt that he hasn't been paid in all that time. He's had money to move and do all kinds of other things. Besides, who would stay at a job for 6 months that didn't pay? Stupid is not stamped on my forehead. Well, not anymore!

J. doesn't know what he's missing. My notebook is filling up fast with false promises. On our last visit to California he called the house here in Minnesota saying that he was looking forward to seeing Reagan that weekend (of course we didn't get the message in California) but he never once called my parents house to set anything up. And we had not only notified him of the visit ahead of time via e-mail but had called when we arrived to let him know where we were and how to reach us. Still, we heard nothing.

I used to really work to shield Reagan from these things. Now I think my job is changing. I can't keep him from the truth of the situation. He can tell when his dad doesn't call or show up now. So, while I don't have to rub it in or make it worse, I do have to start thinking of ways to help him cope with the truth of the situation and to help him feel loved and cared for despite it.