Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

I know this will be shocking to all of you, but let me tell you something: sometimes kids lie.

I know! It surprised me too. I mean, those precious little cherubs?  But, yeah, it's true.

Now, not all the time. And not all kids, I think. But it's not a learned behavior. It's instinctive.

My oldest doesn't bother even trying to lie anymore. He's learned that it doesn't work. I can smell his bullshit from a mile away. He knows that he might as well just save it. Especially since taking responsibility will always go better for him.

See, you may be in trouble for doing whatever it was. But if you make me waste more time wading through your bullshit pile to get to the truth, then I'm only going to be madder about it. And that never bodes well for the kid in question.

Still, being able to tell (at least most of the time) when my kids are lying to me, doesn't mean they never try. And it's always ridiculously frustrating.

I mean, I can deal with problems, but I can't deal with problems that no one will admit exist.

I'm pretty sure Ciaran lied to me tonight. And about something that I consider serious. So now, new plans are in place to stay a step ahead of him, and I've emailed his school staff to see about setting up new social stories and systems that will help him learn about the importance of telling the truth, as well as how to stay safe.

But really? Ciaran is going to start lying to me now? I mean one of the nice advantages of his Autism has always been his ruthless honesty! No fair to lose that!

I call shenanigans on losing that.

It seems just when I've gotten it through to one that honesty is the thing that will save them, another one gets the bright idea to cover their asses with damn dirty lies.

I mean, seriously, I'm on their side. How can I help? How can I teach? How can I correct, if they're not honest?

Getting them to understand that idea, that I'm on their side, is pretty invaluable in teaching them, really.

See, no matter what, even when they're wrong, I have to be on their side, helping them to get right, or make things right. Being on their side doesn't mean agreeing with what they do, or defending it, or telling them it's okay. It just means supporting them in fixing it, whatever it takes.

That's how they learn to trust us to help, even when they know they're wrong. It takes time, and it doesn't happen overnight. But it does happen.

I'm annoyed as hell that I have to do this with the one child I thought would skip that whole thing. But hey, challenge accepted, Ciaran.

Challenge Accepted.


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