Weekly Liam Update

I don't know how much I can post this week without it sounding like the same whiny bullshit I posted last week. But I'll give it a shot.  New whiny bullshit!  Aren't you excited?

I thought every week that passed, I would feel better and more comfortable. But instead I feel like the closer I get, the less secure I feel. I've started to think past actually getting him here, to what life will be like afterward. What I want is a sweet, mellow, babymoon. What we're going to have is the NICU, post-op procedures, and frequent doctor appointments. And, of course I'm scared by that.

So, what do I do for support?

Well, I'm not part of any support group anymore. I'd found one that virtually imploded after a new mom joined to get support before an induction. When she wasn't well received by some of the moms, I took it personally. Can't imagine why.  So, I left the group and I wasn't the only one.  

In real life, I have tons of people who are thinking of us and praying for us. And I wish I could explain how much each one of those people mean to me as we go through this. At the same time, people have their own lives to deal with, and I kinda feel like this is just something I have to deal with on my own.

My mom used to say that you do things, just because you have to.  I always thought she made all the rules, so I didn't understand that. Now I do. I go through each day and try to get done all that needs to be. Not because I'm particularly strong or brave, but because I have no other choice.  Don't get me wrong.  I'll be fine.  I'll figure things out.  I'll get through it.  It's just not the easiest thing I've ever done.  But then, I guess motherhood is always a labor of love.