Parenthood

Does anyone remember that movie, with Steve Martin? In it, he loved to daydream about how doing something right would lead to a very successful child while doing something wrong would lead to his kid trying to pick people off from a clock tower. That's a lot of pressure.

I wish I could say I was more like his wife's character who takes her kids as they are and enjoys the ride. Actually, in some ways I am like her. I do love being my kids mom, and it's often one hell of a ride. But I also worry a lot. I really want things to work out for them.

When I was younger I worried that I wouldn't be able to have kids. Now I just worry that I'll completely screw them up. What's even more frustrating is that all the factors aren't totally under my control.

Liam had a doctors appointment today. Several actually.

They showed me a series of ultrasound images of the ventricles of Liam's brain. They're still growing.

They're going to do one more ultrasound next week, and then plan a shunt surgery.

I know that there are stories of mom's whose kids face medical issues, and they just take each bump in the road like it's no big deal. They just keep moving forward, focusing on their child, and never complaining that things haven't gone as they would have wished.

I'm not that mom either.

The doctor kept saying, "This isn't a big deal" when I'd finally had it. For me, this is a big deal! This is my baby. They may do this every day, but I don't! This is another surgery, for an infant, that I hoped he'd never need.

For them, because it's routine and won't affect his development or potential development, it's really not a big deal. But since I'd really hoped that taking of the encephalocele meant that everything would be fine, it's a reminder that the road has only just begun.

I'm trying to remember that Liam's writing a really good story so far, one where the hero has already beaten so many odds. But he's my baby. So for me, it's a story filled with suspense. It's like Parenthood, only mixed with heavy dose of Fear.