I'm Still Pregnant

This is not me now.  This was a picture I took at 29 weeks pregnant with Brennan.  

Dear Liam,

I love you so much.  I've loved you since you surprised me with a positive pregnancy test.  I loved you when I first noticed that I was growing bigger after losing 50 pounds.  I loved you when I felt you move for the first time.  I loved you when they told me you had an encephalocele.  But, I was very scared.

You are such a strong little boy.  Somehow you've managed to beat all the odds.  I wonder if you will be as fearless on the outside as I imagine you are on the inside.  I think I imagine that you're so fearless since, like I said, I've been so scared.  

You've continued to grow and thrive and do absolutely everything we've asked of you.  So now, I have a few more requests.  Listen carefully.  

• Please stop making my uterus contract.  It's too soon, and it's exhausting.  Not to mention unnecessary.  You're being born via c-section.
• Please stop hitting me in sensitive areas.  My cervix is not for punching, and my bladder is not a trampoline.  
• Please wait at least another week to be born.  35 weeks is even better than 34 weeks.  Not only will you have beaten Brennan in the who-can-stay-in-Mommy-longer contest (and how often will you get to one up your older brother?) but by then your sister Karina will be here, and I won't have to ask so many people to come and help us.  
• Please sleep when I do.  I'm getting dark circles under my eyes because I'm so uncomfortable and you apparently think there's a circus whenever I lie down.
• Please calm down when I move, and move when I sit still.  This is how the other fetuses do it.  You can too.  

Please come out and be okay.  I know you can get through surgery without frightening me anymore.  Right?  Right!

I love you and I'm excited to meet you.  I can't wait to see your fingers and toes and look you in the eyes and see you for everything you are.  I'm sad that I won't get to keep you with me every second and bring you right home to the family that will love you as much as I do.  But I'm so glad that such good people are going to take care of you.  And I won't be far away.  

Love,

Mommy