When I was 19, I weighed 115 pounds. Of course, that was the last time I weighed 115 pounds. That year I became pregnant, and my body changed forever.
With that pregnancy, I gained 50 pounds. Eventually I took most of it back off. And when I got married, I could fit into a size 4. It was fantastic.
Then I got pregnant. Again. And Again. And...you get where I'm going with this, right? I get pregnant, I gain weight. A lot of it. So, when I stepped on the scale after Brennan was born and realized that I was dangerously close to 200 pounds, I decided something had to change.
While I've looked for a diet that involves lots of Dove chocolate and sitting around watching TV with my kids, I've yet to find it. And, please, if you can sit around eating chocolate with your kids and still be slim and vibrant, don't tell me. You're another person I like to pretend is imaginary.
So, I've started doing the reasonable thing. Cutting back intake, and working out. So, how do you know when you've had a good workout? Well, tonight the sweat running down my chest and my muscles turning to jello was my sign. So far, I've lost 4 pounds. That doesn't sound like much, and I'm probably nuts, but I like to think I can feel myself shrinking.
I have told myself all kinds of things. Like I'm not that big, or that my kids love a soft mama. But I'm not healthy, and I don't feel good about the way I look. I think not being active enough makes my depression worse, and I certainly don't need that.
I don't long to be 115 pounds anymore. It wouldn't be healthy for me now. But I do long to be able to run around after my kids without getting winded and tired. I long to not want to cry when I shop for clothes. I long to be healthy again.
I know exactly what you mean, Anne. I've been working out, too, trying to drop the pregnancy weight, for a lot of the same reasons you described.
ReplyDeleteI just want to fit into my clothes again. I only have one pair of pants that fits me right now. :P
I've lost 4 pounds so far, too! :) I want to be a healthy Mommy, I want to set good examples for my son, so that he doesn't end up a couch potato like his Mommy really wants to be sometimes! :D
I know. Ditto on all that, even to the point of me weighing the 115 and now, after all these kids...
ReplyDeleteHaven't budged weight since 1 yr. old's birth, and frustrated.
I am leaning toward all the healthy stuff I can find. Anyway, as I age I see my body rejecting so many things bad for me. I wish you the best in your aspiration to be healthy and not depressed. I long for the same two things.
With my first born I got down smaller then I was before I got pregnant, only gaining 21 pounds with her. With my second born I gained 34 pounds and thought because it came off so easy with the first one it would do the same the second time around, not the case. I have 15 pounds to go and I've had 15 pounds to go since I brought her home, I am at a stand still. I used to love to work out, but now by the time I do the whole routine of the day and night I'm to tired after I put them to bed to do anything.
ReplyDeleteWe're proud of ya, 4 pounds is great. 4 pounds to me is a lot, great job. With all the normal, stress life, can bring, it isn't easy to focus on being healthy. Good luck.