I was a scared little kid. I was the one who didn't want to climb too high on the rope, swing too high on the swing, or stand up to the bully. Granted, I was often the one being bullied. Being "different" isn't as much fun when you're six. But I wasn't brave. In a lot of ways, I'm still not. The thing I most often admire in others is fearlessness. Usually because I don't seem to have much of that stuff. Or at least I haven't.
I don't always say the things I want to say. For example, did you know that I have a dirty sense of humor, a mediocre potty mouth that gets better or worse depending on who I'm talking to, and an odd parenting style? Okay, if you read this blog, you probably know about the parenting part. Still, I want to be the one who says exactly what she wants on Facebook. But, my mother reads Facebook! Even worse, people who've known me since I was six read Facebook. Maybe even this blog {insert freaked out look here}!
So, I had this awesome discussion with Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka about Liam, life, parenting, Autism, Encephaloceles, and our opinions on all of it. And it got me thinking, why the hell am I afraid?
I'm a grown woman. I have six/seven/eight...thirty(?) children. I have a home, a husband, friends, and am fairly well established. I have looked some scary shit in the face, and come through it intact. I've come to accept that I'm never going to make everyone happy. And not everyone is going to like me. In fact, if you don't, I'm sure there's a club out there somewhere for you to join, and I don't mind if you want to.
My life has it's really mundane moments. Those times when I'm making dinner, sweeping the floor, folding laundry, and putting kids to bed. It also has moments that are really funny and amazing, where I'm reminded why I keep doing this every day.
So, here's my promise. I'm going to jump off my safe mommy swing. I'm going to blog regularly. I'm going to set myself a goal of at least 1 post every day for the next 90 days. And in them, I'm going to try to be more fearless. I'm going to say what's on my mind, whether it be difficult, unpopular, or just raw. If I go there, maybe some of you will come with me. And maybe you'll hate it. But maybe you won't.
I had to smile at your description of yourself as a child. It sounds like me! I never think of myself as a "brave" person--in fact, I often claim that out loud--"I am not a very brave person." Yet when I think back over my life, I think there is a sort of bravery that I don't give myself credit for. Sometimes just undertaking something new--like blogging or using other social networking sources for something other than for my own enrichment--seems a form of bravery. Getting on a plane for conferences or to attend meetings when I'm petrified of flying is a kind of bravery. I'm still afraid but I do it anyway. So...maybe I'm braver than I thought!
ReplyDeleteYour children are beautiful!
Thank you, Sister. You do have a point. Often the times we are most brave, we are also most afraid, and sometimes don't give ourselves credit for the bravery needed to walk through that fear.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to read it! I am getting kinda fidgety and considering starting a blog. Not sure why I don't want to use LJ. Maybe I just need more anonymity. Maybe I am just exhausted and stressed and I want someplace where I can rant.
ReplyDelete<3